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Quotes by Satirists - Page 24

The Offices rerooted me in a tradition where, monk or not, I would always be at home. From long ago I knew the power of their repetition, the incantatory force of the Psalms. But they had an added power now. As a kid, the psalmist (or psalmists) had seemed remote to me, the Psalms long prayers which sometimes rose to great poetry but often had simply to be endured. For a middle-aged man, the psalmists' moods and feelings came alive. One of the voices sounded a lot like a modern New Yorker, me or people I knew: a manic-depressive type A personality sometimes up, more often down, sometimes resigned, more often pissed off, railing about his sneaky enemies and feckless friends, always bitching to the Lord about the rotten hand he'd been dealt. That good old changelessness.
Tony Hendra
What some invent the rest enlarge.
Jonathan Swift
Every single good person is a good person for their own sake, not for the sake of humanity, not even for the sake of another human being.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
Jonathan Swift
Today, the world rewards those with creative and intellectual muscles. So, women and skinny men need to shut up and start thinking.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A true survivor is someone who, after 12+ years of being schooled, remains independent in their thinking.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Millions of sane people would each be sexually attracted to their own parent or child if they were not related to them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some artists benefit less from being interviewed than they do from being left alone.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nature and Nature's laws lay hid in night: God said "Let Newton be!" and all was light.
Alexander Pope
A love triangle is a threesome delayed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The sacred exists only at the expense of the truth.
Mark Russell
If working-hours were natural, then employed men would only get erections between 5 p.m. and 9 a.m. … during the week.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Happy the man, whose wish and careA few paternal acres bound,Content to breathe his native airIn his own ground.
Alexander Pope
Trust not yourself; but your defects to know,Make use of ev'ry friend—and ev'ry foe.
Alexander Pope
12% of employees study further to learn more. 88% of employees study further to earn more.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
With homework, school prepares students for overtime. With reports, it prepares them for payday.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He had some taste for romance reading before he went to the university, where, we must confess, in justice to his college, he was cured of the love of reading in all its shapes; and the cure would have been radical, if disappointment in love, and total solitude, had not conspired to bring on a relapse.
Thomas Love Peacock
Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is as difficult for most poor people to truly believe that they could someday escape poverty as it is for most wealthy people to truly believe that their wealth could someday escape them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If we thought more for ourselves we would have very many more bad books and very many more good ones.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
If you can't say "Fuck" you can't say, "Fuck the government.
Lenny Bruce
Dismiss the old horse in good time lest he fail in the lists and the spectators laugh.
Horace
A celebrity is an object that the media manufactures today, just so they have a subject tomorrow.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unlike wealth, fame makes it easier for some men and more difficult for some to sleep around.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Dating a wo/man with a child is adoption … without the paperwork.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Ambrose Bierce
The average adult has had sex innumerable times more than they have formed an opinion of their own.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are each holding on to a lover of theirs who no longer loves them and/or who they no longer love, only because they do not want to have a reason or another reason to be jealous of the person who would eventually be their lover if they let go of them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The more you know, the less you talk. The less you talk, the more you know.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.
Karl Kraus
Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Apologize v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.
Ambrose Bierce
An educated woman is seen as a human being with a vagina. An uneducated woman is seen as a vagina with a human being.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not every person that speaks less than you do is more ignorant than you are.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The only reason that some people aren’t ashamed of their parents and/or siblings is because they know that we know that they did not choose them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Alcohol is evil … until your loved one gets employed by a brewery.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Must be frustrating being a scientist. There you are, incrementally discovering how the universe works via a series of complex tests and experiments, for the benefit of all mankind - and what thanks do you get? People call you "egghead" or "boffin" or "heretic", and they cave your face in with a rock and bury you out in the wilderness. Not literally - not in this day and age - but you get the idea. Scientists are mistrusted by huge swathes of the general public, who see them as emotionless lab-coated meddlers-with-nature rather than, say, fellow human beings who've actually bothered getting off their arses to work this shit out.
Charlie Brooker
Weekends are life’s gift to those who hate their jobs.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
What dire offence from am'rous causes springs. What mighty contests rise from trivial things.
Alexander Pope
He thought he was walking along a dusty road that showed white in the gathering darkness of a summer night. Whence and whither it led, and why he traveled it, he did not know, though all seemed simple and natural, as is the way in dreams; for in the Land Beyond the Bed surprises cease from troubling and the judgment is at rest.
Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer's dream of heaven - every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.
Samuel Butler
You cannot sensibly expect a starving 'God-fearing' man to honor the 8th commandment.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most women would each be left with fewer dreams or without a dream, if the institution of marriage were to be abolished.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The garden is an unemployed township-based man's cubicle.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Weekends are an employee’s parole.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There, conspicuous in the light of the conflagration, lay the dead body of a woman—the white face turned upward, the hands thrown out and clutched full of grass, the clothing deranged, the long dark hair in tangles and full of clotted blood. The greater part of the forehead was torn away, and from the jagged hole the brain protruded, overflowing the temple, a frothy mass of gray, crowned with clusters of crimson bubbles—the work of a shell.The child moved his little hands, making wild, uncertain gestures. He uttered a series of inarticulate and indescribable cries—something between the chattering of an ape and the gobbling of a turkey—a startling, soulless, unholy sound, the language of a devil. The child was a deaf mute.Then he stood motionless, with quivering lips, looking down upon the wreck.
Ambrose Bierce
Most sane human beings’ chances of being alive in a thousand years’ time are a hundred times higher than their chances of being sincerely happy for at least ten consecutive days.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I keep my books at the British Museum and at Mudies.
Samuel Butler
Well-known, alas, is the case of the poor German who was very fond of three and who made each aspect of his life a thing of triads. He went home one evening and drank three cups of tea with three lumps of sugar in each cup, cut his jugular with a razor three times and scrawled with a dying hand on a picture of his wife good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.
Flann O'Brien
All wish to be learned but no one is willing to pay the price.
Juvenal
He possesses dominion over himself and is happy who can every day say "I have lived." Tomorrow the heavenly Father may either involve the world in dark clouds or cheer it with clear sunshine he will not however render ineffectual the things which have already taken place.
Horace
Religion is a non-alcoholic man's alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man's religion.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If life must not be taken too seriously - then so neither must death.
Samuel Butler
Plagiarism is the fear of a blank page.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who acquired all his wealth by *being at the right place at the right time* is hypocritical by being angry for losing all his wealth because of his *being at the wrong place at the wrong time.*
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If God really valued loyalty, He would have blessed every single believer before He even considered blessing a single nonbeliever.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Don't trust the heart, it wants your blood.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
As we all know, as if forever exploiting or attempting to exploit each other were not enough, a group of sane human beings who have just reached the end of a war against a common enemy of theirs will sooner or later start or continue killing and/or fighting against each other.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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