Quotes by Satirists - Page 16

Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The feast of reason and the flow of soul.
Alexander Pope
A 'black' man who draws a 'black' person with big lips is called observant. A 'white' man who does the same is called a racist.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When Scythrop grew up, he was sent, as usual, to a public school, where a little learning was painfully beaten into him, and from thence to the university, where it was carefully taken out of him; and he was sent home like a well-threshed ear of corn, with nothing in his head.
Thomas Love Peacock
Law is a bottomless pit.
J. Arbuthnot
Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Ah, children of the sunlight and the gaslight, how little you know of the world in which you live!
Ambrose Bierce
To live is like to love: all reason is against it and all healthy instinct is for it.
Samuel Butler
Nothing holds back human progress as frequently as the misbelief that the words ‘impossible’ and ‘improbable’ are synonyms.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
For when success a lover's toil attends,Few ask, if fraud or force attain'd his ends
Alexander Pope
Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A social critic is someone whose work revolves around where and how our successes are failing us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw.
Ambrose Bierce
Probably no invention came more easily to man than Heaven.
Georg Cristoph Lichtenberg
If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Music resembles poetry, in eachAre nameless graces which no methods teach,And which a master hand alone can reach.
Alexander Pope
After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We sometimes take photos (or record a video) so that we can later see what was happening while we were busy taking photos (or recording a video).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A lucky man is rarer than a white crow.
Juvenal
Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.
Horace
An incurable itch for scribbling takes possession of many and grows inveterate in their insane breasts.
Juvenal
When to elect there is but one Tis Hobson's Choice take that or none.
Thomas Ward
Words are like Leaves; and where they most abound,Much Fruit of Sense beneath is rarely found.
Alexander Pope
When a man's bank balance becomes too small, his woman flees. For a man to do the same, his woman's body — or vagina — has to do the opposite.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Your own property is concerned when your neighbor's house is on fire.
Horace
Most people say that Shakespeare rocked merely because most people say that Shakespeare rocked.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am neither for conformity nor non-conformity. I am for individuality. If one's individuality is in effect non-conformity, then so be it. But basically, one's individuality consists of conformity--to one's self.
Paul Krassner
The world economy would collapse if a significant number of people were to realize and then act on the realization that it is possible to enjoy many if not most of the things that they enjoy without first having to own them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you are unemployed, weekends are seven days long.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Any fool can tell the truth but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
Samuel Butler
SOSTRATUS: Observe then your injustice! You punish us who are but the slaves of Clotho's bidding, and reward these, who do but minister to another's beneficence. For it will never be said that it was in our power to gainsay the irresistible ordinances of Fate?MINOS: Ah, Sostratus; look closely enough, and you will find plenty of inconsistencies besides these. However, I see you are no common pirate, but a philosopher in your way; so much you have gained by your questions. Let him go, Hermes; he shall not be punished after that. But mind, Sostratus, you must not put it into other people's heads to ask questions of this kind.
Lucian of Samosata
NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
Ambrose Bierce
Some of today’s slaves sleep on king size beds.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits.
Samuel Butler
We call talking about other people’s personal lives ‘gossip’ only if we aren’t or weren’t part of the conversation.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people masturbate to temporarily replace their partners when they are absent, whereas some people do that to temporarily live in the present.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The news is glorified gossip.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Poverty has deceived many of us into believing that some people who are in that state love the food, clothes, places, and people that they do not even like. The same can be said about wealth.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Contrary to popular belief, some animals would not have each chosen to be a human being, if they were given the choice between being what they are and being human.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
On this night I had searched for them without success, fearing to find them; they were nowhere in the house, nor about the moonlit dawn. For, although the sun is lost to us for ever, the moon, full-orbed or slender, remains to us. Sometimes it shines by night, sometimes by day, but always it rises and sets, as in that other life.
Ambrose Bierce
There will be no beautiful widow with Persian eyes sitting at your grave. And teary-eyed kids won't be asking: "Papa, papa, can you hear us?
Ilya Ilf
Acquittal of the guilty damns the judge.
Horace
God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.
Ambrose Bierce
Grief is an artist of powers as various as the instruments upon which he plays his dirges for the dead, evoking from some the sharpest, shrillest notes, from others the low, grave chords that throb recurrent like the slow beating of a distant drum. Some natures it startles; some it stupefies. To one it comes like the stroke of an arrow, stinging all the sensibilities to a keener life; to another as the blow of a bludgeon, which in crushing benumbs.
Ambrose Bierce
Giving up isn't a deed. It is 'discontinuity' of a deed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Smartphones are tools which fools fiddle with when they are around people that they don’t have the courage, or, the intellect, to converse with.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Promise and pie-crust are made to be broken.
Jonathan Swift
Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
Samuel Butler
Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches as to conceive how others can be in want.
Jonathan Swift
Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Narcissism is as profitable to a model as scruffiness is to a homeless person.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To a homeless man, home is literally where the heart is.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most employees don’t really want to be highly-paid; they just want to earn more than their peers, and, more importantly, more than their neighbours.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
*You only get one chance to make a first impression.* Ah, whatever!!! Who said you get three chances to make the second impression?!!
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The depravity of man is at once the most empirically verifiable reality but at the same time the most intellectually resisted fact.
Malcolm Muggeridge
An education system is best belittled when the so-called educated gets hired by a company that’s owned by a so-called dropout.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If you want to be happy, be so.
Kozma Prutkov
To see a man’s true colours, tell him that you don’t plan on having sex with him. To see a woman’s true colours, tell her that you don’t plan on marrying her.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana