Quotes by Satirists

Stolen oranges also have Vitamin C. Likewise, a stolen salmon, too, has omega-3 fatty acids.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I know that thete are people who do not love their fellow man and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer
Libraries can in general be too narrow or too wide for the soul.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Getting through life without a lot of money, possessions, and/or friends is admirable, especially if it is by choice.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
On the top of Cadair Idris,I felt how happy a man might bewith a little money and a sane intellect,and reflected with astonishment and pityon the madness of the multitude.
Thomas Love Peacock
Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
Ambrose Bierce
I knew books could see people around them, they ground their tiny teeth, tried to rattle like windows, stories to tell.
Steve Aylett
What dire offence from am'rous causes springs,What mighty contests rise from trivial things,...
Alexander Pope
Idiot - A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.
Ambrose Bierce
Rule your mind or it will rule you.
Horace
Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Those who say that money can’t buy one love make it sound as if love can buy one money.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Men marry for the womb. Women marry for their tummy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Though man needs to live to believe, he does not need to believe to live.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Beauties in vain their pretty eyes may roll; Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul.
Alexander Pope
Not all ‘whites’ are racists. Not all racists are ‘white.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nature to all things fixed the limits fitAnd wisely curbed proud man's pretending wit.As on the land while here the ocean gains.In other parts it leaves wide sandy plainsThus in the soul while memory prevails,The solid power of understanding failsWhere beams of warm imagination play,The memory's soft figures melt awayOne science only will one genius fit,So vast is art, so narrow human witNot only bounded to peculiar arts,But oft in those confined to single partsLike kings, we lose the conquests gained before,By vain ambition still to make them moreEach might his several province well command,Would all but stoop to what they understand.
Alexander Pope
If we attend continually and promptly to the little that we can do, we shall ere long be surprised to find how little remains that we cannot do.
Samuel Butler
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
John Sladek
Many a parent, sad to say, has used their child as an opportunity for them, the parent, to do, through their child, something or some of the things that they, the parent, did not do or did not do successfully.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sensible people get the greater part of their own dying done during their own lifetime
Samuel Butler
Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To label someone as selfless is symptomatic of having bought the preposterous claim that a human being can have great concern for other human beings and little concern for themselves, or that, when taken to extremes, a human being can have great concern for other human beings and absolutely no concern for themselves.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Employees leave where they work. Employers live where they work.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Achievement is the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
Ambrose Bierce
Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
Samuel Butler
To hear how great your friends think you are: fake your death, or, get married.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Every man's work, whether it be literature, or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself.
Samuel Butler
If one is seeking for Heaven on earth, has slept in geography class.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
Belonging to the working class is the economy’s punishment for those who did what they were told to do in class.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A killer is someone who killed another without their country’s permission.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Be England what she will With all her faults she is my country still.
Charles Churchill
A ‘white’ kid that asks too many questions is called *curious.* A ‘black’ kid that asks too many questions is called *forward.*
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If we really exist merely to fulfill God’s plan: then life is a television drama; with God being the scriptwriter, the director, and, the audience.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people each left their spouse or lover because he or she was no longer the primary source of their happiness; some, because their spouse or lover was, at that time, the primary source of their unhappiness.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
That charity which longs to publish itself ceases to be charity.
Ulrich von Hutton
It is childish to eat primarily or only to please your tongue.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Between Monday and Saturday men make an audience. On Sunday, they make a congregation.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
That sovereign of insufferables.
Ambrose Bierce
Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest. The soul, uneasy, and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come.
Alexander Pope
Order is heaven's first law.
Alexander Pope
I replied that England (the dear place of my nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food, more than its inhabitants are able to consume, ... But, in order to feed the luxury and intemperance of the males, and the vanity of the females, we sent away the greatest part of our necessary things to other countries, from whence in return we brought the materials of diseases, folly, and vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of necessity that vast numbers of our people are compelled to seek their livelihood by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating, pimping, forswearing, flattering, suborning, forging, gaming, lying, fawning, hectoring, voting, scribbling, freethinking,
Jonathan Swift
There are never enough 'I love you's.
Lenny Bruce
BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
Ambrose Bierce
When did reason ever direct our desires or our fears?
Juvenal
Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Remember: God's grief at the unspeakable things we do to one another is beyond measuring, but so is His mercy. It might seem a terrible thing to say to people who've lost and suffered so much at the hands of hatred and violence. But true courage is not to hate our enemy, any more than to fight and kill him. To love him, to love in the teeth of his hate—that is real bravery. That ought to earn people m-m-medals.
Tony Hendra
If we go on in this way, we shall have a new art of poetry, of which one of the first rules will be: To remember to forget that there are any such things as sunshine and music in the world.
Thomas Love Peacock
HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.
Ambrose Bierce
Culture is a symbolic veil with which we hide our animal nature from ourselves … and other animals.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Periods are a period when nature forces prostitutes to go on leave.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
False happiness is like false money it passes for a long time as well as the true and serves some ordinary occasions but when it is brought to the touch we find the lightness and alloy and feel the loss.
Alexander Pope
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.
Charlie Brooker
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Ambrose Bierce
Logic is like the sword--those who appeal to it shall perish by it.
Samuel Butler
Sense isn’t democratic. An opinion uttered by 99 people does not necessarily make more sense than an opposing opinion that was uttered by one person.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Tomorrow is like 'there.' Once you get 'there,' it is called 'here.' So, technically, life is a set of Todays.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There are more writers who read than readers who write.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana