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Quotes by Satirists - Page 21

Sense isn’t democratic. A senseless opinion that’s advocated by 'the majority' is still senseless.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An enlightened thinker does not waste his precious time thinking about what others think of what he thinks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A realist is a slave to reality.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
Samuel Butler
Feelings trap us in the self, Tony dear. Doing a thing because you feel wonderful about it—even a work of charity—is in the end a selfish act. We perform the work not to feel wonderful but to know and love the other. It's the same with your romance. You may not feel your love, but God is still your loved one, your other.
Tony Hendra
I am against justice … whenever it is carried out by a mob.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In many a case, the phrase ‘I’d like to get to know you better’ is a euphemism for ‘I want us to fuck.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Hypocrisy is when you get mad at a friend for telling their other friend a secret that your other friend told you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If I am right Thy grace impart Still in the right to stay If I am wrong O teach my heart To find that better way!
Alexander Pope
A cowardly critique starts with a compliment.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Insurance companies sell what might happen tomorrow. Historians sell what certainly happened yesterday.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not to go back is somewhat to advance. And men must walk at least before they dance.
Alexander Pope
Starving whilst schooled is like a man’s finding out that his wife is on her periods … a few seconds after he took Viagra.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I crept in to find my father with pennies on his eyes - and looking closer I saw they were made of foil-covered chocolate. Of course I stole and ate them. Magical guilt? Tell me about it
Steve Aylett
Heathen n. A beknighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Ambrose Bierce
He mouths a sentence as curs mouth a bone.
Charles Churchill
Technically, according to the notion of the will of God, there is no such a thing as a competent surgeon.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When a book and a head collide and a hollow sound is heard, must it always have come from the book?
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
What so tedious as a twice-told tale?
Alexander Pope
Back in the day, it was either both a mother and her daughter had pubic hair, or the daughter didn’t. Today, in many a case, the mother is the one who doesn’t.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whilst lovers: to control her man, a woman uses (the man’s access to) her vagina. When ex-lovers: she uses (the man's access to) their kids.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
What is the worth of anything But for the happiness 'twill bring?
Richard Owen Cambridge
It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.
Tom Lehrer
History n: an account mostly false of events mostly unimportant which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves and soldiers mostly fools.
Ambrose Bierce
Granted, not all uneducated women are prostitutes, and, not all prostitutes are uneducated. However, where building a family is employment, an uneducated woman's womb is her diploma.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Education inspires the educated to think for themselves. Schooled programs the schooled to work for others.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
She discovered, when it was too late, that she had mistaken the means for the end—that riches, rightly used, are instruments of happiness, but are not in themselves happiness.
Thomas Love Peacock
Then say not man's imperfect, Heav'n in fault;. Say rather, man's as perfect as he ought.
Alexander Pope
An 'Employee of the Month' is a titled given to someone who best helped someone else actualize their dream—in that particular month.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.
Ambrose Bierce
Eve left Adam to meet the Devil in private.
Alexander Pope
Till tired he sleeps and life's poor play is o'er.
Alexander Pope
Dear Whoever-that-just-found-out-that-they-have-a-terminal-illness, don't let that put you down. Technically, we are all dying.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Spam is a waste of the receivers’ time, and, a waste of the sender’s optimism.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In some rare cases, a friendship between two people benefits both of them, and what’s more, in some rarer cases, it benefits both of them equally.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The oldest books are still only just out to those who have not read them.
Samuel Butler
Of course, with any new technology, the question in the back of everyone's mind is 'Can I have sex with it or use it to kill people?'-Flintstones Vol. 2: Bedrock Bedlam
Mark Russell
School fools a lot of people. Professionally, one thing is not the most that one person can be.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!The world forgetting, by the world forgot.Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d
Alexander Pope
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
Alexander Pope
People think of faith as being something that you don't really believe, a device in helping you believe simply it. Of course that is quite wrong. As Pascal says, faith is a gift of God. It is different from the proof of it. It is the kind of faith God himself places in the heart, of which the proof is often the instrument...He says of it, too, that it is the heart which is aware of God, and not reason. That is what faith is: God perceived by the heart, not be reason.
Malcolm Muggeridge
Hope springs eternal in the human breast Man never is but always to be blest.
Alexander Pope
To leave a man's ego bigger, retweet him. To leave his faculty of reasoning better, challenge his tweet.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Your friends love you for who you are. Your family loves you for what you are.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life ups the self-esteem of a low-paid man by giving him things that the high-paid man that he envies cannot buy (intellect, looks, sex appeal, etc.).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Faeces by any other name would smell as gross
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The test of a good critic is whether he knows when and how to believe on insufficient evidence.
Samuel Butler
We set up harsh and unkind rules against ourselves. No one is born without faults. That man is best who has fewest.
Horace
Critiquing a doer isn’t doing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Capitalism has turned human beings into commodities. To the owner of a restaurant: the cook and a bag of potatoes are equally important.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
These reasonings will furnish us with an adequate definition of a true critic: that he is a discoverer and collector of writers’ faults. Which may be farther put beyond dispute by the following demonstration: that whoever will examine the writings in all kinds, wherewith this ancient sect has honoured the world, shall immediately find, from the whole thread and tenor of them, that the ideas of the authors have been altogether conversant and taken up with the faults and blemishes, and oversights, and mistakes of other writers; and let the subject treated on be whatever it will, their imaginations are so entirely possessed and replete with the defects of other pens, that the very quintessence of what is bad does of necessity distil into their own, by which means the whole appears to be nothing else but an abstract of the criticisms themselves have made.
Jonathan Swift
Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whoever thinks a faultless piece to see. Thinks what ne'er was nor is nor e'er shall be.
Alexander Pope
A man of business may talk of philosophy a man who has none may practise it.
Alexander Pope
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
Ambrose Bierce
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