Quotes by TV Hosts - Page 2

I need a stunt mouth.
Adam Richman
Our society needs criminals like Wolfgang Priklopil in order to give a face to the evil that lives within and to split it off from ... It needs the images of cellar dungeons so as not to have to see the many homes in which violence rears its conformist, bourgeois head. Society uses the victims of sensational cases such as mine in order to divest itself of the responsibility for the many nameless victims of daily crimes, victims nobody helps – even when they ask for help.
Natascha Kampusch
I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.
Stephen Colbert
Dishonoring what we feel is an epidemic that has us self-medicating as a culture and trying to numb ourselves.
Abiola Abrams
Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion.Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.
Stephen Colbert
Failure is always an option
Adam Savage
In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
Stephen Colbert
Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us.
Stephen Colbert
Misperceiving that there is one correct choice is a common mistake. Coming to understand that there are usually a few good choices--and then there's the one you pick, commit to, and make great--is the best way to make flexible, optimal, good decisions in life.
Katie Couric
We live in a world in which women are battered and are unable to flee from the men who beat them, although their door is theoretically standing wide open. One out of every four women becomes a victim of severe violence. One out of every two will be confronted by sexual harassment over her lifetime. These crimes are everywhere and can take place behind any front door in the country, every day, and barely elicit much more than a shrug of the shoulders and superficial dismay.
Natascha Kampusch
It's strange how things seem to come full circle. You know what I mean? I'm sure you do. The way your life seems to drift along with no set path, then something good happens to you and you can trace the line that brought you there back to a specific disappointment or rejection you suffered in the past. It's nice that things can level out that way.
James Corden
That's not a religion, that's Pokemon.
Stephen Colbert
I am still bullied occasionally. However, none of my current bullies really exist. They’re all in my head. Be your own best friend instead of your worst enemy.
Abiola Abrams
My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.
Stephen Colbert
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
Stephen Colbert
So, a word to all you Femin-Idi-Amins: Stop “liberating” moms by trying tomake them join the workforce. They’re already doing the job that God putthem here to do: Everything.
Stephen Colbert
Each man had come to know the other's caricature as a lie.
Chris Matthews
Anecdotes came with his DNA.
Chris Matthews
In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.
Stephen Colbert
people do not emphasize with victims and give them limitless sympathy, but can very quickly switch to aggression and rejection
Natascha Kampusch
The next time you get scared, get sacred!
Abiola Abrams
Maybe he’ll be different from who he was and always is.
Stephen Colbert
So, if I'm no cheerleader of sports, why write a chapter about it? Sports do have some positive impact on society. They solve problems, such as how to get inner-city kids to spend $175 on shoes. They serve as a backdrop for some of our most memorable commercials. And they remain the one and only relevant application of math. Not only that, but we have sports to thank for most of the last century's advances in manliness. The system starts in school, where gym class separates the men from the boys. Then those men are taught to be winners, or at least, losers that hate themselves.
Stephen Colbert
That was the lure of wealth, he'd discovered: a throaty whisper in your ear that you were special, that it was all - this wine, this woman, this world - for you. That it in some way existed only so that you might partake of it.
Marcus Sakey
After Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word coun
Stephen Colbert
Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don't drag down my country's statistics just because you ran off and got hitched before you ever saw each other in a bad mood.
Stephen Colbert
He was making the inevitable pivot from critic to manager.
Chris Matthews
The author, at the time a Carter speechwriter in the 1980 campaign, showed visible distress at his boss's performance and was warned by a friend in the traveling press, lest he become the story.
Chris Matthews
The Crusaders lead to the Knights Templar; the Knights Templar lead to the Masons; and the Masons lead to the Shriners, a secret society that controls world government, toys with our banking system, and single-handedly keeps the fez industry afloat.
Stephen Colbert
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen Colbert
I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
Stephen Colbert
God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.
Stephen Colbert
There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.
Stephen Colbert
No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s ALWAYS had EVERYTHING work out for them with ZERO struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist.
Chris Hardwick
Librarians hoard the wisdom of humanity. They are the keepers of all knowledge, the guardians at the temples of understanding and devoted protectors of the sanctuary in the midst of uneducated anarchy.
Stephen Colbert
The author defines professionalism as exemplified by his subjects in their mutual unwillingness to take expected opposition personally. They would not allow grudges to get in the way of more important business.
Chris Matthews
A woman in love with herself is magnetic.
Abiola Abrams
Historically, the coupling of president and Speaker has been a tricky one that encourages a choreography both quick-footed and wary
Chris Matthews
Staffers tend to mimic their bosses, to take their key from them.
Chris Matthews
America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.
Stephen Colbert
Can't wait for tomorrow when I get to exercise my patriotic duty as an American: Complaining about how long it's taking to VOTE.
Stephen Colbert
Having eyes, but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having minds, but not perceiving truth; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster.
Tetsuko Kuroyanagi
He'd made a name for himself out there in the world beyond not just in spite of the distinctly unfashionable persona he presented, but, perhaps, BECAUSE of it.
Chris Matthews
It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.
Stephen Colbert
NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ
Stephen Colbert
In politics, nothing good ever comes from the unexpected.
Chris Matthews
Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
Stephen Colbert
Why do women say "I'm sorry" so much? One of my favorite self-love sermons is this: Resist saying 'I'm sorry' so often. You are not "sorry." You are magnificent beyond measure, perfect in your imperfections, and wonderfully made.
Abiola Abrams
Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
Stephen Colbert
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Stephen Colbert
They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.
Stephen Colbert
... had to pee like a racehorse at an Iced Tea convention.
Stephen Colbert
Religion forces every individual to take responsibility. Specifically, take it away from yourself and give it to God. If we had to be accountable for every one of our actions, we'd be crippled with indecision. But with religion pointing the way, we can feel confident in our choice to picket our children's elementary school when we find out the art teacher is gay.
Stephen Colbert
In politics there is a large difference between loosing and being defeated.
Chris Matthews
I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen Colbert