Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 7

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.
Bill Watterson
Some of us find our lives abridged even before the paperback comes out.
Berkeley Breathed
Addicts don't like when you tell them they are all the same. Of course not. Who would? But to me, addicts are like actresses, who all audition for the same role in a horror movie. It doesn't matter how they got to the audition. It doesn't matter how or where they grew up, once they get to the audition, all the actresses act in the same way and read the same lines. They all become the same character.
Oliver Markus
I'd rather be single, happy, and lonely sometimes than married, lonely, and happy sometimes.
Mark Fiore
If life was fair ... one third of the people would comprise of judges and lawyers ... one third of police and prison officials ... and one third of legislators ... and one third more to make the other three thirds make any sense at all .... Thank goodness for no fair.
Brian Spellman
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.
Bill Watterson
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit
Kin Hubbard
Biblical, Talmudic, or Koranic literalists remind me of children wrinkling their noses at Belon oysters and asking for more Chef Boy-E-Dee. They want the world to be as simple as they are.
Tim Kreider
So Yoda sounds like our best bet as an energy source. But with world electricity consumption pushing 2 terawatts, it would take a hundred million Yodas to meet our demands. All things considered, switching to Yoda power probably isn't worth the trouble — though it would definitely be green.
Randall Munroe
A lot of bands make two different music videos for their latest songs. A censored version for American TV, and an uncensored version that includes nudity for European music stations. The so-called Land of The Free doesn't seem so free anymore, when you realize that other countries have a lot more freedom.
Oliver Markus Malloy
Positive disintegration is the sublimation of suffering
Martijn Budel
The difference between our decadence and the Russians' is that while theirs is brutal ours is apathetic.
James Thurber
True storyThis morning I jumped on my horseAnd went for a ride,And some wild outlaws chased meAnd shot me in the side.So I crawled into a wildcats caveTo find a place to hideBut some pirates found me sleeping thereAnd soon they had me tiedTo a pole and built a fireUnder me---I almost criedTill a mermaid came and cut me looseAnd begged to be my brideSo I said id come back WednesdayBut I must admit I lied.Then I ran into a jungle swampBut I forgot my guide And I stepped into some quicksandAnd no matter how hard I triedI couldn’t get out, until I metA watersnake named ClydeWho pulled me to some cannibalsWho planned to have me friedBut an eagle came and swooped me upAnd through the air we fliedBut he dropped me in a boiling lakeA thousand miles wideAnd you’ll never guess what I did then---I DIED
Shel Silverstein
The fine line between genius and madness is a punch line. Duck, you idiot!
Brian Spellman
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
Dr. Seuss
I'm about to start reading it again, because what good is a story you only want to read once?
Bill Willingham
Captain, you have heard the charges. How do you plead? Before you answer, you should know that if you plead "guilty" you'll be immediately extradited and U.N.S. law will take over.""Not guilty.""Also, it's not very nice to lie in court.""But it beats extradition.
Howard Tayler
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
Al Capp
If you cant beat 'em cooperate 'em to death!
Charles M. Schulz
Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with dry, uninspiring books on algebra, history, etc. Being suddenly hit years later with the 'creative bug' is just a wee voice telling you, 'I'd like my crayons back, please.
Hugh MacLeod
Our words are often only vague, inadequate descriptions of our thoughts. Something gets lost in translation every time we try to express our thoughts in words. And when the other person hears our words, something gets lost in translation again, because words mean different things to different people. "A long time" may mean 10 hours to one person, but 10 days to another. So when a thought is formed in my brain, and my mouth expresses it in words, and your ears hear it, and your brain processes it, your brain and my brain never truly see exactly the same thing. Communication is always just an approximation.
Oliver Gaspirtz
In dividing the light, things are seen. And we notice ourselves.
John Allison
Freedom is sloppy. But since tyranny's the only guaranteed byproduct of those who insist on a perfect world, freedom will have to do.
Bill Willingham
I find myself thinking about this hue-mon all of the time. I wonder if it ever thought about us?Was there room in here for thoughts about beetles?Did it ever wonder how some glow?Or spray liquid fire?Or dance on water?Or drink fog?Maybe someday, if a hue-mon reads this journal, it will help them appreciate all of the amazing little aliens living underfoot.
Jay Hosler
I chiefly concern myself with those who seldom get a hearing, & I don't feel it is incumbent on me to balance their voices with the well-crafted apologetics of the powerful. The powerful are generally excellently served by the mainstream media or propaganda organs. The powerful should be quoted, yes, but to measure their pronouncements against the truth, not to obscure it.
Joe Sacco
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
Bill Watterson
Thanksgiving dinner's sad and thankless. Christmas dinner's dark and blue. When you stop and try to see it From the turkey's point of view.Sunday dinner isn't sunny. Easter feasts are just bad luck. When you see it from the viewpoint of a chicken or a duck. Oh how I once loved tuna salad Pork and lobsters, lamb chops too Till I stopped and looked at dinner From the dinner's point of view.
Shel Silverstein
Feminists have accepted that choice is possible when it comes to a different, difficult subject: abortion. The feminist position (and I agree with it) is that women own their bodies and therefore each woman has the right to choose to get an abortion if she gets pregnant. This is called being "pro-choice". Feminists should be consistent on the subject of choice. If a woman has the right to choose to have an abortion, she should also have the right to choose to have sex for money. It's her body; it's her right.
Chester Brown
It's 8a.m. and time to restIt's 10a.m. and time to relaxIt's noon and time for reposeIt's 3p.m. and time for shut-eyeIt's 6p.m. and time for siestaIt's 9p.m. and time to slumberIt's midnight and time to snoozeIt's 4a.m. and time to hang upside down from your bedroom ceiling, screaming.
Francesco Marciuliano
I am not a conqueror. I am nothing like you.
Faith Erin Hicks
Dragons have been known to have staring contests with mountains. They usually win.
Ursula Vernon
I will go to my grave in a state of abject endless fascination that we all have the capacity to become emotionally involved with a personality that doesn't exist.
Berkeley Breathed
TREE HOUSEA tree house, a free house,A secret you and me house,A high up in the leafy branchesCozy as can be house.A street house, a neat house,Be sure to wipe your feet houseIs not my kind of house at all- Let's go live in a tree house.
Shel Silverstein
I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I'd write a check to buy it back.
Brian Spellman
Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.
Tim Kreider
Don't knock the weather nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
Kin Hubbard
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
Bill Watterson
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.
Dr. Seuss
Lucy's polls were sometimes kind of violent.
Charles M. Schulz
You can choose to say, "Good Morning God" or "Good God, morning!
Timothy Parker
...I would be the last person to say that madness is not a solution.
James Thurber
Family is in essence a small nation, and the nation a large family. In treating his own family with dignity, a ruler learns to govern his nation with dignity
Gene Luen Yang
You don't have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
Scott Adams
At a certain age our parents offhandedly start telling us things we’ve never heard before, about themselves and their families, their upbringing and history. They’re turning their lives into stories, trying to make sense of them in retrospect and pass them on while there’s still time. You begin, embarrassingly belatedly, to see them as people with lives long preceding your own.
Tim Kreider
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Charles M. Schulz
BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!
Bill Watterson
Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear so don't look and they'll stay farther away than you expect they would.
Brian Spellman
I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.
Matt Groening
Writer's block is just a symptom of feeling like you have nothing to say, combined with the rather weird idea that you should feel the need to say something. Why? If you have something to say, then say it. If not, enjoy the silence while it lasts. The noise will return soon enough.
Hugh MacLeod
Selfishness is not a virtue. Altruism is not a moral weakness. Taxation is the price we pay for civilization.
Darryl Cunningham
Air traffic control is going to have a steamy old fit on your dime, boy.They can get in line behind the police, the people whose cars we trashed, the Empire of Ob'enn, the Partnership Collective, and the Wormgate Corporation. Oh, and I think maybe some dark matter beasties from Andromeda.You "think maybe"?-General Tagon & Captain Andreyasn
Howard Tayler
I want things to change in The Nameless City. I want the people in the city to finally have some influence over its future. We've never had that before. If there's something I can do to make this council of nations happen, I want to know about it. Don't tell me not to be worried. Tell me how to help.
Faith Erin Hicks
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
Bill Watterson
Oh the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Dr. Seuss
If your business plan depends on suddenly being "discovered" by some big shot, your plan will probably fail. Nobody suddenly discovers anything. Things are made slowly and in pain.
Hugh MacLeod
In my head, the sky is blue, the grass is green and cats are orange.
Jim Davis
Happiness does not create humor. There's nothing funny about being happy. Sadness creates humor. Krazy Kat getting hit on the head by a brick from Ignatz Mouse is funny. All the sad things happening to Charlie Chaplin are funny. It's funny because it's not happening to us.
Charles M. Schulz
Maxim 30: A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Don’t be lookin up at no sky for help. Look down here, at us twisted dreamers.
D.B.C. Pierre
Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house.
James Thurber