Funny Quotes - Page 54

There are so many people out there that will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say "Watch me!

I just finished running, and I look and smell like nothing very pleasant. Why, oh, why did he have to bump into me now?

And I like the light-up.”“The what?”“The light-up,” he’d say. “You know, that look people get when they finally realize you’re for real. It’s like electricity. It makes me tingle all over. Like a blanket full of static.”Ew. “Really? I’ve never heard that.”“Yeah, and I like it when people realize we’re out here.”I leaned in close once and asked him, “Do you want your mom to realize you’re out here? Do you want her to know?”“Nah. It took her too long to get over me.”All in all, he was a good kid.

I would have grown up to be a gentleman adventurer if I were more of a gentleman.

If you want to live a life free of regret, there is an option open to you. It’s called a lobotomy.

Where did you meet?” he pressed on.I shrugged and considered a little rephrasing. “I was out for a run.”“From who?”I leaned back to take a long, very long, slow sip of that beer.Knox leaned forward. “I think we’re both bullsh*tting here, you ever play that card game?”“With my grandma, every Sunday after church.

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me arefurious!

What will he then do unto his name whereby we are called? ...of these things have I asked.

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

Self-publishing a shitty book doesn't make you an author any more than singing in the shower makes you a rockstar or squeezing your pimple makes you a dermatologist.

I hear Mr. Palmer tell Hannah that it was an electrical fault. Five arsonists in one school and it ends up being something so technically boring.

You haven't rewarded evil unto them who were at peace with you; nor you have delivered them that without cause is your enemy. But they want to tread down your soul upon the earth, and lay your honour in the dust.

I should mention, by the way, that LVR stands for Luminal Velocity Regulator. I suppose it could also stand for Large Venezeulan Rats, but in this case it does not.

Holy shit! Can we say unstable? Was I the only sane one around here? Well, I guess that really wasn’t setting the standard very high." -Ember, Darkness Of Light

You'll be back! If you're not, then I'll come and find you. Now, do as I say and go have some fun. I want those eyes to have light in them next time I see you." He turned me around, smacked my arse and sent me on my way.

Well,” said the frog, “what are you going to do about it?”“Marrying Therandil? I don’t know. I’ve tried talking to my parents, but they won’t listen, and neither will Therandil.”“I didn’t ask what you’d said about it,” the frog snapped. “I asked what you’re going to do. Nine times out of ten, talking is a way of avoiding doing things.

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.

You sound like you're mentally deficient. And possibly Chinese.

Those who have assets must withdraw them from the markets of loans. Do not accept notes of loan on speculation. The time will soon come when you will gain no profits from the market of loans, and your wealth will be taken by the very few.

Lash had been explaining to her that it's impolite to refer to an African American as a nigga, unless one was another African American, when Troy Lee came in and said, "She only speaks Cantonese.""She does not. She keeps coming in and saying 'What's up my nigga?'""Oh yeah. She does that to me, too. Did you give her a pound?""No. I didn't give her a pound, motherfucker. She called me a nigga.""Well, she's not going to quit unless you give her a pound. It's just the way she rolls.""That's some bullshit, Troy.""It's her couch.

She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.”“Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them.

Just leave me alone, I want to be alone,” she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the lock, and wound the window up. Since the roof was down, it was a fairly pointless exercise.

Walking through life, we spend most of our energy choosing the right shoes.

A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.

We were talking about the prince,' Sansa said, her voice soft as a kiss.Arya knew which prince she meant: Joffrey, of course. The tall, handsome one. Sansa got to sit with him at the feast. Arya had to sit with the little fat one. Naturally.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional.

Bryan helped me up.  "How can you be so good one minute then clumsy the next?"I shrugged.  "I've never been very athletic.  Not unless you count fencing.""You made fences?

You should really smile more Miss.” “Smiling Is overrated.” my voice as sharp as a knife, my voice deadpanned, as I sulked at the wall.

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off"- Cruz

I'm familiar with the myth, I'm merely surprised that a femalewould be familiar with the classics.""You must have a very limited experience with my sex," Alexandrasaid, surprised. "My grandfather said most women are every bit asintelligent as men."She saw his eyes take on the sudden gleam of suppressed laughterand assumed, mistakenly, that he was amused by her assessment offemale intelligence rather than her remark about his inexperiencewith women.

The pimple is perfect.

The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience.

I was just thinking that it would be nice if, for once in a while, life made things easier,� I told him, feeling annoyed. “Why does life have to throw impossible tasks at us all the time for crying out loud?� At hearing my debate, Luna huffed.“Because life’s a bitch,� she growled under her breath, sulking. “That’s why.

Don’t think that this conversation is over.” Kat eyed the two of us.“I’ll make sure no hellion harms a hair on her head until we get the full story.” Nikki smiled.“I am never stealing fruit for the two of you ever again.” I begrudgingly replied.“Oh I really doubt that it was stolen.” Nikki beamed. “You’re just as bad as Barakiel.” “I guess he’s been bound to rub off on me some, but I am way prettier.” She spoke as I moved past her towards the door, yanking it open.

I had an uneventful few days," it told her. "The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year's exam will arrive sooner than we think.""No, they won't," Valkyrie said, frowning. "They'll arrive next year, exactly when we expect them.""That's what I told him," the reflection nodded. "I don't think he's comfortable with logic, because he didn't look happy. He sent me to the Career Guidance counsellor, who asked me what I wanted to do after college."Valkyrie stowed her black clothes. "What did you say?""I told her I wanted to be a Career Guidance counsellor. She started crying, then accused me of mocking her. I told her if she wasn't happy in her job then she should look at other options, then pointed out that I was already doing her job better than she was. She gave me detention.

She'd been in labor for nineteen hours; I completely understood why she wanted to pass the buck. 'You are so beautiful,' her husband crooned, holding up her shoulders.'You are so full of shit,' Lila snarled, but as a contraction settled over her like a net, she bore down and pushed.

You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes.

I need another drink!” I said as a second attempt to change the subject. “Shots!” America yelled. Shepley rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah. That’s what you need, another shot.

I was just beginning to relax when the radio crackled to life, and nearly gave me a heart attack."I see something, I see something!" Maddy was screaming and sounded terrified. "I see something moving!"There was a weird, muffled sound, and then Skylar’s voice came on. "Please disregard that emergency broadcast.  Madeline has just seen her first cow.

He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.

One of these days I'm gonna beat him in the face with the butt of my service revolver until an eyeball pops out. These are the thoughts that keep me happy.

Miniature Emilie came along. Lincoln could tell she was watching him, but he tried not to encourage her. He didn't want to betray Beth. They wouldn't let you ride Splash Mountain, he thought.

(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Some people were just getting on with their lives, chatting, being young. It simply wouldn't do.

If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.

All humans are rogues. Cured only by death.

Hackers are nerdy, pasty, tubby, little geeks with triple thick glasses and this is probably a demented otaku with smelly feet. So catching him will be a breeze!

You fellows are amazing,' the sweaty cook roared over the stoves. 'Everything happens to you only. Each time you come here, you have a new adventure story to entertain us

Stick your dick in’?” I asked, my brows probably touching. “Did you actually just say that?” “Make love. I meant make love … of course. I would never just stick my dick in you. I would make mad, passionate love to this sweet, sweet body of yours for days, no, weeks. It would be beautiful, pumpkin. There’d be little angels, and birdies, and you know … all just hanging around, watching. Perverts.

Like alcohol and poverty, a heartbreak has the power to make a man do something he wouldn’t normally do and to make a woman do someone she wouldn’t normally do.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marshawn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV?

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.

Owr brave little shank!

How are you doing, son?""If you don't get started, I'll rip out your heart and have it for breakfast."- Michael to Solo

Are you sure this is a good idea?’ I ask.‘No,’ says Amber. ‘Let’s do it.