P.G. Wodehouse Quotes

I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

The butler entered the room a solemn procession of one.

Why don't you get a haircut you look like a chrysanthemum.

He looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

As a rule from what I've observed the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a Captain of Industry again.

And so the merry party began. It was one of those jolly, happy, bread-crumbling parties where you cough twice before you speak, and then decide not to say it after all.

It's brain," I said; "pure brain! What do you do to get like that, Jeeves? I believe you must eat a lot of fish, or something. Do you eat a lot of fish, Jeeves?""No, sir.""Oh, well, then, it's just a gift, I take it; and if you aren't born that way there's no use worrying.