Quotes by Satirists - Page 20

Don't learn to do, but learn in doing.
Samuel Butler
A key and a strangler - this is all a simple tale requires.
Steve Aylett
The rich are poor without the poor's acknowledgment of money.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A woman who cannot be ugly is not beautiful.
Karl Kraus
The religious worry about life after death at the expense of life before death.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you’ve lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Later the place was as deserted as Malcolm Muggeridge's Christmas party of fellow intellectuals.
William Donaldson
Technically, all tattoos are temporary, even permanent ones.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Riches either serve or govern the possessor.
Horace
A model is an actor without a voice.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When reading a book, you are sold what some writer thought. When reading a newspaper, you are sold what someone did, and, what some advertiser made.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Technically, you cannot really own a book you bought; you can only own the sheets of paper your copy is printed on; unless, of course, you are the book’s publisher.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you raising?’ are not identical in all cases: some men are not taking care of their own children, some are knowingly or unknowingly raising other men’s children, and some do not even know that they each have a child, another child, or other children.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Literacy makes man a victim of advertising. Education makes him a victim of employment.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
That was excellently observed’, say I, when I read a passage in an author, where his opinion agrees with mine. When we differ, there I pronounce him to be mistaken.
Jonathan Swift
Possession they say is eleven points of the law.
Jonathan Swift
The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unacquainted with grief, I knew not how to appraise my bereavement; I could not rightly estimate the strength of the stroke.
Ambrose Bierce
I would give something to know for precisely whom the deeds were really done, of which it is publicly stated they were done 'for the Fatherland'.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
There's none so blind as they that won't see.
Jonathan Swift
Most people believe most of the things they believe only because they believe that most people believe them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The changing year's progressive plan Proclaims mortality to man.
Horace
Sometimes men come by the name of genius in the same way that certain insects come by the name of centipede - not because they have a hundred feet but because most people can't count above fourteen.
G. C. Lichtenberg
People who complain about something that they cannot do anything about are as irritating as those who complain about something that they can do something about.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
12% of dreams create jobs. 88% of jobs destroy dreams.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce
Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people can’t stand spending a few minutes by themself. Yet they expect others to spend an hour, a day, or, even a lifetime, with them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish
Lenny Bruce
Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.
Samuel Butler
Some women’s greatest achievement is sleeping with a man who is rich, famous, and/or wanted by many women, whereas some women’s greatest achievement is refusing to sleep with such a man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
So I say a name, even if self-bestowed, is better than a number. In the register of the potter's field I shall soon have both. What wealth!
Ambrose Bierce
One of the benefits of aligning yourself with an indistinct cluster of people is that claiming to feel their pain is often enough.
Charlie Brooker
[Pascal] was the first and perhaps is still the most effective voice to be raised in warning of the consequences of the enthronement of the human ego in contradistinction to the cross, symbolizing the ego's immolation. How beautiful it all seemed at the time of the Enlightenment, that man triumphant would bring to pass that earthly paradise whose groves of academe would ensure the realization forever of peace, plenty, and beatitude in practice. But what a nightmare of wars, famines, and folly was to result therefrom.
Malcolm Muggeridge
Chances are that whatever that you are worried about—be it a person or a thing—isn’t worried about you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Be not the first by whom the new are tried Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.
Alexander Pope
In the Bible, a woman was made from a man. In real life, a man is made from a woman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some praise at morning what they blame at night.
Alexander Pope
Revenge is sweeter than life itself. So think fools.
Juvenal
Captive Greece captured her rude conqueror
Horace
To most Americans, a dog is a potential mate. To some Chinese, a dog is potential meat.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Without doing one cannot fail. But one cannot succeed either.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Every artist takes their final work to the grave.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I won't quarrel with my bread and butter.
Jonathan Swift
Many marriages would have been laid to rest a long time ago, if they were not on a life-support machine called other people’s opinions and/or expectations.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
Lenny Bruce
Men (who cheat) do not cheat because they are dogs. They are (regarded as) dogs because they cheat.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
War: first, one hopes to win; then one expects the enemy to lose; then, one is satisfied that he too is suffering; in the end, one is surprised that everyone has lost.
Karl Kraus
Because of the power that we have given money: The government would rather have taxpayers who do not vote, than voters who do not pay tax.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.
Malcolm Muggeridge
Who knows if the gods above will add tomorrow's span to this day's sum?
Horace
The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A book is a mirror: if an ass peers into it you can't expect an apostle to look out.
G. C. Lichtenberg
Some who grow dull religious straight commenceAnd gain in morals what they lose in sense.
Alexander Pope
After our loved one dies: we cry, not because they left; but because they left us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thoughts which have no chance of succeeding do not take the trouble to come into your head at all.
Flann O'Brien
Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Ambrose Bierce