Quotes by Satirists - Page 25

One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Dating is a man-made ideology: if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, one would either be in a relationship, or, six feet under.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In a patriarchal society, one of the most important functions of the institution of the family is to make feel like a somebody whenever he is in his own yard a man who is a nobody whenever he is in his employer’s yard.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Remembrance and reflection how allied!What thin partitions Sense from Thought divide!
Alexander Pope
A broke man’s lover doesn’t feel ‘loved’ on her Birthday, Christmas, and, on Valentine’s Day.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is courage courage courage that raises the blood of life to crimson splendor. Live bravely and present a brave front to adversity!
Horace
In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I know Sir John will go though he was sure it would rain cats and dogs.
Jonathan Swift
When the world has once begun to use us ill and afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony as men do to a whore.
Jonathan Swift
The continuation of man’s life is more attributable to his fear of death than it is to his desire to live. As a matter of fact, in countless cases, it is attributable to only the former.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life entertains humble men by giving men with below average looks (intellect, knowledge, etc.) an above average self-esteem.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sometimes it is the reader that sucks, not the book.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
Lenny Bruce
If we were rational enough to judge what we are fed based on what we are fed, those in the business of selling us hope (i.e., public speakers, presidents, priests, etc.) wouldn't wear suits.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are so used to working that not working is the new hard work.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Civilization is the commercialization of survival.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people talk about other people’s failures with so much pleasure that you would swear they are talking about their own successes.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore.
Jonathan Swift
They say fingers were made before forks and hands before knives.
Jonathan Swift
No man ever became very wicked all at once.
Juvenal
...we spend more time gazing at luminous screens than into the eyes of our loved ones.
Charlie Brooker
Just as we outgrow a pair of trousers we outgrow acquaintances libraries principles etc. at times before they're worn out and times-and this is the worst of all-before we have new ones.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
There is no study that is not capable of delighting us, after a little application to it.
Alexander Pope
How much man likes or hates a person or a thing is dependent on how much he knows or does not know about the person or the thing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Raven: The Honourable Mr Listless is gone. He declared that, what with family quarrels in the morning, and ghosts at night, he could get neither sleep nor peace; and that the agitation was too much for his nerves: though Mr Glowry assured him that the ghost was only poor Crow walking in his sleep, and that the shroud and bloody turban were a sheet and a red nightcap.
Thomas Love Peacock
Oh let me live my own! and die so too! ("To live and die is all I have to do:") Maintain a poet's dignity and ease, And see what friends, and read what books I please.
Alexander Pope
To fail, try to please your critics. To please your critics, try to fail.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.
Jonathan Swift
There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy.
Jonathan Swift
True Wit is Nature to advantage dress'dWhat oft was thought, but ne'er so well express'd;Something whose truth convinced at sight we find,That gives us back the image of our mind.As shades more sweetly recommend the light,So modest plainness sets off sprightly wit.
Alexander Pope
If life really begins at forty, then all poor people die in their teens.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Enjoy the present day trusting very little to the morrow.
Horace
We all have problems. Or rather, everyone has at least one thing that they regard as a problem.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Well begun is half done.
Horace
An afro is a poor man’s haircut.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Schooling is a manufacturing process whereby the raw material called curious boys is turned into products called obedient men.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
Jonathan Swift
A little learning is a dangerous thing Drink deep or taste not the Pierian spring Their shallow draughts intoxicate the brain And drinking largely sobers us again.
Alexander Pope
Men, some to business take, some to pleasure take; but every woman is at heart a rake
Alexander Pope
There is nothing wrong with being wrong.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A son is an unfulfilled man’s last attempt to fulfill his unfulfilled dreams.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some like to understand what they believe in. Others like to believe in what they understand
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To hear how much of a great human being you were — even if you really weren’t — open your ears at your funeral.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Ambrose Bierce
But by what I have gathered from your own relation, and the answers I have with much pains wrung and extorted from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most pernicious race of odious vermin that nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth.
Jonathan Swift
True wit is nature to advantage dress'd What oft was thought but ne'er so well expressed.
Alexander Pope
Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it, so that when men come to be undeceived, it is too late; the jest is over, and the tale hath had its effect: like a man, who hath thought of a good repartee when the discourse is changed, or the company parted; or like a physician, who hath found out an infallible medicine, after the patient is dead.
Jonathan Swift
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Ambrose Bierce
*Nothing is free* asserts two things. Both assertions are true.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To a blind man, pawn shop and porn shop are one. To an unintelligent man, oversleeping and sleeping over are opposites.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.
Ambrose Bierce
Retro is a symptom of a generation that is too lazy to innovate.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being a 'good' parent is more about the parent, and, less about the 'supposedly-could-have-been-bad' child.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
For the duration of his erection: To a horny man, all women are the most beautiful woman in the world.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Once born, how long a man will live matters. Once dead, how long he has lived doesn’t.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
She looks as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.
Jonathan Swift
People who regularly abuse power don't like being laughed at'.
Pieter-Dirk Uys
Meeting, for the first time in person, someone that you’ve ‘known’ for sometime online = Taking the relationship to the ‘previous’ level.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you have told anyone you have left him a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once.
Samuel Butler