Humor Quotations Quotes

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Get high on love, not drugs.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend until love introduces her to her soulmate.

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.

If you blame gravity for falling in love, even God has the right to laugh at you.

Love came, it saw, and it conquered me.

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.

An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.