Quotes by Satirists - Page 5

Whenever I encounter writer’s block, I stop writing … with my hands; and I then start writing with my legs.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The reason that man is seldom satisfied with his salary is that when it increases, he increases his expenses.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The echo of a platitude.
Ambrose Bierce
From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails
Steve Aylett
If you must give me a label, then label me a human being. I have no pride in being a human, though, because I have nothing to do with my becoming one.But, whereas animals don't have a rational code of ethics, I like to think I do. Which is where I am partisan. Moral partisanship is the reason for my "anger." And if I don't protest what needed to be protested, I might just as well be an animal.
Paul Krassner
Chances are that there are white people who brag about being the first to move out of a suburb that has been intruded by blacks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Happy the man, and happy he alone,he who can call today his own:he who, secure within, can say,Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.Be fair or foul, or rain or shinethe joys I have possessed, in spite of fate, are mine.Not Heaven itself, upon the past has power,but what has been, has been, and I have had my hour.
Horace
When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself.
Samuel Butler
There is one thing certain namely that we can have nothing certain therefore it is not certain that we can have nothing certain.
Samuel Butler
If heaven really exists: then, technically, living is an activity that believers keep themselves busy with — while they wait for their death.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour.
Ambrose Bierce
The learned is happy nature to explore the fool is happy that he knows no more.
Alexander Pope
Twitter gives people an illusionary sense of leadership.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Characters should be interchangeable as between one book and another. The entire corpus of existing literature should be regarded as a limbo from which discerning authors could draw their characters as required, creating only when they failed to find a suitable existing puppet. The modern novel should be largely a work of reference. Most authors spend their time saying what has been said before – usually said much better. A wealth of references to existing works would acquaint the reader instantaneously with the nature of each character, would obviate tiresome explanations and would effectively preclude mountebanks, upstarts, thimble-riggers and persons of inferior education from an understanding of contemporary literature.
Flann O'Brien
Live mindful of how brief your life is.
Horace
We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.
Jonathan Swift
Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.
Alexander Pope
Honesty is admired, and starves.
Juvenal
Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An excuse is a lie guarded.
Jonathan Swift
Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.
Alexander Pope
A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
My language is the common prostitute that I turn into a virgin.
Karl Kraus
In a materialistic society, man is likely to value the opinion of a rich man over that of a poor one; even when coming to opinions that have absolutely nothing to do with moneymaking.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Millions of deaths would not have happened if it weren’t for the consumption of alcohol. The same can be said about millions of births.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When the going gets tough: the poor close their eyes, the rich open their wallets.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Worry is to human beings … what a condom is to a man with erectile dysfunction.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
[P]oetry resembles metaphysics: one does not mind one's own, but one does not like anyone else's.
Samuel Butler
It is only if the primary or only reason you do what you do is to make money that you will envy every random person who made or makes a lot of money (or money that exceeds what you made or make).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some judge of authors' names, not works, and then nor praise nor blame the writings, but the men.
Alexander Pope
One of the reasons God did not make a lover for Himself when He made one for Adam is because He knew that fewer people would take Him seriously once He had an ex.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A mere wilderness, as you see, even now in December; but in summer a complete nursery of briers, a forest of thistles, a plantation of nettles, without any live stock but goats, that have eaten up all the bark of the trees. Here you see is the pedestal of a statue, with only half a leg and four toes remaining: there were many here once. When I was a boy, I used to sit every day on the shoulders of Hercules: what became of him I have never been able to ascertain. Neptune has been lying these seven years in the dust-hole; Atlas had his head knocked off to fit him for propping a shed; and only the day before yesterday we fished Bacchus out of the horse-pond.
Thomas Love Peacock
The boring thing with taking a walk with someone is that your thoughts are then dictated by the subject or subjects of your conversation and that is made worse by the fact that most sane people are terrified of silence whenever they are with or near someone.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who wear G-strings suffer from indecision.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The lieutenant’s fooling around again with the telegraph girl at the station,” said the corporal, after he had gone. “He’s been running after her for a fortnight and he’s always frightfully furious when he comes from the telegraph office and he says about her: “She’s a whore. She won’t sleep with me!
Jaroslav Hašek
I think it is true to say only an inferior person has rights. When you hear a person talking about his rights, you may be sure he is trying to gain by dint of shouting something which he lacks ( or had and lost) by reason of some culpable deficiency in himself.
Flann O'Brien
Light's all very well, brothers, but it's not easy to live with.
Mikhail Zoshchenko
Theist and atheist: The fight between them is as to whether God shall be called God or shall have some other name.
Samuel Butler
Natales grate numeras?(Do you count your birthdays with gratitude?)
Horace
To some women, a job plays the role of a man. To most women, a man plays the role of a job.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Infidel n: in New York one who does not believe in the Christian religion in Constantinople one who does.
Ambrose Bierce
Begin, be bold, and venture to be wise.
Horace
The only way to know God, the only way to know the other, is to listen. Listening is reaching out into that unknown other self, surmounting your walls and theirs; listening is the beginning of understanding, the first exercise of
Tony Hendra
Mr. Right' is usually two or eight men.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Happiness is a temporary recurring human experience.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A statesman who is enamored of existing evils as distin-quished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Ambrose Bierce
Bigheadedness is usually a symptom of small-mindedness.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If there were something that Mother Nature or God could do with money, She or He would have sold immortality to the rich a long time ago.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Kurzes Glück kann jeder.
Kurt Tucholsky
Philosophy, that leaned on Heaven before,Shrinks to her second cause, and is no more.
Alexander Pope
Mention but the word "divinity," and our sense of the divine is clouded.
Samuel Butler
One truth is clear Whatever is is right.
Alexander Pope
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Man is more likely to believe an opinion that he wanted to hear … than a fact that he wishes was an opinion.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana