Quotes by Satirists - Page 4

You don’t really need to be intelligent to be a 'top student.' All that you have to do is to forget the least in an exam.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A man who takes into consideration the feelings of others even when arranging the manner of his own death shows a nobility of character which compels the admiration of all classes.
Flann O'Brien
Judge not the value of a friend by the number of boy- or girlfriends they helped you get. But by the number of books they’ve recommended to you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not all truths hurt. And not all that is hurtful is truthful.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee’s smoke break.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
This is only a record of broken and apparently unrelated memories, some of them as distinct and sequent as brilliant beads upon a thread, others remote and strange, having the character of crimson dreams with interspaces blank and black -- witch-fires glowing still and red in a great desolation.
Ambrose Bierce
He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The real reason the number of things that are shared via social media every single minute is so astronomical is because, whenever they each do, most users do not share or say something because they believe they have something worth remembering; they do mainly or only because they fear being forgotten.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When I am reading a book whether wise or silly it seems to me to be alive and talking to me.
Jonathan Swift
I will only start taking book reviews seriously from the day that books are able to review readers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are so boring that you are more bored when you are with them … than when you are alone.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Though you can love what you do not master, you cannot master what you do not love.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Usually speaking the worst-bred person in company is a young traveller just returned from abroad.
Jonathan Swift
To a fireman, wind is a curse. To a sailor, wind is a blessing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Irreverence is our only sacred cow.
Paul Krassner
A rumor is usually a lie that the media can legally profit from.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Self-employment killed the weekend.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Everyone is a genius at least once a year a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
G. C. Lichtenberg
You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We may see the small Value God has for Riches, by the People he gives the
Alexander Pope
They look upon fraud as a greater crime than theft, and therefore seldom fail to punish it with death; for they allege, that care and vigilance, with a very common understanding, may preserve a man's goods from thieves, but honesty has no defence against superior cunning; and, since it is necessary that there should be a perpetual intercourse of buying and selling, and dealing upon credit, where fraud is permitted and connived at, or has no law to punish it, the honest dealer is always undone, and the knave gets the advantage.
Jonathan Swift
We owe some of our successes to people who did not want to help us more than we do to those who have helped us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage he won't encounter many rivals.
G. C. Lichtenberg
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,The proper study of mankind is Man.Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,A being darkly wise and rudely great:With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,He hangs between, in doubt to act or rest;In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast;In doubt his mind or body to prefer;Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err;Alike in ignorance, his reason such,Whether he thinks too little or too much;Chaos of thought and passion, all confused;Still by himself abused or disabused;Created half to rise, and half to fall;Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurl'd;The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!Go, wondrous creature! mount where science guides,Go, measure earth, weigh air, and state the tides;Instruct the planets in what orbs to run,Correct old time, and regulate the sun;Go, soar with Plato to th’ empyreal sphere,To the first good, first perfect, and first fair;Or tread the mazy round his followers trod,And quitting sense call imitating God;As Eastern priests in giddy circles run,And turn their heads to imitate the sun.Go, teach Eternal Wisdom how to rule—Then drop into thyself, and be a fool!
Alexander Pope
When rich, being poor seems *adventurous.*
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The most unfair thing about sex is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sexual starvation forces a heterosexual man to see beauty in every single female who he can sleep with without his society’s disapproval.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He likewise directed, “that every senator in the great council of a nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the defence of it, should be obliged to give his vote directly contrary; because if that were done, the result would infallibly terminate in the good of the public.
Jonathan Swift
An employer’s fart is music to his employees’ ears.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A perfect judge will read each word of wit with the same spirit that its author writ.
Alexander Pope
A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are all 'foreigners' to [the remainder of: the human race minus our countrymen].
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Avarice is patriotic!
William Donaldson
In times of stress be bold and valiant.
Horace
The only thing I hate about good people is that they like making their being good people bad people’s problem.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Memories rob us of the present.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people do not mind dying, as long as that does not happen today.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are still alive only because they find being dead more boring than being alive.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A healthy man watched what he ate. An intelligent man watched what he watched.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork.
Jonathan Swift
Books are like imprisoned souls till someone takes them down from a shelf and frees them.
Samuel Butler
When they have discovered truth in nature they fling it into a book, where it is even worse hands.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
When coming to sex: First served, first come.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Culture, religion, and education, are conspiracies to standardize worldviews.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I tend to avoid people who always have something to say … and those who expect me to always have something to say.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
False humility is better than no humility at all.
Paul Krassner
Not everyone who has helped or is helping you wanted or wants to help you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being called ‘love’ or ‘my love’ by someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are loved or even liked by them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People in general are equally horrified at hearing the Christian religion doubted and at seeing it practised.
Samuel Butler
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Ambrose Bierce
Brutes find out where their talents lie a bear will not attempt to fly.
Jonathan Swift
The tiny Lilliputians surmise that Gulliver's watch may be his god, because it is that which, he admits, he seldom does anything without consulting.
Jonathan Swift
There’s no such thing as a good or bad person: there are just people who have each been or seem to have been good or bad to you, someone, or some people, thus far.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Neither have they hearts to stay Nor wit enough to run away.
Samuel Butler
Sometimes I notice I'm demented, especially at sunset.
Jaroslav Hašek
(On his addiction to opiods): I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
Lenny Bruce
Nothing matters when you are dead, and, you are dead when nothing matters.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
No single bad person regards themselves as a bad person.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
All animals except man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.
Samuel Butler