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Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 8

I fall in love with any girl who smells of library paste.
Charles M. Schulz
When I was, like thirteen I thought it would be really cool to be a prostitute... I Thought It was like handsome guys would take you out on these romantic dates and you´d fuck them and then they´d pay you...
Daniel Clowes
If television's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.
Dorothy Gambrell
As Darwin said by keeping women at home their achievements were paltry compared to men's which proved women were biologically inferior. And he should know because he was a Genius. You probably learned about him at school.
Jacky Fleming
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it's just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
Bill Watterson
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
Kin Hubbard
Then he dreamed that he was in the open door of a plane several thousand feet above the earth and he had to jump holding a baby in his arms. It was his baby. He jumped, pulled the rip cord on the parachute, and it didn’t open. The emergency release didn’t work. He was falling fast. The wind tore at him fiercely. He was gripping the baby as tightly as he could but the wind pried under his arms, strained at his muscles, and suddenly the baby was loose, falling beside him, just out of reach. He flailed and groped in the air, trying to reach it. The baby was falling just a little bit faster than he was. It was below him, falling away from him as he fell after it. The earth screamed up at him. He knew that the baby was going to hit first and he would see it, would know it for a whole fraction of a second before he was smashed into a pulp himself. The terrible millisecond of that grief burst in him and he woke shrieking. He couldn’t get the dream out of his head. He prayed that he would have the dream again but that this time he would fall faster and be allowed to die first.
Katherine Dunn
Maxim 6: If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
It's no longer time to take sides for or against race, rather sides against those who still do.
Brian Spellman
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Kin Hubbard
I had a dream about you last night... and in it you said "Chin up; it only gets harder.
Marshall Ramsay
Let us not look back in anger nor forward in fear but around us in awareness.
James Thurber
I purposely used a pretty cocky, abrasive writing style in Sex and Crime, to stir up some drama. My confrontational style quickly became the talk of the scene. Some of the things I wrote were so inflammatory, people had to vent about it on online forums. So suddenly everyone in the scene was talking about Sex and Crime, just as I had hoped. I enjoyed playing the role of agitator, and people from competing hacking crews didn't even realize that the more they bitched about the things I wrote, the more credibility and notoriety they were adding to my scene mag. Thanks to all the positive as well as negative feedback I was getting, the things I wrote actually mattered. Suddenly I was the most important opinion maker in the scene.
Oliver Markus
This document outlines our plan to perpetrate insurance fraud, insider trading, and character assassination....hopefully tripling our paycheck on this job.Okay, see? Those words I understand just fine. Use them more often.-Lieutenant Massey Reynstein & Captain Tagon
Howard Tayler
I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice.
Brian Spellman
Happy Endings are an illusion. Real life is filled with brief moments of fleeting happiness, but ultimately every life is a tragedy that ends in death and grief.
Oliver Gaspirtz
That has to be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life.
Charles M. Schulz
A Wasn’t just isn't. He just isn't present. But you… You ARE YOU! And, now isn't that pleasant!
Dr. Seuss
If we could all hear one another's prayers God might be relieved of some of his burden.
Ashleigh Brilliant
It's hard to say. Sometimes people have had terrible childhoods. And sometimes they just haven't found their special place in life. And sometimes they're dogs from hell and must be destroyed.
Charles Addams
To understand why I jumped from the Mormon wagon train requires an understanding of what Mormons are and how they think. While Mormons have some quaint, quirky and fanatical ideas, they really aren't much different from millions of poor, guilt-ridden souls who, throughout the march of human history, have hitched their hopes to mass movements of one sort or another. Eric Hoffer, in his brilliant treatise, "The True Believer," explains the attraction of joining a cause: "A rising mass movement attracts and holds a following 'by the refuge it offers from the anxieties, barrenness and meaninglessness of an individual existence. It cures the poignantly frustrated by freeing them from their ineffectual selves--and it does this by enfolding and absorbing them into a closely knit and exultant corporate whole'. "Of all the cults and philosophies that competed in the Graeco-Roman world, Christianity alone developed from its inception a compact organization."Once I realized this, it wasn't much of a leap out of religion altogether once I flew the Mormon coop. I simply wanted to be free from organizational groupthink. I escaped from the stuffy attic of religion's "pray, pay and obey" mentality into journalism's open laboratory of "who, what, where, when and why.
Steve Benson
A true believer is a danger to humanity.
Al Jaffee
In Germany, people will agree in theory that prostitution should be legal, but they usually won't admit that they themselves have ever gone to a prostitute: "Yeah, it should be legal, and I have no problem with it, but I would never go to one. I'm above that." Then they secretly go to one anyway. On the down low. They won't admit it in polite company, because they don't want to look trashy.
Oliver Markus Malloy
There is a face beneath this mask, but it isn't me. I'm no more that face than I am the muscles beneath it, or the bones beneath that.
Steve Moore
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
Dr. Seuss
Latin is already a dead language, man... don't make it any deader.
Jerry Scott
I sit in front of the notebook and feel like it’s just too late for me. And that this book isn’t working, nothing’s working, everything feels like it’s made of spiders.
Jessica Abel
Art – the one achievement of man which has made the long trip up from all fours seem well advised
James Thurber
On his misfit globe he has outlasted the mammoth and the pterodactyl, but he has never got the upper hand of bacteria and the insects.
James Thurber
I don't feel so sad when somebody dies, Julio, because they fly away to explore the stars and planets. When it's our turn we join them in exploring the universe.
Gilbert Hernández
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
Bill Watterson
As I would soon learn myself, cleaning up what a parent leaves behind stirs up dust, both literal and metaphorical. It dredges up memories. You feel like you’re a kid again, poking around in your parents’ closet, only this time there’s no chance of getting in trouble, so you don’t have to be so sure that everything gets put back exactly where it was before you did your poking around. Still, you hope to find something, or maybe you fear finding something, that will completely change your conception of the parent you thought you knew.
Roz Chast
How Horrid" has a slightly facetious tone that strikes me as Wildean. It appears to embrace the actual horror--puberty, public disgrace--then at the last second nimbly sidesteps it, laughing.
Alison Bechdel
WTF is praying gonna do for Vegas? Apparently God likes mass shootings.
Oliver Markus Malloy
Maxim 15: Only you can prevent friendly fire.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Anything that smiles often needs to be reminded that the world is a cruel, dark place.
Matthew Inman
Let's take a minute to talk about spellbooks, since, in this day and age when magic is no longer taught in schools (or is, at best, an elective like Home Economics), very few people have the experience with spellbooks that they used to.
Ursula Vernon
Let’s talk about rape for a moment. Rape is not what George Lucas did to your childhood. Rape is not what happens when a sports team beats another sports team by a wide margin. Rape is not what happens when your electric bill is higher this month than it was last month. Rape is when a person violates another person in the most despicable, degrading way imaginable and among the myriad of terrible things humans can do to one another, rape is among the worst. I think the casual misappropriation of the concept of rape extending all the way to its widespread comical usage is disgusting even by Internet standards. Off my chest.
Jeffrey Rowland
The life of the creative man is led directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes.
Saul Steinberg
Let me propose that if your beliefs or convictions matter more to you than people - if they require you to act as though you were a worse person than you are - you may have lost perspective.
Tim Kreider
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!
Dr. Seuss
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?
Dr. Seuss
If you were standing in the path of the beam, you would obviously die pretty quickly. You wouldn't really die of anything, in the traditional sense. You would just stop being biology and start being physics.
Randall Munroe
Honey, when you say we can't communicate... what exactly do you mean?
Randy Glasbergen
C'mon, let's go in my room and abuse drugs and stuff!
Daniel Clowes
You have made the moon," The Jester said. "That is the moon.
James Thurber
I wish I could recommend the experience of not being killed to everyone.
Tim Kreider
The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!
Terry Moore
I think that true horror is accomplished by slowly getting into your brain. The old way is much more scary.
Sergio Aragonés
A stupid mule is still smarter than a good horse or a bad man.
Ursula Vernon
A lady of forty-seven who has been married twenty-seven years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: 'Love is what you've been through with somebody.'
James Thurber
He wasted his wishes on wishing.
Shel Silverstein
School is learning things you don't want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn't know, while working toward a future you don't know will ever come.
Dave Kellett
You have to be willing to spend time making things for no known reason.
Lynda Barry
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Bill Watterson
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
Lynda Barry
It’s tempting to imagine happiness as a state of mind caused by whatever is happening in your life. By that way of thinking, we’re largely victims of the cold, cold world that sometimes rewards our good work and sometimes punishes us for no reason. That’s a helpless worldview and it can blind you to a simple system for being happier. Science has done a good job in recent years of demonstrating that happiness isn’t as dependent on your circumstances as you might think. For example, amputees often return to whatever level of happiness they enjoyed before losing a limb. And you know from your own experience that some people seem to be happy no matter what is going on in their lives, while others can’t find happiness no matter how many things are going right. We’re all born with a limited range of happiness, and the circumstances of life can only jiggle us around within the range. The good news is that anyone who has experienced happiness probably has the capacity to spend more time at the top of his or her personal range and less time near the bottom.
Scott Adams
When he worked, he really worked. But when he played, he really PLAYED.
Dr. Seuss
They're only crayons. You didn't fear them in Kindergarten, why fear them now?
Hugh MacLeod
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