Erma Bombeck Quotes

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say "Yes I've got dreams of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in a while to look in it and yep they're still there. These are great dreams but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line to hold them up and say "How good or how bad am I?" That's where courage comes in.

I am not a glutton-I am an explorer of food.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

My mother phones daily to ask "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no she adds "So if you're not too busy call me while I'm still alive " . . . and hangs up.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.