Quotes by Satirists - Page 9

Commendation n: the tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble but do not equal our own.
Ambrose Bierce
Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When men grow virtuous in their old age they only make a sacrifice to God of the devil's leavings.
Jonathan Swift
Proper words in proper places make the true definition of a style.
Jonathan Swift
Ownership breeds slavery: with every single thing that you acquire, comes a new worry of not losing that thing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most self-employed people remain slaves to the employed’s working hours.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Hanging around people you’re smarter than is good for your ego. Hanging around people who are smarter than you is good for your intellect.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The difference between a retiring man and a used condom is that the condom isn’t given a golden watch to inspire the illusion that it still matters to whomever that has just used it.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
With most people doubt about one thing is simply blind belief in another.
G. C. Lichtenberg
The public do not know enough to be experts yet know enough to decide between them.
Samuel Butler
Perseverance n.: A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
Ambrose Bierce
A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Used a replica gun to steal a replica sportscar and experienced a replica of remorse
Steve Aylett
Every one should keep a mental wastepaper basket and the older he grows the more things he will consign to it-torn up to irrecoverable tatters.
Samuel Butler
Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other’s vices.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You know you made it, when your friends tell their friends that you are their friend.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If a man makes me keep my distance, the comfort is, he keeps his at the same time.
Jonathan Swift
The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment.
Malcolm Muggeridge
We are, or rather our natural desire to evade pain and to attain pleasure is, the primary reason we do or say every single thing we do or say.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Our thoughts, feelings and whereabouts: Food we dish up on plates called photographs and status updates; to feed Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.; beasts with insatiable appetites.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are generally treated based on how much or little we have, earn, or know—or seem to have, earn, or know.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sunglasses are more useful to a blind man than freedom of speech is to a man who does not think for himself.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Man would rather be loved for what he has, than be hated for what he lacks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If I am right, Thy grace impartStill in the right to stay;If I am wrong, O, teach my heartTo find that better way!
Alexander Pope
There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people have contracted HIV during their separate endeavours to give someone or some people a curable STD.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
What runs through a person like water through a sieve.
Samuel Butler
The lower classes of men though they do not think it worthwhile to record what they perceive nevertheless perceive everything that is worth noting the difference between them and a man of learning often consists in nothing more than the latter's facility for expression.
G. C. Lichtenberg
When he had ended, the holy hermit was a moment silent, then said: "My son, I have attended to thy story and I know the maiden. I have myself seen her, as have many. Know, then, that she is capricious for she imposeth conditions that man cannot fulfill, and delinquency is punished by desertion. She cometh only when unsought, and will not be questioned. One manifestation of curiosity, one sign of doubt, one expression of misgiving, and she is away!
Ambrose Bierce
Eating a salad (in public) is an overweight person’s attempt to appear in control.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope
The boring thing about being interesting is that you bore boring people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Expensive clothing is a poor man’s attempt to appear prosperous.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A tapping foot isn’t the best a listener can get from a song: A good song makes a listener dance. A great song makes him think.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Rich men use most of their money to get richer. Poor men use most of their money to look richer.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
Samuel Butler
We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.
Alexander Pope
Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one’s Tuesday.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not every happy person is married, and, Not every married person is happy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Once employed, the employed's friends are reduced to creatures that he only sees when he has a new problem, or, something new to show off.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Eyes are a deaf man’s ears. Ears are a blind man’s eyes.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An agnostic is a creature that is religiously skeptical whenever it is told that God exists … or that He doesn’t.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is almost impossible to carry the torch of truth through a crowd without singeing somebody's beard.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
To err is human to forgive divine.
Alexander Pope
Generally, people need less than a quarter of what they want.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.
Jonathan Swift
My father...was a man who understood all dogs thoroughly and treated them like human beings.
Flann O'Brien
Virginity comes standard. A good head is earned.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You know you’ve reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive for many years has become a boy again.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The story is told of yourself.
Horace
He has half the deed done who has made a beginning.
Horace
Only serfs or ex-serfs find it necessary to draw up a statement of their 'rights'.
Flann O'Brien
Past humanity is not only implicit in each new man born but is contained in him. Humanity is an ever-widening spiral and life is the beam that plays briefly on each succeeding ring. All humanity from its beginning to its end is already present but the beam has not yet played beyond you.
Flann O'Brien
A moral judgment of abortion is the usage of a man-made ideology to judge a man-made technology.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
Jonathan Swift
St. Teresa of Avila described our life in this world as like a night in a second-class hotel.
Malcolm Muggeridge
Saepa stilum vertas, iterum quae digna legi sint scripturas. (Turn the stylus [to erase] often if you would write something worthy of being reread.)
Horace