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Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 17

Stop telling such outlandish tales. Stop turning minnows into whales.
Dr. Seuss
There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY."That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.
Jeff Kinney
Birds are flyin' south for winter.Here's the Weird-Bird headin' north,Wings a-flappin', beak a-chatterin',Cold head bobbin' back 'n' forth.He says, "It's not that I like iceOr freezin' winds and snowy ground.It's just sometimes it's kind of niceTo be the only bird in town.
Shel Silverstein
The average sendentary man of our time who is at all suggestible must emerge from this chapter believing that his chances of surviving a combination of instinct, complexes, reflexes, glands, sex, and present-day traffic conditions are about equal to those of a one-legged man trying to get out of a labyrinth.
James Thurber
An apology is the superglue of life! It can repair just about anything!!
Lynn Johnston
Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.
Scott Adams
My mother once told me, when you have to make a decision, imagine the person you want to become someday. Ask yourself, what would that person do?
Barry Deutsch
Women, he would say, are not Muses. Muses are Muses. To confuse one with the other is to mistake the Devouring Void for the Seminal Light. Earthly Women and the Muses are ancient, sworn enemies. The battlefield is the Creative Male. On the one side is the encampment of Discordia, of Diana, of Venus located in his Heart and in his Groin. On the other is the Bastion of Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia and Urania, in his Brain and in his Mind. The Muses are tolerant and understanding of border raids, skirmishes, and harassing maneuvers. Throughout the history of the Male Light, there have been few painters, few writers, who have not had a She Who Must Be Accommodated. For some it was their mothers. For many their wives, their mistresses, their girlfriends. For many it was their daughters, a favourite waitress, a stripper, a whore. To the Muses, they are all one. Mother, whore, wife, daughter, stripper, waitress, mistress, girlfriend.
Dave Sim
You have got to own your days and live them each one of them every one of them or else the years go right by and none of them belong to you.
Herb Gardner
Calvin: The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action. Once you are informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray. You realize nothing is as clear as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing. Being a man of action, I cannot afford to take that risk. Hobbes: You're ignorant, but at least you act on it.
Bill Watterson
Though statisticians in our time have never kept the score man wants a great deal here below and Woman even more.
James Thurber
The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary.
Ashleigh Brilliant
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
Bill Watterson
Some guys like to undermine a girl's self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn't hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse.
Oliver Gaspirtz
Two minutes worth of signal analysis told me all I needed to know. This station "talks" to the dark matter universe about what goes on inside.""How did you cobble together a jammer so quickly?""I had one on me.
Howard Tayler
A cow's heaven is a flower's idea of hell.
Oliver Gaspirtz
The brain is unreliable. It relies on lies.
Brian Spellman
My son, I don’t believe in God, prayer, afterlife or miracles. You may disagree with me on all of these. I’d prefer that you agree and reserve rebellion and independence over important issues instead.
Brian Spellman
Each time I see the Upside-Down ManStanding in the water,I look at him and start to laugh,Although I shouldn't oughtter.For maybe in another worldAnother timeAnother town,Maybe HE is right side upAnd I am upside down
Shel Silverstein
AAAAIIIE!You're the guy with the things, and the thing that does that thing, and then you did that one thing!Oh, and I think there's something about other things, and maybe you fix things?-Sergeant Schlock
Howard Tayler
Being mad at a drug addict for doing what drug addicts do, is like being mad at a shark for doing what sharks do, or being mad at a cockroach for doing what cockroaches do.
Oliver Markus
Art, as I see it, is any human activity which doesn’t grow out of either of our species’ two basic instincts: survival and reproduction.
Scott McCloud
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Scott Adams
I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
Scott Adams
It's one thing to have a divinely inspired love given to you to experience and share; it's something else altogether to recognize it when it appears. Our job is to go on being humbled and grateful that we should get to experience such a thing in our lifetimes, and preserve its magic by doing the most responsible thing possible to keep it alive . . . Just keep saying yes.
Mark Fiore
Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!— Russ Cargill
Matt Groening
Your future depends on many things,but mostly on you.
Frank Tyger
You're never too old, too wacky, too wild, to pick up a book and read to a child.
Dr. Seuss
It takes it out of you, writing with heart. And it was just for me really. Sort of a confirmation to myself that my inner diva can still make love to the keyboard when she’s in the mood. I have to keep her roped and gagged when I’m writing for the newspapers. They don’t like her at all. They don’t want love. They want a quick tryst in a motel room that’s forgotten in a few hours.
Colin Cotterill
I have deep feelings of depression... What can I do about this?''Snap out of it! Five cents, please.
Charles M. Schulz
When African slave Phillis Wheatley wrote poetry, 18 men came to assess whether that was possible.
Jacky Fleming
If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?
Brian Spellman
CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.
Bill Watterson
Just Me, Just MeSweet Marie, she loves just me(She also loves Maurice McGhee).No she don't, she loves just me(She also loves Louise Dupree).No she don't, she loves just me(She also loves the willow tree).No she don't, she loves just me!(Poor, poor fool, why can't you seeShe can love others and still love thee.)
Shel Silverstein
The real world is not easy to live in. It is rough it is slippery. Without the most clear-eyed adjustments we fall and get crushed.
Clarence Day
Time plays no role in the life of one man—the subtle consciousness of it floating past me is more than enough. Years, months, days, hours, minutes, seconds—what does it matter? Floating by, it rubs against my skin, face, and hair—wearing me down, yet polishing me all the while. Time is like fine grains of sand in a desert storm. At first, you don’t pay any attention to it, but the more it hits you in the face, the more aware of it you become, the more annoying it gets until, one day, you find yourself suffocating. The weight of it eventually bends your spine, until you are crawling on your hands and knees, unable to stand straight. Then comes the time to crawl back into the womb, crawl inside and wait for rebirth.
Henry Martin
I try to take one day at a time but sometimes several days attack me at once.
Ashleigh Brilliant
The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics.
Randall Munroe
Happiness is like time and space--we make and measure it ourselves; it is a fancy--as big, as little, as you please; just a thing of contrasts and comparisons, like health or strength or beauty or any other good--that wouldn't even be noticed but for sad personal experience of its opposite!--or its greater!
George du Maurier
He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword ... unless he's a general.
Brian Spellman
Something can only become an illusion after disillusionment. Before that, it is something real.
Lynda Barry
We have met the enemy and he is us.
Walt Kelly
Why aren't you girls out stealing hubcaps or shoplifting like normal children?
Daniel Clowes
We have met the enemy and he is us.
Walt Kelly
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
Bill Watterson
It has often been saidthere’s so much to be read,you never can cramall those words in your head.So the writer who breedsmore words than he needsis making a chorefor the reader who reads.That's why my belief isthe briefer the brief is,the greater the sighof the reader's relief is.And that's why your bookshave such power and strength.You publish with shorth!(Shorth is better than length.)
Dr. Seuss
You can't have a decent party for the survivors of a deadly blast without inviting the person who detonated the explosion.
Anthony Rubino Jr.
Earl: Augh! They're trying to take the wolf off the endangered list .Mooch: I know. But did you hear what they're putting back on the endangered list? Earl: What?Mooch: Empathy and compassion.
Patrick McDonnell
We can't find the cat,We don't know where she's at,Oh, where did she go?Does anyone know?Let's ask this walking hat.
Shel Silverstein
Let me propose that if your beliefs or convictions matter more to you than people—if they require you to act as though you were a worse person than you are—you may have lost perspective.
Tim Kreider
Captain, I'm fairly unique among artificial intelligences. I am FREE.I work for you because I want to. I fly your ship for you because I enjoy it. I am compelled to accept orders only by my conscience.This makes me an equal with the rest of your troops. They aren't hard-wired to obey you, yet they'll follow you to the ends of the Universe.
Howard Tayler
I suppose that a lifetime spent hiding one's erotic truth could have a cumulative renunciatory effect. Sexual shame is in itself a kind of death.
Alison Bechdel
Of what are you afraid my child? inquired the kindly teacher. "Oh sir! the flowers they are wild " replied the timid creature.
Peter Newell
Babies are never suicidal. Hard lives, not hard boiled eggs do that.
Brian Spellman
I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.
Kin Hubbard
You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?
Dr. Seuss
The police, finding a corpse with twenty-eight stab wounds in a bathtub, suspected foul play.
Tim Kreider
I need some kind of... like... last minute, poorly-set-up deus ex machina!!
Bryan Lee O'Malley
Don't ever think you're better than a drug addict, because your brain works the same as theirs. You have the same circuits. And drugs would affect your brain in the same way it affects theirs. The same thought process that makes them screw up over and over again would make you screw up over and over as well, if you were in their shoes. You probably already are doing it, just not with heroin or crack, but with food or cigarettes, or something else you shouldn't be doing.
Oliver Markus
You’ve seen for yourself that when a sad person enters a room, the mood in the room drops. And when you talk to a cheerful person who is full of energy, you automatically feel a boost. I’m suggesting that by becoming a person with good energy, you lift the people around you. That positive change will improve your social life, your love life, your family life, and your career. When I talk about increasing your personal energy, I don’t mean the frenetic, caffeine-fueled, bounce-off-the-walls type of energy. I’m talking about a calm, focused energy. To others it will simply appear that you are in a good mood. And you will be.
Scott Adams
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