I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better than I understood myself, to take control of me, to save me, to make it all better. I thought that the hardest part of a loving, mutually healing relationship would be showing my vulnerable, raw spots to a person, even though I'd been hurt so many times before. This has not been the hardest part. The actual hardest part has been realizing that no one, no matter how compassionate and kind they are, will say the perfect things always. Myself included. The hardest part has been learning to communicate what I need, to hear what others need, to tell others how to tell me what they need. Intimacy takes communication. A lot of it.We all have triggers. I don't know your triggers, and you don't know mine. No matter how much I love or trust you, you cannot possibly know exactly the words I need to hear, the words I don't want to hear, and the way I like to be touched.And how strange that we expect these things of each other. How strange (and self-sabotaging) that we refuse to get into relationships and friendships with people unless they treat us in just that perfect way. We've been raised to want fairy tales. We've been raised to wait for flawless saviors to rescue us. But the savior isn't flawless and the savior is not coming. The savior is you. The savior is still learning. The savior is never done learning. The savior is a human being.Forget perfect. Forget flawless. And start speaking your truth. Start speaking what you want and how you want it. And start asking and listening, really listening, to what the people around you say.Maybe, then, we will stop abandoning and hurting each other. Maybe, then, there's hope for us.
Difficult times always make us realize the true value of good times. Only a hungry person can appreciate the taste of a loaf of bread- however hard and old that loaf may be. Only a homeless person can truly appreciate the value of a roof over the head- even if it’s in an old unpainted building. Only the blind can appreciate the true value of sight- even if it’s hazy. And so on. So problems and difficulties teach us to better appreciate the good times. They are very important or else our lives would be partial. God is ALWAYS with us; never think, even in your wildest dreams, that He can ever forsake us. If you have been through only good times, you may have forgotten Him, because you were too busy celebrating and enjoying life. He was always there watching over you and keeping you out of harm’s way. It is only during your difficult times that you turn to Him. When things get out of hand you started cribbing and complaining that He has left you to the wolves. No, that’s not true; He was and is always there by your side. He’s now busy solving your problems and showing you a way out of the mess you are in. It is, perhaps, His way of showing the other side of life; of making you realize that things do go wrong and sunshine as well as rain should be taken in your stride. He sends rain to you to make you appreciate the warmth of sunny days. He puts you through difficult times to teach you the value of good times. It’s His way of teaching you to see the silver lining. You will not crib about the huge electricity bill, because you are earning enough to afford a good house with lights and heating gadgets to keep it warm. You will not feel irritated with the out of tune singer in the row behind you because it means that you can hear well. You will not feel miffed with your daughter for having dropped coffee on your clothes, because it means you have a family to come home to. Appreciate what you have and have thank the Lord for all that He has given you instead of crying for what you don’t have.