Sarcasm Quotes - Page 14

I'm good. And it's good to see you've kept up the tradition of getting the holy shit beat out of you,even when you're in a nice, civilized place.

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

Oh, for the love of God. There is no agent more agent than you. I swear you have pin-striped ties encrypted into your DNA. When you die, the coffin is going to read Property of the FBI.

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.

Weapons master is giving me special lessons." she (Amily) chuckled. " He calls then How Not To Get Killed lessons.

YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter.

As soon as they were spotted, one of the jerk’s buddies pointed at me and said, “Arrest her! She’s the one who killed Z

Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW

In the battle of DNAs, your DNA will always win against the DNA of your father.

Well, how do we get out of this place?” Evyette’s voice shaking slightly.“We can’t.” If Kaleb felt any hopelessness he wasn’t conveying it. He looked around arduously, “Unless we find someone willing to help us.”“Oh well, that should not be a problem at all,” Tristan retorted throwing his hands up, “considering everything so far has tried to kill us!

Is my life, by any chance, about to take a new turn?

Think people really want to know what's out there?""Probably not. People don't know what they want, Evelyn, or life wouldn't suck

I believe sarcasm is the passive form of rudeness and should not be tolerated in the Body of Christ.

The city of Leonia refashions itself every day: every morning the people wake between fresh sheets, wash with just-unwrapped cakes of soap, wear brand-new clothing, take from the latest model refrigerator still unopened tins, listening to the last-minute jingles from the most up-to-date radio.On the sidewalks, encased in spotless plastic bags, the remains of yesterday's Leonia await the garbage truck. Not only squeezed tubes of toothpaste, blown-out light bulbs, newspapers, containers, wrappings, but also boilers, encyclopedias, pianos, porcelain dinner services.It is not so much by the things that each day are manufactured, sold, bought, that you can measure Leonia's opulence, but rather by the things that each day are thrown out to make room for the new.So you begin to wonder if Leonia's true passion is really , as they say, the enjoyment of new things, and not, instead, the joy of expelling, discarding, cleansing itself of a recurrent impurity. The fact is that street cleaners are welcomed like angels.

I realize you're planning on fighting all the dragons single-handedly-""I'm going to protect you from John, dammit. Show him that he can't fucking mess with you. This is about territory."Tom narrowed his eyes. "Are you going to piss a circle around me too?""If that's what it takes.

For me, all those systematic Bureaucracies of traditional schools jaded me. For me, I still couldn’t understand why we have to have a factory style education for children living in the 21st century. Why hold them in place, asking them to read and repeat and giving them a number of tasks to finish? I still have no idea how exams and objective assessments could measure human behavior or intelligence. Is it some kind of barcoding human aptitude? Is it ethical anyway?

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

I admire all my three sons-in-law highly. Wickham, perhaps is my favourite; but I think I shall like your husband quite as well as Jane's.

All My Bitches Are Mad At Me Right Now.

We call this a “bow”, Cap’n, and the thing that’s sticking out of that fellow’s head over on the other side of the trench is called an “arrow”. If you put them together just right, they’ll do all sorts of nice things to people who aren’t nice.

Playful, positive sarcasm is different from negative mean sarcasm, and many people don't know the difference.

With a sense of humor like that, you could make a living as a garbage man anywhere in the country.

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".

You see why I married her, Mycroft? The exquisite juxtaposition of ladylike threads and backhanded compliments proved irresistible.

What are you doing?" Alain asked."Starting a fire, of course." Mari held up the thing in her hand. "It's a fire-starter. A really simple device. Haven't you ever seen one?"Alain shook his head. "Never. That thing seems very complicated. I do not understand how it can work." "How do you start fires?"That was a Guild secret. Or was it? The elders had told him that no Mechanic could understand how it worked. What would this Mechanic say if he told her? "I use my mind to channel power to create a place where it is hot, altering the nature of the illusion there," Alain explained, "and then use my mind to put that heat on what I want to burn.""Oh," Mechanic Mari said. "Is that actually how you visualize the process?""That is how it is done," Alain said."That's...interesting." She grinned. "So, instead of making fire by doing something complicated or hard to understand like striking a flint, you just alter the nature of reality. That is a lot simpler.

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It's a nice day, or You're very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you alright? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical.

You are soft person you said. But you're soft as shit: it is very soft but stinking!

Since you stand in the same bridge with him why don't you two just jump off.

Twenty-three stories up and all I could see out the windows was grey smog. They could call it the City of the Angels if they wanted to, but if there were angels out there, they had to be flying blind.

I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was getting into a fight with a spider sandwich.

Well, what do you want me to do? Head butt my way through a few inches of steel?!” she snarled.“Well, that would certainly earn you a cookie!

Silverstream: You idiot!!! What are you doing in my territory???Graystripe:...Drowning?Silverstream: Can't you do that in your own territory?Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?

... As could the sarcasm in her voice. "yes, she's bleeding to deat Lu upstairs, but i thought I'd avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out.

Murderous thieves make their home here." She failed to keep the tremor from her voice. "Absolutely," Jonas replied."Dangerous animals too.""Without a doubt."She slanted a look toward him. "Perfect place for you."He repressed a snort. "Oh, such compliments, your highness. You're going to make me blush.

How can she create with all your negative energy?""Yeah, man. You're bringing us down.""This is about as low as it gets," Ariel said. "Where did you get those ridiculous black berets?"Moth adjusted his recently donned beatnik attire. "This is what the hip cats wear , daddy-o.""Can you dig it?" Cobweb stroked a few wisps of fake chin hair, while the others nodded and snapped their fingers.

That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.

One comforting thing about the Trump White House is that you aren't forced to choose between malice and incompetence.

Entertaining females with accounts of jug-bitten maunderings is one of my favourite pastimes.

I used to jog but it's bad for the knees. Too much beta carotene turns you orange, too much calcium gives you kidney stones. Health kills.

So this was the rest of his life. It felt like a party to which he'd been invited, but at an address he couldn't actually locate. Someone must be having fun at it, this life of his; only, right at the moment, it wasn't him.

Well, OK then." He narrowed his eyes. "How about you? Do you have any...romances I should know about?""Nope. Not one.""Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun."She smiled. "I'm glad you have such ambitious dreams for me.

Sometimes, I think, that in the mornings when you first wake up, every thing that happened in the previous day rushes through our mind so fast, we, A: Don't realize it. B: Become more tired, die a little inside, and become groggy. Since everyday, we die a little inside we age closer and closer to death. We constantly grow older, and we're constantly dying. Therefore, don't wake me up early, or I'll take it that you wanted to kill me.

What's going on?" I asked when he finished."I'll let you know soon. For now, we have to wait.""Great. My favorite thing to do.

Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.

We are literally in the heart of Jesus," he said."I thought we were in a church basement, but we are literally in the heart of Jesus.""Someone should tell Jesus," I said. "I mean, it's gotta be dangerous, storing children with cancer in your heart.

Fine, it’s decided.” Vain resumed his stride. “I’ll do all the killing, and you doall the stuff that an Avun-Riah does. Whatever the hell that is.

Dr. Cox: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man Not Caring.[points to self]

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?

Strange though it is,Sarov still cares about you. He told me to leave you alone. But I think, this time, I must disobey the general. You are mine! And I intend to make you suffer...""Just talking to you makes me suffer," Alex said.

I think you people are just marvelous,” she said in a dramatic manner, closing her eyes for a moment. “You know, sometimes I hear the Great Spirit calling to me. Perhaps I was a squaw in my last life. My family would never talk about it when I was growing up, but I’m pretty sure my great-grandmother was a real Cherokee princess. Are you Cherokee, by any chance?”“Cherokee to the bone, ma’am,” Luther replied, giving Jimmy a wink.“Oh, I knew it when I laid eyes on you,” she responded and turned to Jimmy. “Are you also Cherokee?”“No, ma’am. I wanted to be but I didn’t have the grades to get in.”“Oh, you poor dear,” the woman said, reaching over to pat him on the arm.

I get the same buzz cleaning up the yard as Leo Tolstoy did from scything hay.

In the meantime, I’ll get a job. I’ll pay my own way.” “A job?” “Mmm, yeah. It’s that thing people do to make money.

Never take the goals and aspirations along with your corpse. Rather execute... they doth entertain and enthrall the world around you!

I wasn't entirely sure, but a polite John Pritkin might be a sign of the apocalypse.

Facebook is that successful guy you’re supposed to want to date, but you can’t keep your mind off the beautiful freak in the corner. Twitter is my freak.

My dominant (no pun intended) discourse seems to be needy as fuck.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.''And yet it is still extremely funny.

Men weigh love with hands.

Were you born stupid, Heinrich, or did you have to study?

We just wanted to see whose dick was in yer mouth. Call it curiosity.