Sarcasm Quotes - Page 9

It would be the last thing he did if he beat my dog.

Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.

I think my reputation will look after itself," Holmes said. "If they hang me, Watson, I shall leave it to you to persuade your readers that the whole thing was a misunderstanding.

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,’ said Carrot‘What, in Ankh-Morpork?’‘Yes, sir.’‘We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value

Marion: What is all this? What's going on?Clint: The same thing that's always going on. The end of the world.

Whatever crimes this man had committed, they weren't as egregious as his inflated self-image.

The problem is that in this jail there are too many mosquitoes, they don't let me sleep.

It's better to shut a fool's mouth with sarcasm rather than cursing him back.

If I want to fuck a guy, I want to fuck a guy.

For the first time, but certainly not the last, I began to believe that Arsenal's moods and fortunes somehow reflected my own

I've given her signs! I've given her plenty of signs. What does she want me to do? Slap him across the face with my glove, and challenge him to pistols at dawn?

On the line beside Describe your family, I wrote, "Bad."What is your favorite subject in school? "None."List three of your favorite activities. "Soccer, ballet, and fighting."Two of those favorite activities were lies but one of them was the truth.I am fond of fighting.

Ryn looks sideways at me and raises an eyebrow,"It's big enough for two."-"You're joking right?Why don't you pretend to be a gentleman and give me the

You seem to know a lot about it," she said. "And you do subtleties.""Yeah. Like I've always wanted to destroy the Nine Worlds while committing suicide.""Well, there's no need to be rude," protested Sif.

I glanced back to Yanni to see him smiling at us. "You two can stop being so cute now." "Well, Spencer can," Andrew deadpanned. "I, unfortunately, am cute all the time." I laughed. "It's true. He is.

What if," replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, "we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to shield the words from public view?

Oh no, Nick" Jaime said in tones of supremely unconvincing shock, "how could you? When my back was turned for one momement. And my food was so delicious.

Who the hell is that?!Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names.

The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved.

What--has O-Tar seen an ulsio and fainted?" demanded I-Gos with broad sarcasm."Men have died for less than that, ancient one," E-Thas reminded him."I am safe," retorted I-Gos, "for I am not a brave and popular son of the jeddak of Manator.

What happened?" he demanded. "I heard an explosion!""Yeah.That was me. I set the boat alight.""What?""I set fire to the boat.""But we're on the boat!""I know.

I thought you were a drunk.""A drunk?""Bloodshot eyes, dirty clothes, getting home in the wee hours of the morning, making a lot ofnoise, grouchy all the time as if you had a hangover… what else was I to think?"He rubbed his face. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have showered, shaved, and dressed in asuit before I came out to tell you that you were making enough noise to raise the dead.

Now, Mr. Antonio. I understand that there are people who are close to you who want me dead.”“No, mija. They don’t want you dead.”“Then explain this.” I handed him the picture.He chuckled again.“No, they don’t want you dead. That would be too easy. They want revenge.”Cold sweat broke out all over me, but I kept my face calm. I looked at him straight in the eye.“Well, then they are going to be quite disappointed, aren’t they?” I flashed my teeth at him.“Senorita, you might want to warn Senor Smith, you see, my nephew he doesn’t like to share, and if he sees another man after you, he’ll get very, eh, aggressive.” The silver fox looked at me and winked.“Oh, he won’t have to worry.” I said as I was walking out the door. “I doubt he will be alive long enough to know Agent Smith.”Then I slammed the door.

You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.

If this is how you feel about a desert, I can't wait until you see your first real tree. Your mind will explode.

I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?""Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.""But...you did something nice. Why?"He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?

Casting sarcasm ain't easy.. It needs hard work and a big mug of cappuccino!

Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?

Kishan stretched out his hand and touched and earring lightly. His rakish pirate about-to-make-off-with-your-woman-and-what-do-you-think-you're-gonna-do-about-it look melted away to a soft smile that turned up the corner of his mouth.

That's one way we differ, Jaime and I. He's taller as well, you may have noticed.

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life?

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.

[about a hat] You can put it on and say, "Hey you, person without a hat! I've got something you don't! How did I get it? Probably by being worth more to society.

Too bad. Game over. Insert new fucking quarter.

It's easy to make women happier and busier. How? Buy her a talking mirror beside bitching it has to be programmed to say, "You are looking very beautiful and slimmer," at precisely every hour.

At the last moment, Kellan swerved around him, quickly leaving the zombie behind. “Why didn't you just hit him?” Jayden asked, turning to look behind us as we sped away. I did, too. The zombie spun around as he immediately started to follow us. “I didn't want to mess up my paint job,” Kellan sarcastically replied as he turned on the street that would lead us to the store. “Plus, I just washed it.

Two thousand years and I’ve never met anyone so stubborn.

They were shot with a shotgun and put in garbage bags and thrown under a bridge," Shrake said. "If it wasn't murder, it was a really weird accident.

I suppose that I found out two more constituents of the eternal engine: folly and curiosity.

And involuntarily I compared the childish sarcasm, the religious sarcasm of Voltaire with the irresistible irony of the German philosopher whose influence is henceforth ineffaceable.

That was Hunter,' said Quinn as his father's footsteps faded away.'I figured. Since he said to call him Hunter and everything.

Cordelia glared at me. 'I expect if someone strapped you to table an swung an axe over your naked quivering flesh like The Pit and the Pendulum, you'd be correcting his grammar'.

Janice rolled her eyes. First, the doctor had ogled her, and now Karr was leering at her and licking his lips lasciviously."Oh this is great. I'm being mentally undressed by a space pirate.

Julio was willing to bet that Officer "I've Seen It All" Mac had never seen a horde of black-skinned demons wearing rags and armor and carrying swords and spears, dragging a naked woman and a chubby boy by a rope. No, he was willing to bet his left nut that even officer Mac had never seen such a thing.

What are American dry-goods? asked the duchess, raising her large hands in wonder and accentuating the verb.American novels, answered Lord Henry.

Love is worth dying for, said the spermatozoid.

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds.

So the I.F. is spying on Earth.""Just as a mother spies on her children at play in the yard.""Good to know you're looking out for us, Mummy.

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night.""And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically.

Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.

Och, they suit you, Queenie! Promise me you'll wear them.

It’s a good thing that the sheep are all so law abiding

She'd asked him what it was like to be in there, doing nothing but then being woken up to speak to somebody you couldn't see. He'd said that it was like being woken from a deep and satisfying sleep, to be asked questions while you kept your eyes closed. He was quite happy. Sight was over-rated anyway.

Do…you…have…a…hard…time…finding…Steve’s dick?” she enunciated, enjoying Mary’s extreme discomfort. “He’s big as a fuckin’ house so I imagine it might be a bit of a problem.” The New Jersey accent that was still there after more than fifteen years in the south, resurfaced in her aggravation.

Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. “Let’s hurry up and pay before she”-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-“sees something shiny and we lose her again.

Why do you have a cigarette lighter in your glove compartment?" her husband, Jack, asked her. "I'm bored with knitting. I've taken up arson

I am so tired of this gothic crap,” I muttered. “Just once, I want to meet the villain in a cheerful, brightly lit room. Possibly one with kittens.

Why were you lurking under our window?""Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?""Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage."Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.

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