Humorous Quotes - Page 7

In other words, he was the tree in the forest that silently fell--when no one was around to be crushed.

There's a story behind every "I don't believe in love""Period

Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.

Sticks and Stones may break my bones,but whips and chains excite me.So throw me down, tie me up,and show me how you like me.

A writing day is like any other day. Except I live in my pajamas, I forget to eat, and I suddenly look up, wondering when day turned into night.

I've found that all it usually takes to draw out an engineer is to ask a couple of technical questions and then remain calm while listening to the answers. Most people tend to take on a blank, frightened look as soon as they realize that a technical explanation is under way; if you can resist giving this reaction and simply listen, your engineer will open up and tell you everything you ever wanted to know.

Conjugation of the irregular verb “to design”:I create, You interfere, He gets in the way.We cooperate, You obstruct, They conspire.

Michael Palin : "I am sorry to interrupt you there Dennis, but he's crossed it out. Thomas Hardy here on the first day of his new novel has crossed out the only word he has written so far and he is gazing off into space. Ohh! Oh dear he's signed his name again."Graham Chapman: "It looks like Tess of the D'Urbervilles all over again."- Matching Tie and Handkerchief, "Novel Writing

How passionate have you embrace life?

I sneak quietly up the stairs and toward my door. It’s not very late, but I don’t want to arouse Cyclops Eye next door. I’ve stopped looking as I walk past, but it’s difficult not to notice her window open just a few inches and her sitting right next to it, ready at a moment’s notice to give me her big one-eyed look. Maybe I should get her a monocle for Christmas, so she can make more of a statement.

What level of personal are we talking about?" she mumbled. "I don't mind discussing my periods in graphic detail, but I'm probably going to stay quiet about the jar of fingernail clippings I carry with me at all times.

Suffering is the sorrow of joy.

You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?

God doesn't send atheists to Hell -- there's no room with all the Christians down there.

Eye Amost Evr Spel Ah Werd Wong Annymoe, sinc eye goat alto pel

I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.

I’ve been focusing on my career. I’ve had no time. That’s why I wanted to go out this weekend. I’ve been storing that shit up like a sexual camel. At this point I’d probably just walk into the bar, blow my load all over the room like a fire hose, and walk out.

I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.

There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.

Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flamethrower.

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.

I gave up drinking coffee for you. I swapped pizza for produce, and this is what I get in return?

My parents had drinks and there were crudités for us- although they were not called crudités at the time, they were called carrots and celery.

Finish is a laundry powder. I feel guilty when I finish a book.

I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?

IF you want to be a winner than follow one simple rule and feed it in your mind. Take each task and work as " Do it yourself project.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

To all the ladies:" I don't like to be in ladies who judges you by every joke you made, sometimes I do good sometimes bad, don't laugh for me laugh for yourself if you really got it.; Otherwise I'm pretty happy with my own version. ;)

Family, can’t live with them, can’t orbitally bombard them back to the foul, oozing proto-plasma they crawled out of, I thought grimly.

Aging gracefully - A that is rejected in 40s, but gracefully accepted in 50s...

For the record, and those readers oblivious to metaphor, I would have avoided the subject entirely if my wife did not assure me I was of average size, an opinion as comforting as it is troublesome, because I know how much research she's done first hand. From the chapter, "Small Penis Rule".

How long you will live in your dreams? The time is now, it's better to go and follow them..

Life is about the moments you create,that you can keep with you forever.After everything is over,That is what we have or what we are left with.

If you wish for pearls, pray always.

He has his head in the clouds. He must live in a skyscraper.

Men did stupid things when they got romantic ideas in their heads.

If a demon and a vampire mated, their offspring would be unique but in harmony, like a Labrador retriever crossed with a poodle. Voila, labradoodle!But a vemon was a made creature, as if one took the front half of the Lab and jammed it onto the back half of thr poodle. In other words, wrong.

I was very sorry to hear about your losses. Your brother was a terrible traitor, I know, but if we start killing men at weddings they'll be more frightened of marriage than they are presently. (Olenna Tyrell to Sansa Stark

MISUNDERSTANDING" arises only when you see the things with Closed Eyes

Feeling old? Remember, you will never again be as young as your are today.

Oh, I usually pray in Spanish, speak French to my boyfriend, curse in Dutch, and talk German to my German Shepherd

Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.

As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive for many years has become a boy again.

My dog hasn't said a word all day, he must have a lot on his mind

I laugh when i'm hurt.I laugh when i'm confused.I laugh when i'm angry.I laugh because others will laugh as well, and while we are laughing, I feel okay for a while.

To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They'll never get to be swans

Have and show motivation to do and learn. That's the key for a good career. Everything else is an extrapolation of that.

The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.

My sight, hearing and strength are superior and I can fly. What more do you want?

The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.

A woman is a flower.

Marriage is the equivalent of trying to live with a bug perpetually up your nose.”D’Artagnan Bloodhawke

If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.

The most important subject in the curriculum in the future years will be how to love ourselves and be content.

I measure my days by the number of homicidal thoughts I have. I only had two today. So it must have been good.

I hope you won't mind, my dear, if we take it," said Thunder Karlsson. "Oh, not at all," said Pippi. "Of course not." And with that, Blom went over and took out the suitcase. "I hope you won't mind, my dear, if I take it back," said Pippi, as she climbed out of bed and went over to Blom.

Writing a book with completely fictitious characters is like running a democracy, centered around a capital state. You constantly live with the fear & suspicion that one of the characters will start an uncontrollable rebellion.

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

Just married! A bright past is ahead of them!

For all those who say its a Man world. Respect Women Its their World we are just guest here