Humorous Quotes - Page 19

And watch your tongue. I happen to be partial to humans - most, anyway. Clowns, not so much. Those evil bastards never stop smiling."Niccolo didn't know what these "clowns" were, but he made a mental not to stay away if he ever encountered one. Sounded unpleasant.

Start wherever you are! Low hanging fruit really tastes as good as the high stuff.

Darkness is necessary for evolvement.

We're all secretly idiots inside.

you'll accomlish more with a kind word and a gun, than you will with a kind word alone.

Positiveness is not a god gift. Things are negative when you realize that frog inside you is not able to jump high.

Sam was waiting for her,his gaze sweeping over her. "Looks great." "I look like a geek," Lucy said. "I smell like a brewery. And I need a bra.""My dream date.

Two things never mix: one is enchantments and the other is meddling with them.

What I know now is that gallant young men rarely get pussy. Put it on a sampler and hang it in your kitchen.

Cats, of course, are easier to make fun of. The cutest cat is still a freak. Where
dogs are sympathetic, almost tragic, figures, cats are pure comedy. Dogs are your
buddies, cats are entertainment They're like a TV show. There's nothing funnier than when a cat falls off of something. When a dog falls down a couple of stairs, you rush to it and console it. But when a cat does it, it's funny—you point at it and laugh (which they don't like, incidentally).

You know?” he asked.“Yes. I know what I am.”“You – you do?”“I’m a time traveler.

The only principle of Success in Life :"You must be present to win.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

Leaning forward in the chair, Harley squeezed out a controlled fart, so no one could hear it. This damn reception area was like a echo chamber. If he weren’t careful, it could reverberate around the hall like a shotgun blast.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, shouldn't it follow that cowboys would be deranged?

Many great people had been considered to be boring, like Nigel Mansell, but anyone who had read the racing driver’s autobiography, "Clutch Down, Dick Out", would know that perception was way off the mark.

The point of tantric sex was supposedly to harness sexual energy to awaken higher consciousness. It was just like yoga, but way more fun.

Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.

Think pink but don't wear it

Don't fight the system, mock the system

You saw what I saw, right? Adrienne doing something nice for Xarissa of her own free will. I think I did, said G.ALunette stared into the unknown. This has to be a sign of the coming apocalypse We are all going to die.

Living your life is a task so difficult it has never been attempted before.

A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.

Don't ask creator to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet.

At the best of times, Father Bain's face resembled a clenched fist.

I shall tell you about God once you've reached your imaginary heaven. Then, give me a call.

If someone talks bad about us, we feel bad. If someone talks good about us we feel good. The question is ,Have we given our remote to others for the way we feel?Live your life in your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!