Sarcasm Quotes - Page 6

Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar.

I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?

You must be a blast on long car rides.”“Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic.

Any boy who'd love a sailboat-patterned, swimsuited sausage who tames rabid foxes would be wonderful. And impossible.

Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.

Promise me you’ll look after yourself … stay out of trouble …’‘I always do, Mrs Weasley,’ said Harry. ‘I like a quiet life, you know me.

Uh, yeah - how about a warm hell no to that request? Does that work for you? Because it works for me.

Snark often functions as an enforcer of mediocrity and conformity. In its cozy knowingness, snark flatters you by assuming that you get the contemptuous joke. You've been admitted, or readmitted, to a club, though it may be the club of the second-rate.

He checked his parachute and launched himself into the Sea of Sarcasm.--Havana Red

Minho snickered and leaned back in his chair. “Man, you are one butt-load of sunshine, let me tell you.

Yeah, I was just curious. I concentrated on my footsteps.Yeah, well, next time you think about stepping into rock concerts you might want to bring a bodyguard.I stopped and turned around. I brought my hands to my hips, a bit offended. What is that supposed to mean?He dropped the end of the bat into the sand. It means your small.

Here's a tip...If you leave a girl crying you're probably not doing your Don Juan routine right, asshole.

You want a friend in this city? [Washington, DC.] Get a dog!

Hhhmm. A sense of humor.” He cocked his head to the side.“That actually might annoy me.”She frowned, ignoring the teasing sound to that oh-so-low voiceand, with heavy sarcasm answered, “Oh, well, that’ll keep me upnights.

You might as well laugh at yourself,everyone else is.

I can give you two words," I tell him. "The second is off. Can you guess the first?

No more shooting from anyone. Or I am going to get seriously cranky with everyone. Suddenly, and violently and all over the place.

I don’t recall either of you asking me, you know I’m a lady and I need to be asked and agree to it.

Truly," remarked Nandi as we entered a darkened tunnel, "it is amazing that you have not died yet, mistress." "Well, hang in there. The night is young.

Yet, I didn't understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.

I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care.

Sophie coughed, and Oliver felt his cheeks becoming warm. “Don’t be an ass, Andrew.” “That’s a little bit difficult to accomplish, y’know?” Andrew replied. “I mean, if you had been so kind as to paint me with black and white stripes, I would’ve been a zebra!

Enormous? Did you just call me FAT? I am not fat. - Jace

Don't read it. Just shred and burn, or your eyes will melt.

The bourbon goes into the recipe, Miss Connor, not into you,” he’d said from directly behind me. He had a way of doing that, catching me in the act. I suppose the number of times I screwed up made me an easy mark. My spine straightened at the scolding, but my mouth did what it knew best. “Well, that’s just a waste of perfectly good bourbon if you ask me.

The only stirrups I like are on a saddle.

No one plows the field just by thinking about it.

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking

The eye-roll is a 10.5 on the Ritcher. The Big One. California has slipped into the ocean.

Your name?"The movements of the man's mouth didn't quite match what he was saying, so seeing him speak was a bit like watching a badly dubbed film."Alex Gardiner," Alex said. "Your real name?""I just told you.""You lied. Your real name is Alex Rider.""Why ask if you think you know?

What is your collective GPA for this year?”“Not as high as I'd like it to be.”Freud steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. “What about your parents?”“I don't know. They haven't been in school for a while.

Miss Prendregast!” He rapped on his desk with his knuckles. “You were never in any danger!”“Except from the wild animals.”His lids swept down as if he needed a reprieve from looking at her. “Alert me if you’re attacked by a rabbit.

Just married! A bright past is ahead of them!

I am quite scandalous, you see. I come packaged with unpredictable moments, brutal honesty, calamitous outbursts, the ghastly need for love, a fiendish lack of filter, the horrific need to question everything, nauseating affection, offensive kindness, indecent spirituality, obscene beauty, monstrous creativity, barbaric embellishments, contemptuous passion, sinful childhood traumas, unscrupulous hobbies, vexatious caring, abominable sensitivity, reprehensible humor, hideous sarcasm, displeasing feelings, unpalatable confidence, offensive compassion, villainous inspiration and a devilish wit. I am quite grotesque in my imperfectness and I am not ashamed to admit it.

It’s bad enough barging into Guild property, but we’ll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won’t stop at sarcasm. He might use’ - Colon swallowed - ‘irony.

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others.

I don’t know what you’re talking about, but any organization that claims you for a member doesn’t get to call itself sinister, whether you’re left-handed or not. I would be insulted to be offered membership in such a namby-pamby organization. It would be like the Archbishop of Canterbury calling a select club of his compatriots ‘Bad, Bad Bishops’.”Marshall sniggered.“Watch out for the clergy,” Edward said. “They’re absolutely wild. Sometimes they have an extra biscuit at tea.

Yeah,” Tamara said. “An old bowling alley. There must be a town not too far from here. But how could Aaron be there? And don’t say something like ‘working on his score’ or ‘maybe he’s in a bowling league’ or something like that. Be serious.”Call leaned against the rough bark of a nearby tree and resisted the urge to sit down. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to get up again. “I’m serious. It might be hard to tell in the dark, but I have my most super-serious face on.

Charming. We're going to be murdered in our beds.

This is where you all live?" Asked John as they ascended the stairs. "It's small.""This is just our Thanksgiving house," Scott muttered. "We have a house for every day of the year.

Whatever you are, do not even assume that you will be surrounded and gnawed by luxurious worms of an exquisite breed.

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what.", The Guardian, 5 June 2005]

What do you do when you’re in a room of vampires and the most dangerous one tells you that youknow too much? You bolt. What did I do? I hyperventilated.

Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)

Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

Oh no, praying is great, without it the thumbscrews and the Iron Maiden probably never would have been invented.

Not one of the boys like me. I’ve put their noses out of joint.”“Well, they were never good-looking lads.

I don’t know. Is that good-different, or I-should-come-with-a-warning-label-different?

Wow," she said. "It's like you're teaching me something and being all wise.""You are not easy to get along with," Skulduggery said.

Conner raised an eyebrow. 'Who told you

Please do not think that I am accusing socialists of insincerity or that I wish to hold them up to scorn either as bad democrats or as unprincipled schemers and opportunists. I fully believe, in spite of the childish Machiavellism in which some of their prophets indulge, that fundamentally most of them always have been as sincere in their professions as any other men. Besides, I do not believe in insincerity in social strife, for people always come to think what they want to think and what they incessantly profess. As regards democracy, socialist parties are presumably no more opportunists than are any others; they simply espouse democracy if, as, and when it serves their ideals and interests and not otherwise. Lest readers should be shocked and think so immoral a view worthy only of the most callous of political practitioners, ...

Nefarious purposes translation: For disgusting demon sex and the birth of the Devil incarnate. Nice.

Sarcasm is one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions!

Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster

He was the hardest person to figure out I had ever met, which was saying something. I knew girls, after all....

So you thought you could shit and eat at the same time. How disgustingly convenient.

Someone tells me I’ve been touched by Jesus, I remember.”“Not Jesus,” he said in all seriousness. “The hand of God.

A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said."Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.""Easy mistake to make," Jem said.