Funny Quotes - Page 8

Christians we cannot be allowed to be fractured at a time like this. There are more of us, there are more of light in us than in the agents of darkness.

Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him participate in synchronized diving.

You guys are weird," Tori said.Simon sat on the crate beside me. "That's right. We are totally weird and completely uncool. Your popularity is plummeting just by being near us.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

What are those bulb things you're slicing?""You've never seen fennel? It looks like celery and tastes like licorice.

Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

If a problem can be solved, there is nothing to worry about. If it can't be solved, well you can always buy chocolate :)

I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big."His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things.""What?"The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed.

All your Western theologies, the whole mythology of them, are based on the concept of God as a senile delinquent

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s, I mean.

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone.

You’ve got a big ego, Fuentes.”“That’s not all I’ve got.

Well,” Lynx said once the man was dead. “That was…uneventful.”“You’re as fickle as an old woman,” Zeus told Lynx. “One minute too much carnage, the next not enough.

Taken from the dedication in my debut novel Exactly 23 days. To honour all women on International Women's day. For women everywhere: When you know you are finally mended, spread the word, hold out your hand, share some love from your heart and some laughter from your soul and be there for a new member of the sisterhood who needs your help. Let's all help our sisters worldwide to stand tall and know, they can and they will recover, survive and thrive, to live the life they deserve. To all the sisters who reached out and held my hand in whatever way you could, who cried my tears with me, and laughter my laughter too, I thank every one of you. I survived.

Mal snickered. "What's so funny?""I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him.

Let me get you all some punch,” I said.“You're leaving us?” said Isabel, sounding panicky.“I'll be right back,” I promised. “If anyone comes near you, just scream and run.

Hope implies that you think you have a chance at something.

There is no spoon.

No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.

The Church being what she is cannot have the instincts of a gentleman.

What's big, thick, makes the earth move, and wants to have its way with you?" "I don't know, but can you introduce me?

Paradigm shift: does that come before swing shift or after?

Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.

The great lie is like a sword that has been thrust into the heart of humankind.

Don't fuckin' sleep on yourself

Objection!" Metz shouts.Grounds?" the judge asks.Well...he's my witness!

Get high on love, not drugs.

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot.

I had a dream about you last night... Unfortunately, it wasn't a dream.

This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's a rogue onion ring at the bottom. You know, at first you're alarmed but you eat it. It all comes from the same place! You just have to go for it.

Dude, you're scaring the crap out of me,' said Nick. 'I'm serious, I literally have no crap right now.

Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.

I love Mormon boys!

We conquer the Independence Day aliens by having a Macintosh laptop computer upload a software virus to the mothership (which happens to be one-fifth the mass of the Moon), thus disarming its protective force field. I don’t know about you, but back in 1996 I had trouble just uploading files to other computers within my own department, especially when the operating systems were different. There is only one solution: the entire defense system for the alien mothership must have been powered by the same release of Apple Computer’s system software as the laptop computer that delivered the virus.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

I gather you weren't keen on going back to Scotland with your brother at this time of year. I don't say I blame you. Terribly bleak and cutoff in the winter.""Oh no, Mom," I said, as her words sunk in. "My brother is not going back to Scotland. He and my sister-in-law are going to the Riviera."The Riviera? I had no idea.""For my sister-in-law's health. She's feeling rather frail at the moment.""I don't think that frail would ever be a word to describe your sister-in-law," the Queen said, looking up with a half smile on her lips as a tray of coffee was reeled into the room."I managed to have six children without making a fuss. One just got on with it.

I just wrote a book. But don't go and buy it yet, because I don't think it's finished.

He stared at her neck. Realization pulsed. He was looking at the bite he had given her. A hard length was growing against her hip. “So, is that your long, scaly, reptilian tail, or are you just happy to see me?” No, she did not just say that. Did she?

The bottom half of the page had descended into a doodle of a tiny man giving the middle finger to a giant, angry eagle with razor-sharp talons. Beneath it, the caption: To Mock a Killing Bird.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man".

Swap out one of these men with the mute, and I’ll be right as rain,” Randy said from his spot near the kitchen entrance.“Thought we were besties,” Bride mumbled into the shot of rum she’d pilfered from Randy’s cabinet.

A crazy old lady, leading a band of teenagers against an angry supernatural Entity - who’da thought?

It was like watching an angsty hormone-fueled train wreck and firmly cemented my resolve to be at least twenty-five before I considered getting hitched.

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

You're FAT - and don't try to sugarcoat it, because you'll just eat that, too.

If a problem is clearly stated, it has no further interest to the physicist.

It all came back to human time and utterly human impulses: in the end, gods did not appreciate godlike power, but humans did.

Dont talk to the crazy kids. I longed to shout back that we weren't crazy. I'd mistaken her kid for a ghost, that's all.

As thou hast said unto thy servant, that thou, which gives life to all, hast given life at once to the creature that thou hast created, and the creature bare it: even so it might now also bear them that now be present at once.

Most human beings strongly believe that money is way less important than the life of a human being, but in reality five hundred, fifty, or even five dollars are way more important to the lives of most human beings than the lives of most human beings.

Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?""A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes.

When I said it aloud, it sounded terribly creepy, which is why I had said it aloud.

Because that's the truth about people with obsessively organised plans: we're not trying to control everything in our lives. We're trying to block everything we can't.

A classroom . People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results.

Sheep hurt my father, and through my father, sheep have also hurt me.

At a time like this maybe the world is looking at us not just at a miracle crusade or sunday church service but the way we are living. Maybe they want to see whether what our Master left for us worked for us; there is a counter spirit to the spirit of fear, it is the love of God.