Quotes by Satirists - Page 23

King- Hamilton, Judge Alan ( b 1900 )'...I think he erred on the side of severity when he gave Janie Jones, the notorious madame, seven years after the jury had acquitted her'. 'Well, these things are relative of course. It all depends on what you've been acquitted of. Miss Jones was innocent of a very serious offence.
William Donaldson
What I do not like about our definitions of genius is that there is in them nothing of the day of judgment, nothing of resounding through eternity and nothing of the footsteps of the Almighty.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
They dream in courtship but in wedlock wake.
Alexander Pope
A phone call should be a convenience to the caller, not an inconvenience to the called.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We envy people who are extremely old because we wish to live that long, not because we want to be that old.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up
Lenny Bruce
Reality is what people who lack vision see.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Friends are family members we have a choice over.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A sound mind in a sound body is a thing to be prayed for.
Juvenal
A Spaniard and a Pole worked in the barbershop where we got our hair cut. An Italian shined our shoes. A Croat washed our car. This was America.
Ilya Ilf
All progress is based upon the universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
Samuel Butler
True wit is Nature to advantage dress'd What oft was thought but ne'er so well express'd.
Alexander Pope
We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If love wasn't conditional, everybody would be in love with everybody.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Love songs are nothing without exaggeration.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
So, if you don't summon a book and a light before dawn,If you don't set your mind on honest aims and pursuits,On waking, you'll be tortured by envy or lust.Why so quick to remove a speck from your eye, whenIf it's your mind, you put off the cure till next year?Who's started has half finished: dare to be wise: begin!
Horace
Public opinion is to an unconventional idea … what abortion is to sperm.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sickness is a sort of early old age it teaches us a diffidence in our earthly state.
Alexander Pope
A poor but confident man is as hard to find as a rich but shy man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An honest man's the noblest work of God.
Alexander Pope
Life is like music, it must be composed by ear, feeling and instinct, not by rule. Nevertheless one had better know the rules, for they sometimes guide in doubtful cases, though not often.
Samuel Butler
A maid’s yard, house, wardrobe, fridge, etc. sometimes also serve as her master’s dustbin or dumpsite.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
As useful as an unhappy artist. As useless as a happy philosopher.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who makes $25,000 annually through passive income is more enviable than he who earns $100,000 annually through a salary.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Our latest moment is always our supreme moment. Five minutes delay in dinner now is more important than a great sorrow ten years gone.
Samuel Butler
Most adults are knowledgeable to a child, but ignorant for their age.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sport begets tumultuous strife and wrath and wrath begets fierce quarrels and war to the death.
Horace
It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
Ambrose Bierce
Sniffing glue is a homeless nonbeliever's prayer.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A paedophile is someone whose sexual attraction towards children their own age did not grow with them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Ambrose Bierce
He had long been curious at leaders intermittent calls for a return to past values and had tested the notion by trying to build a house from the sky downwards
Steve Aylett
Abstainer: a weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce
God creates the animals man creates himself.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Many of the boys and men who are regarded as immature by some females are so deemed merely because they do not want to get married someday … or soon.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Employees go to school for 12 – 18 years merely to impress prospect employers in a 12 – 18 minutes interview.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He that would pun would pick a pocket.
Alexander Pope
Man unlike the animal has never learned that the sole purpose of life is to enjoy it.
Samuel Butler
Many commit the same crimes with a very different result. One bears a cross for his crime another a crown.
Juvenal
He who begun has half done. Dare to be wise begin.
Horace
If human beings were really progressive creatures, then all boys would be smarter, healthier, and, wealthier, than their grandfathers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Ira furor brevis est: animum rege: qui nisi paret imperat.(Anger is a brief madness: govern your mind [temper], for unless it obeys it commands.)
Horace
Loyalty is still the same Whether it win or lose the game True as a dial to the sun Although it be not shined upon.
Samuel Butler
Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If countries were named after the words you first hear when you go there, England would have to be called "Damn It".
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Scientists used to do an experiment whereby a dog’s repeated reward for performing a task was unaccountably replaced by punishment. The dog, knowing it would be penalized for doing well or doing badly, would become melancholic and inactive. This and other unforeseeable results were funded by taxing up to sixty percent of people’s earnings. People became strangely melancholic and inactive
Steve Aylett
Be ashamed not of being single, or, unemployed. That comes standard.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Never despair.
Horace
It's spider season. Every year, right about now, thousands of the godless eight-legged bastards emerge from the bowels of hell (or the garden, whichever's nearest) with the sole intention of tormenting humankind.
Charlie Brooker
One can live in this world on soothsaying but not on truth saying.
G. C. Lichtenberg
Looks sure can be deceiving: not every ‘ugly’ person is a ‘bad’ person (or is guilty of whatever it is that they are accused of).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A church service starts and ends with a prayer. A magazine starts and ends with an advert.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Anger is a brief madness.
Horace
All seems infected that the infected spy as all looks yellow to the jaundiced eye.
Alexander Pope
Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Looking at what 'foreplay' is, 'sexual intercourse' is a game.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We, in the interest of the so-called progress, have been persuaded to leave the production and at times the cooking of our food to companies whose owners and employees make a living by exploiting our busyness or laziness and our innate hunger to continue living.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Beware of the compound adjective, beloved of the tyro and the 'poetess'.
Ambrose Bierce