Quotes by Satirists - Page 17

History was a way to live extra lives, to cheat the limits of flesh and blood, to roll the rock back from the tomb and free the resurrected dead.
Tony Hendra
Seize the day and put the least possible trust in tomorrow.
Horace
Being forever available to the rest of the world is overrated. I mean, what are 'missed calls' invented for?
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Employment is an employee’s kissing of an employer’s ass. A salary is the employer’s pretense to be cleaning his ass.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
One man meets an infamous punishment for that crime which confers a diadem upon another.
Juvenal
A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am his Highness' dog at Kew;Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
Alexander Pope
Until recently, I was an ebook sceptic, see; one of those people who harrumphs about the “physical pleasure of turning actual pages” and how ebook will “never replace the real thing”. Then I was given a Kindle as a present. That shut me up. Stock complaints about the inherent pleasure of ye olde format are bandied about whenever some new upstart invention comes along. Each moan is nothing more than a little foetus of nostalgia jerking in your gut. First they said CDs were no match for vinyl. Then they said MP3s were no match for CDs. Now they say streaming music services are no match for MP3s. They’re only happy looking in the rear-view mirror.
Charlie Brooker
One-night stands were invented to free men from worrying about the size of their penis. And to free women from worrying about the size of their stretch marks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The only way to truly help most drug addicts and most alcoholics is to—instead of them—change reality.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a rich man’s bed is bigger than many a poor woman’s bedroom; his bedroom, her house.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Ambition’ is ‘greed’ rebranded.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Since childhood I’d been suspected of imagination
Steve Aylett
It is a sign of intellectual maturity to always crawl to conclusions.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Barbaric accuracy - whimpering humility.
G. C. Lichtenberg
Like alcohol and poverty, a heartbreak has the power to make a man do something he wouldn’t normally do and to make a woman do someone she wouldn’t normally do.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A genius is a grown-up that did not grow up.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A high self-esteem having artist works hard to be understood. A low self-esteem having artist works hard to be agreed with.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Parents are the last people on Earth who ought to have children.
Samuel Butler
Some people respect some people only because some people respect them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I discovered that everything you do is in response to a request or a suggestion made to you by some other party either inside you or outside. Some of these suggestions are good and praiseworthy and some of them are undoubtedly delightful. But the majority of them are definitely bad and are pretty considerable sins as sins go.
Flann O'Brien
A genius does what he masters. An ordinary man tries to master what he does.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I reckon being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better.
Samuel Butler
When the world has once begun to use us ill it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony as men do to a whore.
Jonathan Swift
Peanut butter is a poor man’s marmalade.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Our self-conceit sustains and always must sustain us.
Samuel Butler
We can’t all be comedians, some people have to do the laughing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
What did I fear, and why? — I, to whom the night had beena more familiar facethan that of man —I, in whom that element of hereditary superstition from which none of us is altogether free had given to solitude and darkness and silence only a more alluring interest and charm!
Ambrose Bierce
When you lose a friend or a lover, those who remain in your life gain (more of your attention).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Never elated while one man's oppress'd Never dejected while another's bless'd.
Alexander Pope
Some wo/men are so possessive … you end up missing missing them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
That the universe was formed by a fortuitous concourse of atoms, I will no more believe than that the accidental jumbling of the alphabet would fall into a most ingenious treatise of philosophy.
Jonathan Swift
In pride in reas'ning pride our error lies All quit their sphere and rush into the skies. Pride still is aiming at the bless'd abodes Men would be angels angels would be gods.
Alexander Pope
If man was a logical creature: his last suspect—namely, his mouth—was going to be the first; whenever he thinks that someone, or, something is smelly.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who makes fun of a short and fat man’s weight is much less cruel than he who makes fun of his height.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
And all who told it added something new And all who heard it made enlargements too.
Alexander Pope
Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If growing up means not seeing one’s family and friends on the regular—all in the name of paying the bills, then growing up is overrated.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who smoke would have probably been regarded as fools or insane, if only a percentage of people who smoke smoked.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In a materialistic society, there’s no such a thing as a ‘romantic’ broke man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Before civilization, artists painted for the living. Today, most paint for a living.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We grow weary of those things (and perhaps soonest) which we most desire.
Samuel Butler
It’s easy to write a sentence, paragraph, or book. What’s difficult is writing the best sentence, paragraph, or book, you can write.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Ambrose Bierce
Acquaintance n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce
With these words there came the rending scream of a shattered stirk and an angry troubling of the branches as the poor madman percolated through the sieve of a sharp yew, a wailing black meteor hurtling through green clouds, a human prickles.
Flann O'Brien
JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
Ambrose Bierce
There is no mistaking a good book when one meets it. It is like falling in love.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
I heard the little bird say so.
Jonathan Swift
Ignoramus: a person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.
Ambrose Bierce
A diploma is a piece of paper that is used to acquire another piece of paper: an employment contract.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We want words to do more than they can. We try to do with them what comes to very much like trying to mend a watch with a pickaxe or to paint a miniature with a mop; we expect them to help us to grip and dissect that which in ultimate essence is as ungrippable as shadow. Nevertheless there they are; we have got to live with them, and the wise course is to treat them as we do our neighbours, and make the best and not the worst of them.
Samuel Butler
Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Better to accept whatever happens.
Horace
The musician who always plays on the same string is laughed at.
Horace
Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A writer’s primary goal is to make sense. The bookstore’s is to make cents.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana