Sexy Humor Quotes

Nature programmed the neurobiological processes of early love to appear as something beyond the primitive sexual cravings of the genitals. So, from an evolutionary standpoint, it all leads to copulation and reproduction, but from the perspective of the individual who has recently fallen head over heels in love with someone, it is mostly about a sensation of warmth and delight, and rarely of sexual nature.

Guys are like dogs. You wish you could take them all home when they're young. But after they've howled all night and slobbered all over everything, you come to realize the ones already trained are much easier to live with.

Many of my ex-girlfriends were habitual half-asian daters. These women considered half-asian men 'exotic,' 'sexy,' and 'just-like-Keanu Reeves-in-the-Matrix. I consider these stereotypes appropriate because I got laid.

Robert, what are you doing? I'm cooking.’‘I like to thank the chef for the excellent food.’‘But surely that is done at the end of the meal.’‘What a good idea, I'll thank you later … as it should be done.

We can’t do this on so many levels,” she whispered. But I don’t care." Vee, The Way You Bite

Males of all species are made for wooing females, and females typically choose among their suitors. If you take a closer look, you can observe such behavior all around you. The beautiful bird chirping outside your window. It’s a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to attract a potential mate, so that it can propagate its genes. Why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? It is to attract a healthy female. He as well is trying to propagate his genes. Even we humans, are not much different from the rest of the animal kingdom when it comes to attracting potential mates. When women dress up for their night out at the club, they are doing so to look attractive. This is a subconscious evolutionary desire to attract as many potential mates as possible.... While women tend to grab attention with their looks, men on the other hand, tend to attract as many potential females as possible, by showing off their resources. When a man shows off with his fancy car, expensive gold watch and suit, or flexes his muscles and brags about how many credit cards he owns, he’s doing so to make himself desirable by healthy women, in order to propagate his genes. It is all in the pursuit of reproduction.

I’ll take her home. You guys finish … whatever … you were doing.” She glances to me, a slight blush on her face. I tug Cash’s borrowed shirt down, hiding my red ass cheek. The spatula is still in his hand. He’s only wearing boxers. Dear Lord.

I’m going to make you feel so good,” I swore to her, “that you’re going to not just scream my name, but forget yours.

A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.

I like to play dirty. I can also be very, very exacting.” Rate St. Sebastian.

The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem.

Love begins with the stage of subconscious primitive lust and attraction. I’m saying primitive because at this very early stage there is really no difference between primitive man and modern man.

It's hard to argue over money when a girl flashes you her pussy.

Mmhh! I have several ideas, but I don't know where to start.’‘You mean to hear me shout your name?’‘Yes, that's one of the ideas I have in mind.

Mmmm I like the sounds you're making," he murmured in a honeyed whisper. "I just bet that you're a screamer. Should I have brought earplugs?Kurt Nielsen

He began to take off his shirt. "Undress," he ordered. "No." There was a fierceness in her eye, and a smile on her lips. "Make me.

If you keep torturing me like this …’ Robert said.‘What will happen?’‘You don't know?

Did you get a secret thrill out of sitting across from me, eating a civilized dinner while pretending not to know you were teasing my cock?" Rate St. Sebastian

I hired you for your attitude, and so far I’m pretty happy with my decision. But I’m not sure I can work with you until I’ve fucked this attraction out of my system.

My sub doesn't pay for me,” he says, pulling me to my feet. “That just doesn't happen.”“But we ordered so much,” I say helpl

Did you want to change into something more comfortable?” Adrian asks with a raise in his eyebrows, breaking me out of my train of thought, but not away from naughty thoughts.I smack his knee. “I'm comfortable, but I know you're not.” He doesn't mind dressing up, but on most days I see him in casual clothes like screen-printed tees and hoodies.“You're right,” he says, tapping my knee lightly, standing up. As he walks toward the hallway, he slips his shirt off the rest of the way. I can't look away from the sight, even if it is only from the back. Damn. What is happening to me? Have I gone mad?Before I can tear my eyes away from him, he turns around. Judging by the look in his eyes, I've been caught. I have so been caught. Damn again. I didn't want him to see me practically drooling. It's too late for that now.He smirks. “You know, I could spend the rest of the night just like this.” He places a hand to the hard muscles of his chest.I clear my throat, trying really hard not to imagine my hand in place of his, and say, “If I'm wearing clothes, you're wearing clothes.”“So if I'm not wearing clothes...” I grab a coaster from the coffee table and fling it at him. He catches it in his hand. “Just remember, all you have to do is say otherwise.

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

Feeling a little calmer?” she asked, leaning against the desk again.Dax snorted. “Mellow as anything. I’m ready to curl up and take a nap now. Don’t mind if I purr.

When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.

But as an escort it’s our duty to hold their attention and play with their heads. The one between their ears and the one in their pants.

You smell salty," he says. "Like the ocean." He leans closer to me and licks up the side of my face. "You taste salty too. Maybe I should grab a bottle of tequila and we should have some fun." He moves his eyebrows up and down. "What do you say? We'll do some shots and I'll lick you all over.

You love that, don't you?" I growled. "Being hammered by my cock... you must think you're in... fucking... heaven."Punctuation by cock thrust - the very best kind.

Took long enough,” she called out, not wanting to admit how the sight of him made her throat hitch, how the man was so gorgeous she lost her mind. “I thought you drowned in the mirror from staring into your reflection too long.

Just don’t stare at my ass, Landemere,” he added.“I wasn’t staring at your ass,” Arranulf, who had been staring at his ass, said.

It’s not over, Maddie. It’s still not over between us. We need to talk.

It's funny, this - so many words to describe the same thing,” she smiled...“Penis is simply an anatomical appendage, as exciting as a finger or a phalange. A willy is something small and flaccid, and at least slightly humorous. Prick is the organ as viewed with distaste, perhaps with so much as to describe the entire body it’s attached to, like a dick, but more so. Phallus is a symbol of fertility, but my favourite...is the cock, which is only ever the hard, real thing, unleashed and ready to dive head-first into any waiting orifice. Or hole, while I’m in thesaurus mode.

Some men do not know the father of 'their' children.

I want you in every way possible and in ways you’ve probably never even imagined. Your saving grace is I don’t sleep with vamps. If things were different we wouldn’t be talking and you’d be enjoying the hell out of where this could be going.” - Lexan, The Way You Bite

Ugh. You’re being . . . you.”“Was that in English?”“This is all your fault.”“Nope. Definitely not English.”“You’re being all hot and sexy, dammit,” she said. She banged her head on his chest a few times. “And I can’t seem to . . . not notice said hotness and sexiness.

Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.

She took hold of him through his pants. "I want this inside me five minutes ago.

He takes my mouth with such fervor, my heart pounds harder than after I’ve just run for miles. My legs now feel like over cooked noodles.

I warned you the next time you spread your legs for me, I wouldn't be a gentleman. Did you expect a gentleman, Chelsea?" Rate St. Sebastian

For the briefest of moments his eyes sparkled before dimming again. “However much I would love to get into a discussion about chastity belts, now is not the time. The people we were fighting were not human in the strictest sense of the word.

Mr. Montgomery pushes the envelope. It's everything we shouldn't do, yet, he makes us want to, anyway.

You didn’t care about anything except my tongue tracing the path of your thong. All the way down…" Rafe St. Sebastian

Real sex is as much about reciprocity as it is exploration and if you need a reason to resent a man later on, just consider the guy who doesn’t believe in cunnilingus...

Oh yeah," Zane says and smirks at me. "I had her for dinner once. Best meal of my life.

He circled around me, whispering in my ear. “I’m O positive. I’m everyone’s type.

they all think men are obsolete. useless. as if we're just some sexual appendix.

Shane was just leaving, too.”“What?” he c

The best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned.

When they figure out how to bottle up orgasms and sell them as a food additive, I'll be first in line.

What the hell are you doing with my underwear?” He kept his response flippant. “I don’t have this color in my collection.

Never be afraid to be sexy!

Did you get any blood on your breasts? I’m willing to go the extra mile.

Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.

With Mr. Montgomery, I set out to see what it would be like to write a novel in 30 days. It was hell! I'd do it again in a minute.

Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.

Stop,” he murmured, or at least that’s what he meant to say. It came out sounding more like “Yes,” which probably wasn’t the same thing at all.

Nineteen ninety-eight was a banner year for Connie. She was separately invited by two male former college friends to participate in an ménage à trois with them and their wives, despite her overbite and diminutive breasts.

Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.

Gabby couldn't believe what he had just said. Her mouth gaped open and a flirty smile came over her. She slowly peeled her half wet white t-shirt over her head and then slowly shimmied out of her shorts. What had gotten into her? She had never acted like this before, but she suddenly felt playful, fun and daring. If he wanted to play, so could she.

Because I absolutely, positively cannot fuck you, Lola,” he says like it’s a formal declaration.I furrow my brow and salute him, which makes him snicker.

Come make me sticky.Dimitri to Honor