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Women are like elephants. They are interesting to look at but I wouldn’t like to own one.

W.C.Fields
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It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know I never even thanked her.
W.C.Fields
If at first you don't succeed try try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.
W.C.Fields
When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes I'll get another lawyer."
W.C.Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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No man is boss in his own home but he can make up for it by making a dog play dead.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W.C.Fields
I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.
W.C.Fields
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