Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 3

This boat that we just built is just fine - And don't try to tell us it's not The sides and the back are divine - It's the bottom I guess we forgot
Shel Silverstein
You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.
Bill Watterson
Okay, you won our shitty little argument. Pass the world.
Brian Spellman
You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.
Scott Adams
When they realized they were in the desert, they built a religion to worship thirstiness.
Zach Weinersmith
..The stuff you learn beforehand will never be one-tenth as useful as the stuff you learn the hard way, on the job.
Hugh MacLeod
Who embalms the Undertaker when he dies?
Alison Bechdel
And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed!
Dr. Seuss
Are you done briefing the company yet?""We, um... Haven't gotten through the introductions yet.""Allow me: Time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, this is the mercenary company "Tagon's Toughs.""Company, this is the time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, who will have become your captain thirty-two hours from now, as of seven weeks ago.Now, quick. Let's go save the galaxy while they're confused.
Howard Tayler
I've discovered a way to stay friends forever - There's really nothing to it. I simply tell you what to doAnd you do it!
Shel Silverstein
Zoo-Wee Mama!
Jeff Kinney
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.
James Thurber
Unhappiness is in not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.
Don Herold
Theory of Evolution (Summary)First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the environment, thus becoming monkeys. Then came Total Quality Management.
Scott Adams
That's odd. It looks almost as if Nick is picking a fight with that elephant.""Well, the elephant started it.""That's irrelevant. Fighting with civilians is against the rules. Go break it up."-Admiral Breya Andreyasn & Sergeant Schlock
Howard Tayler
When to others it's not lying. It's privacy.
Brian Spellman
I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.
Bill Watterson
why can't you see i'm a kid', said the kid.Why try to make me like you?Why are you hurt when I don't cuddle?Why do you sigh when I splash through a puddle?Why do you scream when I do what I did?Im a kid.
Shel Silverstein
I don't like to say I'm happy. The Universe always finds out and corrects its mistake.
David Willis
It's a naive domestic burgundy without any breeding but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.
James Thurber
I said, "I'll take the T-bone steak."A soft voice mooed, "Oh wow."And I looked up and realizedThe waitress was a cow.I cried, "Mistake--forget the the steak.I'll take the chicken then."I heard a cluck--'twas just my luckThe busboy was a hen.I said, "Okay no, fowl today.I'll have the seafood dish."Then I saw through the kitchen doorThe cook--he was a fish.I screamed, "Is there anyone workin' hereWho's an onion or a beet?No? Your're sure? Okay then friends,A salad's what I'll eat."They looked at me. "Oh,no," they said,"The owner is a cabbage head.
Shel Silverstein
Oops! We thought he had a gun!’ So you shot me in the back three times ’cause you thought I had a gun? I was gonna sue, but they said they was gonna kill me. I was 18 years old, I didn’t have nobody, I didn’t have all this. They kept pickin’ me up, kept lockin’ my ass up, beating me, until I dropped the lawsuit. When I dropped the lawsuit, that’s when everything stopped. That’s what the fuck happened to me. I was terrorized by some terrorists.
Jeff Smith
Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.
Brian Spellman
I've demonstrated an impressive resilience in the face of valuable life lessons, and the main thing I seem to have learned from this one is that I am capable of learning nothing from almost any experience, no matter how profound.
Tim Kreider
Things that will someday work out well start out well. Things that will never work start out bad and stay that way.
Scott Adams
I had a dream about you last night... I think flying saucer activity is pretty easy to explain; if I had one, I'd go joyriding too.
Marshall Ramsay
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Dr. Seuss
Creatures whose main spring is curiosity will enjoy the accumulating of fact far more than the pausing at times to reflect on those facts.
Clarence Day
Language is a poor thing. You fill your lungs with wind and shake a little slit in your throat, and make mouths, and that shakes the air; and the air shakes a pair of little drums in my head—a very complicated arrangement, with lots of bones behind—and my brain seizes your meaning in the rough. What a roundabout way, and what a waste of time.
George du Maurier
It's hard to get motivated fixing a compile-time syntax error when you can buy a powder that turns a house into a monster.
Ryan North
A good night's sleep counts healthy sheep.
Brian Spellman
The old ways are dead. And you need people around you who concur. That means hanging out more with the creative people, the freaks, the real visionaries, than you're already doing. Thinking more about what their needs are, and responding accordingly. Avoid the dullards; avoid the folk who play it safe. They can't help you anymore. Their stability model no longer offers that much stability. They are extinct, they are extinction.
Hugh MacLeod
Maxim 16: Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.
Jeff Kinney
I used to have more tolerance for these views, but I am losing patience with what I see. The test of anything is the fruit it bears. I see no good fruit being born.
Charles M. Schulz
Maxim 20: If you’re not willing to shell your own position, you’re not willing to win.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
To possess possessions, a man will "sell himself" to have what another has, but it never dawns on him ~ that the more he gets, the less he keeps of himself.
Rius
Calling a book "Young Adult" is just a fancy way of saying the book is censored.
Oliver Markus
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.Cross it? I'm making plans to destroy the bridge from orbit.-Colonel Ceeta & Captain Tagon
Howard Tayler
Being crazy isn't enough.
Dr. Seuss
I say there is no darkness but ignorance," said William Shakespeare. How would he know, he knew everything?
Brian Spellman
The same thing that makes friendship so valuable is what makes it so tenuous: it is purely voluntary. You enter into it freely, without the imperatives of biology or the agenda of desire. Officially, you owe each other nothing.
Tim Kreider
Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should save some of it for tomorrow.
Don Herold
Most people are just too self-absorbed, well-meaning, and lazy to bother orchestrating Machiavellian plans to slight or insult us. It’s more often a boring, complicated story of wrong assumptions, miscommunication, bad administration, and cover-ups—people trying, and mostly failing, to do the right thing, hurting each other not because that’s their intention but because it’s impossible to avoid.
Tim Kreider
It's not as if any of us wants to live like this, any more than any one person wants to be part of a traffic jam or stadium trampling or the hierarchy of cruelty in high school; it's something we collectively force one another to do.
Tim Kreider
There is absolutely no single aspect of one’s personality that is more important to develop than empathy, which is not a skill at which men typically are asked to excel. I believe empathy is not only the core of art, literature and music, but should also be at the core of society, from ethics to economics.
Chris Ware
ENTER THIS DESERTED HOUSEBut please walk softly as you do.Frogs dwell here and crickets too.Ain't no ceiling, only blueJays dwell here and sunbeams too.Floors are flowers - take a few.Ferns grow here and daisies too.Whoosh, swoosh - too-whit, too-woo,Bats dwell here and hoot owls too.Ha-ha-ha,hee-hee,hoo-hoooo,Gnomes dwell here and goblins too.And my child, I thought you knewI dwell here...and so do you.
Shel Silverstein
Hope isn't destiny. Left passive its nothing more than disappointment deferred
Bill Willingham
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Ashleigh Brilliant
It's hard to argue over money when a girl flashes you her pussy.
Oliver Markus Malloy
A person's a person, no matter how small.
Dr. Seuss
Dear Anyone Who Finds This, Do not blame the drugs.
Lynda Barry
I married my love in the springtime, / but by summer he’d locked me away. / He’d murdered me dead by the autumn, / and by winter I was naught but decay
Emily Carroll
Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!
Daniel Clowes
My secret to maintaining a youthful appearance? Immaturity.
Brian Spellman
The truth is always an insult or a joke, lies are generally tastier. We love them. The nature of lies is to please. Truth has no concern for anyone's comfort
Katherine Dunn
I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.
Bill Watterson
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
Bill Watterson
We treat the things that soak up energy and resources like they're valuable, and the things that generate them like they're disposable. We don't celebrate batteries. And I think that's wrong.
Molly Ostertag
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Bill Watterson