Quotes by Satirists - Page 14

When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive poor man who seems rich over a sexually attractive rich man who seems poor.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
What Reason weaves, by Passion is undone.
Alexander Pope
Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
Jonathan Swift
We are not won by arguments that we can analyze but by tone and temper, by the manner which is the man himself.
Samuel Butler
The definition of 'Employment' by an employer, and, that by an employee, are seldom the same.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To masturbate is to imagine: physically.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Make use of every friend— and every foe.
Alexander Pope
A bad handwriting is as annoying to a reader … as an irritating voice is to a listener.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If love wasn’t conditional, every single first encounter with individuals of your 'preferred' gender would result in *love at first sight.*
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A humanitarian seldom makes a good lover. For a lover’s world revolves around their lover, while a humanitarian’s world revolves around the world.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
Samuel Butler
He who is greedy is always in want.
Horace
No one is content with his own lot.
Horace
A writer's pen depreciates with every word that it writes. Whereas she appreciates with every word that she writes.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most sane human beings who have managed to attain and retain fame each uses it to dramatically increase their name’s chances of being remembered until Jesus comes back, since their heart cannot do what they consciously or unconsciously lust for, that is to say, for it to beat until Jesus returns.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
St. Teresa of Avila described our life in this world as like a night at a second-class hotel.
Malcolm Muggeridge
The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.
Lenny Bruce
As uncomfortable as it might be, I refuse to let the comfort of being agreed with suffocate my opinions.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Never undertake anything for which you wouldn't have the courage to ask the blessings of heaven.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learned to bear its ills without being overcome by them.
Juvenal
An ID number is only there to 'identify' human beings. Use it to assume people’s intellect or wisdom at your own risk.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most critics, fond of subservient artstill make the whole depend upon a part.They talk of principles, but notions prizeAnd all to one loved folly sacrifice.
Alexander Pope
You will live wisely if you are happy in your lot.
Horace
One's first step in wisdom is to question everything one's last is to come to terms with everything.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not think that thou be a leader, merely because thee be having more than 0 followers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In fiction: we find the predictable boring. In real life: we find the unpredictable terrifying.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The pride of aiming at more knowledge, and pretending to more perfection, is the cause of Man's error and misery.
Alexander Pope
The name of a great writer is usually bigger than the title of his book. Both literally and figuratively.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To become richer, earn more. To appear richer, move into a poorer neighborhood.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The present is the closest that you will ever get to the future.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To flatter a young man, tell him that you thought that he was older than he is. To flatter an old woman, tell her that you thought that she was younger than she is.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Generally, a woman would rather be married to any man that she doesn’t hate, than remain unmarried to a man that she loves.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Creating is the closest thing to being immortal.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Always ask any questions that are to be asked and never answer any. Turn everything you hear to your own advantage. Always carry a repair outfit. Take left turns as much as possible. Never apply your front brake first.‘If you follow them’, said the Sergeant, ‘you will save your soul and never get a fall on a slippery road.
Flann O'Brien
The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am usually able to tolerate all kinds of victims of indoctrination except those who have been infected with xenophobia, racism, or homophobia.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Not every happy person is rich, and, Not every rich person is happy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The last time everyone loved or at least liked everyone was when the world had a population of about 4.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Chomie' is South African homosexual men’s unofficial name.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Know then thyself; presume not God to scan,The proper study of mankind is Man.Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,A being darkly wise and rudely great:With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,And too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,He hangs between; in doubt to act or rest;In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast;In doubt his mind or body to prefer;Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err.Alike in ignorance, his reason such,Whether he thinks too little or too much.
Alexander Pope
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Ambrose Bierce
All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.
John Arbuthnot
Making God a man is the consolation prize that our forefathers gave themselves for not being the ones who were each blessed with a vagina.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To put a dreamer in their place isn’t dreaming.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be.
Ambrose Bierce
He who gladly does without the praise of the crowd will not miss the opportunity of becoming his own fan.
Karl Kraus
Most people do not have a problem with you thinking for yourself, as long as your conclusions are the same as or at least compatible with their beliefs.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing reminds one of how shitty inequality is more often than the fact that there are companies who make and people who use 1-ply toilet papers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months than we are loved by some of those who contact us every twelve or so days … or hours.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.
Jonathan Swift
If moderation is a fault then indifference is a crime.
G. C. Lichtenberg
Gladly accept the gifts of the present hour.
Horace
Graphic designers judge a cover by its book.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana