Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 15

My mind reels with sarcastic replies!
Charles M. Schulz
Oh, but you must travel through those woods again and again... said a shadow at the window... and you must be lucky to avoid the wolf every time...But the wolf... the wolf only needs enough luck to find you once.
Emily Carroll
A beautiful woman can have almost any man she wants. A rich man can have almost any woman he wants.
Oliver Gaspirtz
Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle.
Darby Conley
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.Except when you don't.Because, sometimes, you won't.
Dr. Seuss
I sense a learning: that much dumber people than you end up in charge.
D.B.C. Pierre
She nibbles her pencil... She's human!
Charles M. Schulz
Science Fiction: Any scientific acclaim that omits God.
Johnny Hart
Nat: Maybe you broke something.Midge: I know. Never fall down, never fall down!Nat: Ah, it's nothing. I fall down every morning. I get up, I have a cup of coffee, I fall down. That's the system. Two years old, you stand up and then BOOM! seventy years later, you fall down again.
Herb Gardner
Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear-end collision and Man will never know that what hit him from behind was Man.
James Thurber
All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed.For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.
Charles M. Schulz
Imagine a wall that's green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We'll both be right about the color we see, even though we disagree on what color the wall is. Being able to realize that the other person has a valid point, even if you disagree with it, that's maturity.
Oliver Gaspirtz
Many of the younger generation know my name in a vague way and connect it with grotesque inventions, but don't believe that I ever existed as a person. They think I am a nonperson, just a name that signifies a tangled web of pipes or wires or strings that suggest machinery. My name to them is like a spiral staircase, veal cutlets, barber's itch—terms that give you an immediate picture of what they mean.
Rube Goldberg
Once you get people laughing they're listening and you can tell them almost anything.
Herb Gardner
Brothers and sisters should never be in the same family.
Charles M. Schulz
How do we know where we're going? Follow the moon! Remember, the moon is always over Hollywood, and Needles isn't far from Hollywood.
Charles M. Schulz
Poetry for me is a result of lyrical meditation, pre-verbal in origin, and much of the craft has to do with finding a contemporary diction that embodies, at times subverts but never betrays that pre-verbal lyrical source: the presence of song before it is sung.
John Allison
He took the Who’s feast, he took the Who pudding, he took the roast beast. He cleaned out that ice box as quick as a flash. Why, the Grinch even took their last can of Who hash.
Dr. Seuss
When you're in a Slump,you're not in for much fun.Un-slumping yourselfis not easily done.
Dr. Seuss
Some folks can look so busy doing nothin' that they seem indispensable.
Kin Hubbard
Psychoanalytic insight, Miller seems to suggest, is itself a pathological symptom.
Alison Bechdel
There is no greater loan than a sympathetic ear.
Frank Tyger
GOOD IDEAS ALTER THE BALANCE IN RELATIONSHIPS. THAT IS WHY GOOD IDEAS ARE ALWAYS INITIALLY RESISTED.
Hugh MacLeod
To Americans, either/or means both.
Brian Spellman
There's our excuse... we'll blame everything on the round-headed kid!
Charles M. Schulz
Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Perhaps only that revenge is ultimately unsatisfying," Snow said. "It can make up for evil done to you, but can destroy the remaining good in your life.
Bill Willingham
It's not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me.
Brian Spellman
What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? Philosophers have pondered that question for centuries. I'm afraid the answer is disappointingly simple: Mating. That's it.
Oliver Markus
Father expected a good deal of God. He didn't actually accuse God of inefficiency but when he prayed his tone was loud and angry like that of a dissatisfied guest in a carelessly managed hotel.
Clarence Day
Greg starts a middle school and asks: Whyis "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And sayspeople need to shave twice a day.
Jeff Kinney
The red lipstick? It's supposed to signal fertility and readiness to mate. Just like the swollen red butt of a baboon. That tight-fitting little dress that shows off your curves? From the standpoint of evolutionary biology, big breasts represent a healthy mate who can feed a lot of offspring. That's why men are programmed to like big tits. When you show off your curves, what you're really doing is advertising to the whole world: "Look at me! I'm a healthy female! I'd be a perfect mate! Come mount me!
Oliver Markus
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
Bill Watterson
Congratulations!Today is your day.You're off to Great Places!You're off and away!
Dr. Seuss
I'm not issuing some naïve plea for civility or bipartisanship here, or pretending that the opposing sides in this fight are intellectually equal. We have irreconcilable visions of the kind of country we want this to be: some of us would just like to live in Canada with better weather; others want something more like Iran with Jesus. My cruelest hope for the Tea Party is that one of their candidates wins the nomination for the presidency and they implode of their hubristic stupidity. But at least when I hear about them now, instead of reflexively picturing some braying ignoramus like Michele Bachmann, I try to remember that Matt [a friend of the Author's, ed] is out in that crowd somewhere, too. God agreed to spare Sodom if ten good men could be found within its walls (Abraham had to haggle him down from fifty). He ended up napalming those perverts anyway but the basic principle of sparing the sinner for the sake of the righteous, or the shithead for the sake of the basically okay, remains sound.
Tim Kreider
Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope.
Gilbert Shelton as Freewheelin' Franklin
She leaves, carrying a biodegradable carrier bag that reads THE SUICIDE SHOP on one side, and on the other: HAS YOUR LIFE BEEN A FAILURE? LET’S MAKE YOUR DEATH A SUCCESS!
Jean Teulé
I make mistakes, but I am on the side of Good," the Golux said, "by accident and happenchance. I had high hopes of being Evil when I was two, but in my youth I came upon a firefly burning in a spider's web. I saved the victim's life.""The firefly's ?" said the minstrel."The spider's. The blinking arsonist had set the web on fire.
James Thurber
You can't be envious and happy at the same time.
Frank Tyger
There's no such thing as a mistake, really. It's just an opportunity to do something else.
Ralph Steadman
In an era where Existence is incontestable, Truth is subjective, and Reality is perceived, fiction must mediate between the three.
Henry Martin
If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.
Brian Spellman
Ask a burning question, get a burning answer
Lynda Barry
I don't trust my mind for everyday thinking, but I am convinced that it has one very great function, which is to eventually make me aware of astounding things.
Jim Woodring
You keep seeing your picture on posters that you are missing but you're not. That'd be weird, right? Or say you look down at the sidewalk and earthworms are spelling your name. Or you open a peanut bag and the 'hello' is written in your writing on the inside of the shell. Would that weird ya?
Lynda Barry
When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!" (Homer Simpson)
Matt Groening
I'm dying and all I hear are insults!
Charles M. Schulz
I am 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were 15 months in every year I'd only be 48. That's the trouble with us. We number everything. Take women for example I think they deserve to have more than 12 years between the ages of 28 and 40.
James Thurber
If you see me standing on my head, I'm trying to cheer you up with my frown. I need my honesty, you my pleasantry.
Brian Spellman
Envy is the desire to have what someone else has. Jealousy is the fear of losing what you have. The more insecure you are about yourself or your relationship, the more jealous you are, because you are afraid to lose your significant other to someone else.
Oliver Markus
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
Bill Watterson
Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.
Michael Leunig
I get glimpses of the horror of normalcy. Each of these innocents on the street is engulfed by a terror of their own ordinariness. They would do anything to be unique.
Katherine Dunn
People are fond of spouting out the old cliché about how Van Gogh never sold a painting in his lifetime. Somehow his example serves to justify to us, decades later, that there is merit in utter failure.Perhaps, but the man did commit suicide. The market for his work took off big-time shortly after his death. Had he decided to stick around another few decades he most likely would’ve entered old age quite prosperous. And sadly for failures everywhere, the cliché would have lost a lot of its power.The fact is, the old clichés work for us in abstract terms, but they never work out in real life quite the same way. Life is messy; clichés are clean and tidy.
Hugh MacLeod
You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid.
Bill Watterson
When I pass, speak freely of my shortcomings and my flaws. Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure.
Aaron McGruder
You may be a lady but you are still the man!
Lynda Barry
What sort of attractions do you think lured our coreligionists out of the ghetto and into the mainstream of European culture? Was it the wit of Molière, or the ingenious stage mechanisms of Pixérécourt? Or was it simply the opportunity to cast an eye, without shame, upon the living, unclad human form?
Ben Katchor
Life is a circus: you go in, bow, run around, bow again and leave.
Storm Petersen
Winning isn’t everything, but losing isn’t anything.
Charles M. Schulz