Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 12

How a plain and wagon on Mulberry Street, Grows into a story that no one can beat
Dr. Seuss
Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth can't last.
Greg Evans
The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.
Don Herold
Homeopathy is the only non-violent health care system
Ron Harris
I don't know why we take our worst moods so much more seriously than our best, crediting depression with more clarity than euphoria. We dismiss peak moments and passionate love affairs as an ephemeral chemical buzz, just endorphins or hormones, but accept those 3 a.m. bouts of despair as unsentimental insights into the truth about our lives.
Tim Kreider
Men have always wanted to have sex with as many fertile young women as possible. It's part of a man's basic programming. That hasn't changed. Civilization is nothing more than an artificial and very thin veneer hiding our deep-seated primitive urges.
Oliver Markus
I always imagined that cats were the Paris Hiltons of the pet world: They didn't quite deserve all the attention but they got it anyway.
Sarah Andersen
Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid.
Oliver Markus
Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
James Thurber
Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Above me soft footsteps, the sound through the ceiling of a teenager haunted by a door to the night. My cousin Maybonne lights up a Salem, blows ghosts to the darkness, be it ever so humble, there's no place like home.
Lynda Barry
A bind is when you're quadriplegic, suicidal about that and unable to persuade your best friend to murder you.
Brian Spellman
Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss
I recently forced myself to read a book on quantum physics, just to try and learn something new. I was confused by the middle of the first sentence and it all went downhill from there. The only thing I can remember learning is that a parallel universe can theoretically be contained on the head of a needle. I don't really know what that means, but I am now more careful handling needles.
Stephan Pastis
You see man we are just fucking extras!! Extras in a capitalist blockbuster!~page 75
Winshluss
We are sorry about the way things turned out. We gave, in the phrasing of our words if not literally in the words themselves, the false impression that these pages might hold some small fragment, some slight fragrance of a greater truth. That there might be something here to be learned. Before we go any further the author of this cartoon wishes to make an apology. Such an impression was deliberately cultivated. It is a ruse. It is a lie. We are every bit as lost and afraid as children abandoned in a wood: every bit as lost as you.
Anders Nilsen
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
Kin Hubbard
How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live 'em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give 'em.
Shel Silverstein
I'm Reginald Clark, I'm afraid of the darkSo please do not close this book on me.
Shel Silverstein
Often you don’t know whether you’re the hero of a romantic comedy or the villain on a Lifetime special until the restraining order arrives.
Tim Kreider
The Little Boy and the Old ManSaid the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."Said the old man, "I do that too."The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."I do that too," laughed the little old man.Said the little boy, "I often cry."The old man nodded, "So do I."But worst of all," said the boy, "it seemsGrown-ups don't pay attention to me."And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.I know what you mean," said the little old man.
Shel Silverstein
It’s hard to find anything to say about life without immersing yourself in the world, but it’s also just about impossible to figure out what it might be, or how best to say it, without getting the hell out of it again.
Tim Kreider
Do a loony-goony dance 'Cross the kitchen floor, Put something silly in the world That ain't been there before.
Shel Silverstein
If you're in the middle of a monumental and devastating life crisis, hang in there. It'll be over in about an hour. Two hours, tops.
Anthony Rubino Jr.
My mother had always taught me to write about my feelings instead of sharing really personal things with others, so I spent many evenings writing in my diary, eating everything in the kitchen and waiting for Mr. Wrong to call.
Cathy Guisewite
I knew what he felt. The huge buoyant air sack of love that filled his body had just exploded and the collapse was devastating.
Katherine Dunn
I'm not important, having a child is not an amazing feat, and my child, while extraordinarily important to and beloved by her parents, is not particularly special in the scheme of things.
Emily Flake
Self-publishing a shitty book doesn't make you an author any more than singing in the shower makes you a rockstar or squeezing your pimple makes you a dermatologist.
Oliver Markus
Rats! There goes the bell... oh, how I hate lunch hours! I always have to eat alone because nobody likes me... Peanut butter again... I wish that little red haired girl would come over, and sit with me. Wouldn’t it be great if she’d walk over here, and say, “May I eat lunch with you, Charlie Brown?” I’d give anything to talk with her... she’d never like me, though... I’m so blah and so stupid... she’d never like me... I wonder what would happen if I went over and tried to talk to her! Everyone would probably laugh... she’d probably be insulted someone as blah as I am tried to talk to her. I hate lunch hour... all it does is make me lonely... during class it doesn’t matter... I can’t even eat... Nothing tastes good... Rats! Nobody is ever going to like me... Lunch hour is the loneliest hour of the day!
Charles M. Schulz
It's our very capacity for self-consciousness that makes us self-destructive!
Alison Bechdel
Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?
Bill Watterson
I'm nostalgic for a better tomorrow.
Brian Spellman
I can't name just one example. Then there's only one.
Brian Spellman
Until you stalk and overrun, you cannot devour anyone.-Hobbes
Bill Watterson
Maxim 27: Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.
Scott Adams
Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
Matt Groening
I see no reason why church services have to be standard. I've discussed this with the man who used to be a pastor here at the Methodist Church in Sebastopol. I told him I saw no reason why, on a certain Sunday morning, if a minister has felt during the week the burden of a topic upon his heart and he knows that it is going to take more than the standard twenty minutes to discuss this thing, why he can't rise at the beginning of the service and say 'I have something of special importance this morning so let's sing just one song, and if you'll forgive me, I think I'm going to need about an hour to explain it to you.' I think the congregation would appreciate his candor and give him their attention. If, on the other hand, he does not feel that a definite message has been given him, why not admit it from the pulpit and say, 'This morning, I'm not going to try to make up something to fill the time. We'll sing a few extra hymns and go home!' Why do the services have to begin and end at the same time, and why does everything have to be so rigid?
Charles M. Schulz
Well, I just don’t want you to think that this piece of shit is anything other than a pathetic, human defect. Nothing more. Not a monster, not a bogeyman. Nothing but another reason to feel better about yourself. Understand that it’s just a person - not worth devoting any nightmares to.
Jhonen Vásquez
Physicality is the basis of performance.
David Petersen
Dogs have more love than integrity. They've been true to us, yes, but they haven't been true to themselves.
Clarence Day Jr.
It's a city where everbody mutinies but no one deserts.
Harry Hershfield
A journey of self-discovery is never pointless, Prince Zuko. However dim your path may seem, and however far you may wander from it...the important thing is that you learn from all of your mistakes along the way and never forget for one moment who you are, or what you are struggling to be.
Dave Roman
If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too.
Dr. Seuss
You can't hold someone whoWants to leaveYou can't clutch a memoryAs if it were todayYou can't take an insultClose to heartYou can't grasp for gloryFrom your chairYou can't seize lifeThinking only of lossAnd you can't grab a laser pointer dotOn the wallNo matter how much you tryThese hard-earned truths I give to you
Francesco Marciuliano
Psychosis is person less persona, raving sincerity.
Brian Spellman
Perhaps the reason we so often experience happiness only in hindsight, and that any deliberate campaign to achieve it is so misguided, is that it isn't an achievable goal in itself but only an afteraffect. It's the consequence of having lived in the way that we're supposed to - by which I don't mean ethically correctly but fully, consciously engaged in the business of living.
Tim Kreider
I would like to believe and give in to my naiveté, I would like to embrace the fact that I am back in the place where the long fingers of civilization cannot reach me and rip my heart out. At this moment, I would like to embrace myself. I would like to be unconcerned with the rest of the world and take pleasure in knowing that I have found my home. All of my life, all of my adult life, which began with the first notion of understanding, I have been searching for this sensation. You, cruel world, have tried to bring me down, tried to crush me with your code of conduct, your ethics, and your preconceived limits on liberty. You have raped me and robbed me of happiness; you have stolen my dreams and my dignity, leaving me to rot with the rest of you. Today, I know I have escaped your poisoned web; I know your rules do not apply to me, for after all you have done to crush me, I am still standing proudly above the set of your sick play. I am in love—a feeling you no longer thought I was capable of. I am in love—living, breathing, dreaming again—triumphant over your sick schemes.
Henry Martin
The truth is, people are ravenous for sex, sociopaths for love. I sometimes like to daydream that if we were all somehow simultaneously outed as lechers and perverts and sentimental slobs, it might be, after the initial shock of disillusionment, liberating. It might be a relief to quit maintaining this rigid pose of normalcy and own up to the outlaws and monsters we are.
Tim Kreider
It is true that I am a person with black pockets of evil and hatred in my heart. There are underground places inside of me
Lynda Barry
Friends? Your friends? If you lock them together in a room with no food for a week…Then you could see what it is, friends! …
Art Spiegelman
Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.
Oliver Markus
It's imprecise and insufficient, defining the homosexual as a person whose gender expression is at odds with his or her sex.
Alison Bechdel
Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.And the magical things you can do with that ballwill make you the winning-est winner of all.Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.Except when they don'tBecause, sometimes they won't.I'm afraid that some timesyou'll play lonely games too.Games you can't win'cause you'll play against you.
Dr. Seuss
Writing simply means no dependent clauses, no dangling things, no flashbacks, and keeping the subject near the predicate. We throw in as many fresh words we can get away with. Simple, short sentences don't always work. You have to do tricks with pacing, alternate long sentences with short, to keep it vital and alive.... Virtually every page is a cliffhanger--you've got to force them to turn it."~
Dr. Seuss
Nobody likes being exploited, unless they're unaware of it, and many aren't aware of it because they believe that's how life is and you can't change it.
Rius
Once upon a time, there was a little creature that was rather small and rather wicked and it lived all alone in the woods. The little creature lived in a little den, at the bottom of a little ravine, filled with not-at-all little brambles and on the edge of a forest that could only be described as really freakin' huge.
Ursula Vernon
Give a boy - ANY boy - enough time, and he WILL eventually pick his nose!
Lincoln Peirce
It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me!
Hergé
I'll leave you two alone. Morality might be contagious.
Howard Tayler