Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 9

You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.
James Thurber
Ideas are bulletproof
Steve Moore
And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be.
Dr. Seuss
Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with low SAT scores. The only differences among us is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
Scott Adams
Democracy's fatal flaw: There are more dumb people than smart people. Welcome to the new Dark Ages!
Oliver Gaspirtz
The baby batScreamed out in fright,'Turn on the dark,I'm afraid of the light.
Shel Silverstein
I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse.
Brian Spellman
Running a race assigns a point to a sport that often feels very pointless. It's an exuberant payoff to months of tedium. It's a way of crafting an end boss for a particularly cumbersome video game. It's a fun, monstrous reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other. So, do yourself a favor: go build a monster.
Matthew Inman
I think we place the wrong emphasis upon examples, that we're treading on very weak ground when we set ourselves up as examples for others to become religious. If people are going to look at me for religious guidance, then I think they're looking in the wrong place.
Charles M. Schulz
She was a good witch and a decent person, but decent people aren’t always easy to live with.
Ursula Vernon
Oh, that's great. That way, when things have quieted down, and we come up for air, or money, or re-supply, we'll get a nice explosive package from him that says "so nice to see you again" in a way that only multi-megaton yields can.
Howard Tayler
YOU DON’T KNOW IF YOUR IDEA IS ANY GOOD the moment it’s created. Neither does anyone else. The most you can hope for is a strong gut feeling that it is. And trusting your feelings isnot as easy as the optimists say it is. There’s a reason why feelings scare us—because what they tell us and what the rest of the world tells us are often two different things.
Hugh MacLeod
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
Admittedly, art is somewhat like spit. It does not repulse or even worry is while it is still inside of us, but once it exits our body, it becomes disgusting.
Ivan Brunetti
I awoke to a daymare. Life.
Brian Spellman
You are all a lost generation," Gertrude Stein said to Hemingway. We weren't lost. We knew where we were, all right, but we wouldn't go home. Ours was the generation that stayed up all night.
James Thurber
Maxim 5: Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Simon: You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you'll be under my knife again, often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us, I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe... 'cause I'm your medic. And however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way. River: Also, I can kill you with my brain.
Ben Edlund
The sexier the other woman is, the more jealous your wife gets. And that's where slut shaming comes from. When a woman is too sexually attractive, when she's too good at attracting the attention of the opposite sex, other women will shame her for it, because they are afraid she will steal their men.
Oliver Markus
this song is for the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony, and it's called 'we hate you, please die.
Bryan Lee O'Malley
On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home.
Bill Watterson
I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.
Bill Watterson
I had a dream about you last night... and found out that friends are a label we love to use, but usually it's just a nice word for "acquaintance.
Marshall Ramsay
One of the most valuable things one of my art teachers said to me was, ‘Don’t get upset by criticism. Value the fact that at least someone noticed what you did.
Chris Ware
Whatever happened to our dreams? The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
Randall Munroe
If you are a dreamer, come in,If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer...If you're a pretender, come sit by my fireFor we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in!Come in!
Shel Silverstein
He put his hand on his forehead and scoured the French department of his memory for a word. He knew it was in there. He'd put it in almost fifty years before and hadn't had cause to remove it. But for the life of him he couldn't find it.
Colin Cotterill
[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to... Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?
Bill Watterson
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
Bill Watterson
Your idea doesn't have to be big. It just has to be yours alone. The more the idea is yours alone, the more freedom you have to do something really amazing. The more amazing, the more people will click with your idea. The more people click with your idea, the more it will change the world.
Hugh MacLeod
Life is short unless agony is long.
Brian Spellman
Grief takes many forms, including the absence of grief.
Alison Bechdel
Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.
Dr. Seuss
I work at the graveyard. It's a family business passed down to me. I seem to be the last in line, however. But I don't plan to stop. I forget to stop and just keep going. Work to be done. Always something to do. I've been working here for hundreds of years. Burying more and more. It's a family business.
K.C. Green
Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed.
Charles M. Schulz
RAINI opened my eyesAnd looked up at the rain.And it dripped in my headAnd flowed into my brain,And all that I hear as I lie in my bedIs the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.I step very softly,I walk very slow,I can’t do a handstand-I might overflow,So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said-I’m just not the same since there’s rain in my head.
Shel Silverstein
We tend to make up [stories] in the same circumstances in which people come up with conspiracy theories: ignorance and powerlessness. And they share the same flawed premise as most conspiracy theories: that the world is way more well planned and organised that it really is. They ascribe a malevolent intentionality to what is more likely simple ineptitude or neglect. Most people are just too self-absorbed, well-meaning, and lazy to bother orchestrating Machiavellian plans to slight or insult us. It's more often a boring, complicated story of wrong assumptions, miscommunication, bad administration, and cover-ups - people trying, and mostly failing, to do the right thing, hurting each other not because that's their intention but because it's impossible to avoid.
Tim Kreider
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
Dr. Seuss
The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
Bill Watterson
The best you can hope for in a relationship is to findsomeone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It isfutile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someonewho is capable of significant change; that sort of personexists only in our imaginations.
Scott Adams
Anyone can be an idealist. Anyone can be a cynic. The hard part lies somewhere in the middle—that is, being human.
Hugh MacLeod
Maxim 29: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it.
Jef Mallett
Can you be happy with the movies, and the ads, and the clothes in the stores, and the doctors, and the eyes as you walk down the street all telling you there is something wrong with you? No. You cannot be happy. Because, you poor darling baby, you believe them.
Katherine Dunn
My feeling toward Republicans is like my feeling about sharks: of course they're stupid and vicious. It's in their nature to be mindless, ravening killing machines. It's nothing personal. They don't know any better. Pretty much the only thing you can do about them is stay out of their waters and, if you're unlucky enough to meet with one, shoot it through its rudimentary brain with a spear gun.
Tim Kreider
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
Scott Adams
Maxim 2: A sergeant in motion outranks a lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
I think I’m getting a notion of how to do this. O.K., a carnival works because people pay to feel amazed and scared. They can nibble around a midway getting amazed here and scared there, or both. And do you know what else? Hope. Hope they’ll win a prize, break the jackpot, meet a girl, hit a bull’s-eye in front of their buddies. In a carnival you call it luck or chance, but it’s the same as hope. Now hope is a good feeling that needs risk to work. How good it is depends on how big the risk is if what you hope doesn’t happen. You hope your old auntie croaks and leaves you a carload of shekels, but she might leave them to her cat. You might not hit the target or win the stuffed dog, you might lose your money and look like a fool. You don’t get the surge without the risk. Well. Religion works the same way. The only difference is that it’s more amazing than even Chick or the twins. And it’s a whole lot scarier than the Roll-a-plane or the Screamer, or any simp twister. This scare stuff laps over into the hope department too. The hope you get from religion is a three-ring, all-star hope because the risk is outrageous. Bad! Well, I’m working on it. I’ve got the amazing part down. And the scary bits are a snap. But I’ve got to come up with a hope.
Katherine Dunn
The groove is so mysterious. We're born with it and we lose it and the world seems to split apart before our eyes into stupid and cool. When we get it back, the world unifies around us, and both stupid and cool fall away.I am grateful to those who are keepers of the groove. The babies and the grandmas who hang on to it and help us remember when we forget that any kind of dancing is better than no dancing at all.
Lynda Barry
The happiest people are not the ones with the best or the most things, but those who most appreciate what they have.
Oliver Gaspirtz
And the tree was happy
Shel Silverstein
Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.
Bill Watterson
Babies are such a nice way to start people.
Don Herold
Live life by the abc's...adventure, bravery and creativity.
James Thurber
Sure he was great, but don't forget that Ginger Rogers did everything [Fred Astaire] did, .. backwards and in high h
Bob Thaves
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
Bill Watterson
She had blue skin,And so did he.He kept it hidAnd so did she.They searched for blueTheir whole life through,Then passed right by-And never knew.
Shel Silverstein
Honesty can be a dirty gift. It can muddy a sparkling stream of memories.
Colin Cotterill
The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.
Kin Hubbard
Look out!! Ha! Now you've done it! Now you've broken a lamp, and you've got no one to blame it on but yourself!""Maybe I could blame it on society!
Charles M. Schulz