Joke Quotes - Page 2

What is the meaning of having more than one wife when threesome is not allowed?

Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.

The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.

This two quotes make me laugh"Andre Linoge: Born in lust, turn to dust. Born in sin, COME ON IN." (Stephen King on Storm of the Century)"We are on location, not on vacation"(Unnatural 2015 Film)Everyday when I read it or I repeat it makes me laugh it's kind a joke. The first one is a killer joke, the second one is...(you guess from who is this joke!)

Sometimes When You Are Serious, People Thought You Were Joking, But Sometimes When You Are Joking, People Thought You Were Serious

You, Stan, are covered with dirt and leaves.''''I just applied for a job as a tree,'' I said. It made so little sense, he didn't even bother responding.

I was smiling yesterday,I am smiling today and I will smile tomorrow.Simply because life is too short to cry for anything.

There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.

An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives.

Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.

Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.

Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

In Science don't confound Normal static electricity To ecstatic eccentricity. Here is what I found: Electric charges As they rise up your hair In contrast with a discharge, Rarity leaves you up in the air!

Being a Muslim is not a joke but a challenge. If you think it is, come and live in Pakistan where you will know about Muslims' enemies around the globe

Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.

The inmates made jokes about the chair, the way people always make jokes about things that frighten them but can't be gotten away from.

I don't have a thing," Tengo said, "except my soul.""Sounds like a job for Mephistopheles," she said.

Do you know why they call this place the Rookery?" Elodin asked. I shook my head."Because it's where you go if you're a-ravin'." He smiled a wild smile. He laughed a terrible laugh.

Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that.

Hey,” he said. “Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward.“What’re you doing?”“Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a new hat.”He paused. “You’re joking, right?”“Yes, Marshall.” I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair.

Life as a private investigator, slash bounty hunter wasn’t all Gary Beck wanted it to be. There weren’t any big mansions on a palm beach owned by an affluent writer generous enough to let him live rent-free and use his spare Ferrari. But then you have to ask yourself, what could you expect living on a planet like Deanna? As a third-rate colony in the Terran Empire, Deanna had more than its fair share of dull moments. It orbits a star called Ramalama. If you think that’s funny, Deanna’s two moons are called Ding and Dong, respectively (this is a local joke) and one of them falls down occasionally.

Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.

Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.

Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.

Even if it’s a really funny joke, don’t laugh if the devil’s the one telling it!

Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.

..., and sometimes there's just no point in arguing with him. "Yeah, okay 'me, Jeff, and Evan, sitting in a tree...'"Chris claps his hands triumphantly. "That's right, baby!" Than a more serious expression comes across his face. "But, in a tree? Really? I mean, im a not an expert on the gay sex thing, but I think the first time at least you should be on the ground..." And then the evening continues on as expected.

There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

And what if the other kids laugh at me?” Kerry complained to her parents as she nibbled on a piece of toast that morning. “I have a Cape Breton accent! They’ll know I’m from Canada and they’ll start asking me if I lived in an igloo or ate maple syrup, bacon and seal meat every day!”“You’re really overreacting,” Susan chuckled, sipping on a glass of orange juice. “Canada is a lot like the States and the only thing separating both countries is an imaginary boarder! If anyone laughs at you, tell them it doesn’t snow year-round, you got free health care while you were there and that you never rode a polar bear to school. Besides, do you know how many popular movies and TV shows from the States were filmed in Canada?”“It’s not just the Canada stuff mom,” Kerry sighed worriedly. “I’m from Dym, it’s an industrial dump!”“Yeah, and have you looked at Pittsburgh lately?” Susan asked. “Full of coal mines and steel mills, just like Sydney was when we lived there! I actually rather came to like the pollution, I don’t think I’d ever want to leave it.

And I will wait for Jarod to work for me. For free, cause if it's paid, it's work and not love, unless, of course he loves to work, in which case he’ll surely love working for me, because I love people who love to do that to love to do that.

Just when you see a kid selling a mascot,If you don't buy it because he winks, Not only that will be considered a "boycott",Xenophobically, it will also be a jinx!

At my urgent request the Curie laboratory, in which radium was discovered a short time ago, was shown to me. The Curies themselves were away travelling. It was a cross between a stable and a potato-cellar, and, if I had not seen the worktable with the chemical apparatus, I would have thought it a practical joke.(Wilhelm Ostwald on seeing the Curie's laboratory facilities.)

Now you are laughing aren't you?? You just came from holiday (AS for me I don't really give a shit from holiday, from walk with friends or whatever..)You are thinking about the one fat guy and you think that you are perfect. - If you are perfect you won't be here transcend people don't have what to achieve they know and they will continue to know everything, it's useless!You have health problems, am I right?You have some buds on places which nobody wants to talk, you think that you are a bigger as a personality - but you smoke (Don't you?? You try to stop it, but again the cigarettes say "Smoke one you will be better, smoke another one you will go to heaven..." - this goes to endless does it??You drink Alcohol - don't ya?I don't have words take a look at yourself you drink for what??? For confidence... oh my god you are fuck fagot aren't you??You smoke, but why I know that chimneys smoke, but you?? Are you chimney, it's a joke! :D :D

Dat's a some joke, Hey Boss.

You should write a book," Matrick suggested.Kit snorted. "Who wants to read the self-pitying lamentations of an old revenant?""There's your title right there," said Ganelon.

When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk of circulating my naked photos around.

The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.

We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.

Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.

I was not born with English in my pocket.

For with dandies, a joke is the only way of making yourself respected.

If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.

People will say,"there's heaven and hell", and they take it so serious that they look so sorrowful with penitence. I would rather ask them to show me the route that leads to heaven or hell.

And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffle— Flint alongside her —poke him in the eye, Angelina —it was a joke, professor, it was a joke...

We end up kissing her for an hour, and her lips are so soft they are almost like a joke.

Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).

Sometimes you feel as though you've slandered yourself, but the joke's on them.

We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.

Alecto… what do you think would happen if people found out about you? Your abilities, your life, Mearth’s super 8 films, those powers of yours… how would they react?”“I don’t know,” said Alecto, “but ordinary people like a show, especially when it’s a disturbing one. They enjoy seeing misery… probably because it allows them to pretend that they themselves are not so miserable, too. Also, they would probably find out about you, how you know about Personifications, how you saw the films… they would put us in cages and throw peanuts at us, I guess.”“All joking aside, Alecto.…”“Who is joking, Mandy Valems?

When we perceive aliens as a joke to be laughed at,they feel so pity for us on the success of their plans.

One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.

In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke.

- I'm a Neuroscientist.- What's that? What do you study?- I study your brain!

The apex of mathematical achievement occurs when two or more fields which were thought to be entirely unrelated turn out to be closely intertwined. Mathematicians have never decided whether they should feel excited or upset by such events.

Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.

Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.

I don’t even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell.