Quotes by Satirists - Page 8

Blessed be he who expects nothing for he shall never be disappointed.
Alexander Pope
Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.
Samuel Butler
The world is on fire, young man. As writers, it is only proper that we do what we can to warn people.But in telling the truth to the world, don't lie to yourself. Write whatever you want. Tell the truth. Just don't imagine that you are changing anything.Like I said, people just want to have a good time. -Snagglepuss
Mark Russell
It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire to be a good business person, that is to say, to make as much money as they possibly can by maximizing their revenue while minimizing the cost of producing whatever it is that they sell.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
Ambrose Bierce
Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who talk too much are tiresome, especially those who are not informative, thought-provoking, or funny.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In some cases, people with a body (whose size) they did not long for are victims of having a bank balance (whose size) they longed for.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The second orgasm has a biblical connotation.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is a sign of arrogance to be mad at someone for not acting as per your advice, especially if it was unsolicited.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Death, only death, can break the lasting chain;And here, ev'n then, shall my cold dust remain
Alexander Pope
He who frowns when they say that he sucks shouldn’t smile when they say that he rocks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Money cannot buy you love. But it sure can buy you things that some people will love you for having.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Coffee makes us severe, and grave and philosophical.
Jonathan Swift
When it comes to things such as sugar and rice, most people believe that brown is superior to white. But when it comes to human beings, they believe that the opposite is true.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Clothes are a homeless man’s home.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
AIDS would have claimed fewer lives if we had publicly recommended what I wish to call ‘The Presumption of Sickness,’ i.e., the principle that whomever we are about to sleep with is HIV-positive until proven HIV-negative.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Peace: in international affairs a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Ambrose Bierce
acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce
For breakfast to be called ‘in bed’ instead of ‘on top of a bed,’ the house in which it is about to be eaten has to have at least two rooms (excluding the kitchen); (at least) three, if it has a bathroom.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life’s most rewarding forms of being: Being patient, and, being yourself.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
May you live every day of your life.
Jonathan Swift
Life humbles the rich by giving them problems that money can’t resolve, or, dissolve. Life enslaves the poor by giving them problems that money can resolve, or, dissolve.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
88% of women love making their first love making incident with a man seem like an accident.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In Rome you long for the country. In the country you praise to the skies the distant town.
Horace
AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
Ambrose Bierce
Besides what endless brawls by wives are bred,The curtain lecture makes a mournful bed.
Juvenal
In the presence of death reason and philosophy are silent
Ambrose Bierce
For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Alexander Pope
Even Mahatma Gandhi - hardly a comfortable character - always wore a bowler hat with his loin cloth when practising as a barrister in London.
William Donaldson
Sustainability is best illustrated by those who sell food … just so they afford something to eat.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Dignity high station or great riches are in some sort necessary to old men in order to keep the younger at a distance who are otherwise too apt to insult them upon the score of their age.
Jonathan Swift
Know thy own point: this kind, this due degreeOf blindness, weakness, Heav'n bestows on thee.
Alexander Pope
Intellect is the virtue of ignoring one’s emotions’ attempt to contaminate one’s opinions.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Heav'n from all creatures hides the book of Fate, All but the page prescrib'd, their present state; From brutes what men, from men what spirits know: Or who could suffer Being here below? The lamb thy riot dooms to bleed to-day, Had he thy Reason, would he skip and play? Pleas'd to the last, he crops the flow'ry food, And licks the hand just rais'd to shed his blood. Oh blindness to the future! kindly giv'n, That each may fill the circle mark'd by Heav'n; Who sees with equal eye, as God of all, A hero perish, or a sparrow fall.
Alexander Pope
Morals are nothing but a civilized society’s attempt to tame some beast called man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not unfollow someone, merely because they stopped following you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people do not want much. All they want is to be envied by most people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
This (San Francisco) is the most beautiful city in America, Probably because it looks nothing like America
Ilya Ilf
The fear of failure is a liability.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We think our fathers fools so wise we grow Our wiser sons no doubt will think us so.
Alexander Pope
Never undertake anything for which you wouldn't have the courage to ask the blessings of heaven.
G. C. Lichtenberg
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Ambrose Bierce
Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it.
Ambrose Bierce
I like the immaterial world. I like to live among thoughts and images of the past and the possible, and even of the impossible, now and then.
Thomas Love Peacock
I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky.In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics:Plagiarize!Plagiarize!Let no one else's work evade your eyes!Remember why the good Lord made your eyes!So don't shade your eyes,But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize -Only be sure always to call it please 'resea
Tom Lehrer
Painting n: the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
Ambrose Bierce
Some women are good-looking … until they change their hairstyle.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Needing attention is a p-p-powerful force in the world, isn't it?""Absolutely. Most people would think of it as a very natural need. Almost a right.""By 'natural' you mean 'm-m-morally neutral'?""Touché.""Without God, people find it very hard to know who they are or why they exist. But if others pay attention to them, praise them, write about them, discuss them, they think they've found the answers to both questions.""If they don't believe in God, you can't blame them.""True, dear. But it still makes for an empty, unhappy person."..."Are you saying, Father Joe, that in the matter of motives, or even morally, there's not ultimately much difference between me and my targets?""I'm afraid not, dear. If the result is that you only have a personality other people shape. If you really exist only in other people's minds.""I think you've just described celebrity.""I've just described pride, dear.
Tony Hendra
Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana