Funny Quotations Quotes

I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

Matshona Dhliwayo

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Get high on love, not drugs.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Diamonds are a girl's best friend until love introduces her to her soulmate.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Money can't buy love, except on Valentine’s Day.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

When I was young, I believed God was a woman because I couldn't come up with any other explanation as to why the universe was so tidy.

Matshona Dhliwayo

A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.

Matshona Dhliwayo

If you blame gravity for falling in love, even God has the right to laugh at you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

Matshona Dhliwayo

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

Matshona Dhliwayo

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

Matshona Dhliwayo

An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.

Matshona Dhliwayo

An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The fastest way to end an argument with your wife is to admit she’s right.

Matshona Dhliwayo

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

Amunhotep El Bey

Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

Matshona Dhliwayo

A man who boasts he's the head of the home must never forget the woman is the knife at his throat.

Matshona Dhliwayo

If God had a wife He would be in just as much trouble as any man.

Matshona Dhliwayo

By studying human history, we can realize how much of human stupidity has fallen on fertile ground. Is gravity guilty for such an occurrence too?

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

Matshona Dhliwayo

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

Matshona Dhliwayo

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.

Matshona Dhliwayo