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Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 11

This is one reason people need to believe in God—because we want someone to know us, truly, all the way through, even the worst of us.
Tim Kreider
Peace ain't worth fighting for.
Brian Spellman
Check the top 1000 books on Amazon. Most of them have a shirtless guy on the cover, because they're smutty "romance novels" (read: porn for women) about a girl being swept off her feet by one (or more) billionaire alpha-males. There are literally tens of thousands of books out there about shirtless billionaire alpha-male vampires who can't wait to mate with you. Lucky you! And women eat that shit up! Men, not so much. Men prefer to watch actual porn.
Oliver Markus
I had a dream about you last night... we tried to joke but neither could make any sense. We realized that puns are present in every language, though not shared by any of them.
Marshall Ramsay
My life has no purpose no direction no aim no meaning and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?
Charles M. Schulz
Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet
Bill Watterson
Your greatest accomplishments, no matter how impressive you think them to be, are some else's worst nightmare. Your most prized possession is another man's disgusting chunk of trash. Be careful what you brag about.
Jessica Hagy
I had a dream about you last night... if atomic clocks are synced up to a satellite to keep their time accurate, where does the satellite get its time? Is there a chain of atomic clocks setting time for other atomic clocks?
Marshall Ramsay
If you're gonna shoot an elephant Mr. Schneider, you better be prepared to finish the job.
Gary Larson
If you want to commit suicide why tell anyone? They'd ruin everything.
Brian Spellman
Trolls have a longstanding animosity for goats--"Who's that trip-tapping across my bridge!?"--and this led me to think that perhaps trolls are related to goats, since it seems a lot more plausible to me that your relatives would make you insane than some random hooved mammal, however ecologically destructive it might be. What if trolls evolved from goats? Or, no, better yet, what if goats evolved from trolls? Or were domesticated from trolls by human shepherds? And the trolls despise their domesticated cousins as a disgrace to the once-proud troll race, (much as I assume wolves would despise Chihuahuas if they ever gave them much thought) and eat them at every opportunity.
Ursula Vernon
But giving up's easy. You know what's hard? To believe in your own worth, to know you've got something special in you even if nobody else can see it. Even when you can't.
Ryan North
Be awesome! Be a book nut!
Dr. Seuss
If I could understand everything the way I do now, I could make it all--and then it just stopped. Leaving me with that feeling like when you figure out something brilliant and profound in a dream, but you wake up, and all you remember is that you knew this amazing thing, and now it's just out of reach.
Jeff Parker
Grandma Harken was sharpening her garden shears. Her hands slowed on the file and she said finally, “He’ll get in trouble and he’ll figure it out. Best to do it without us standing over him. It’s the only way anybody ever learns to clean up after themselves.
Ursula Vernon
Does that mean that if we shave all the Ob'enn they'll be nice?
Howard Tayler
Scientists need to invent a way to make DNA work like in cartoons.
Ryan North
There is a place for what my heart tells me about you, and there is no shame or guilt in it. God Himself is free to look in my heart right this instant and I know He would not shame or admonish me about what He would see there because the pure, ego-less truth of how I hold you in my heart deserves to be kept alive.
Mark Fiore
For all the sirens, game-show buzzers, and drum-rolls of life, it is the nature of men to die quietly.
D.B.C. Pierre
There was nothing fake or added about him. He was all himself.
Colin Cotterill
You do not own the molecules. They are stardust. They belong to God. What you do own is your soul. Nobody can take that away from you.
Hugh MacLeod
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.
Bil Keane
Whenever the sun is shining, I feel obligated to play outside!
Charles M. Schulz
If you just write the kinds of stories you think others will want to read, you'll be competing with cartoonists who are far more enthusiastic for that kind of comic than you are, and they'll kick your ass every time.
Scott McCloud
God is Santa Claus for Grown-Ups.
Oliver Markus
Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
Charles Addams
A goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don't sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, its a system. If you're waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it's a goal. If you achieve your goal, you celebrate and feel terrific, but only until you realize you just lost the thing that gave you purpose and direction. Your options are to feel empty and useless, perhaps enjoying the spoils of your success until they bore you, or set new goals and reenter the cycle of permanent presuccess failure. All I'm suggesting is that thinking of goals and systems as very different concepts has power. Goal-oriented people exist in a state of continuous presuccess failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out. Systems people succeed every time they apply their systems, in the sense that they did what they intended to do. The goals people are fighting the feeling of discouragement at each turn. The systems people are feeling good everytime they apply their system. That's a big difference in terms of maintaining your personal energy in the right direction.
Scott Adams
I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.
Dr. Seuss
Technically, you don't pay me.And technically, most of what I do is "think."I...rrr. ummm.And when you get right down to it, I'm better at it than you are.-Ennesby & Captain Tagon
Howard Tayler
With good morality first candidates you'll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality - lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.
Brian Spellman
Realistically, most people have poor filters for sorting truth from fiction, and there’s no objective way to know if you’re particularly good at it or not. Consider the people who routinely disagree with you. See how confident they look while being dead wrong? That’s exactly how you look to them.
Scott Adams
I've developed a new philosophy - I only dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
I don't want a new purpose. I want what's mine. I want my birthright.
Faith Erin Hicks
It is coincidence, I decide, and I am getting old and batty, thinking the universe revolves around me.
Katherine Dunn
The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.
Kin Hubbard
Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.
Howard Tayler
Honesty is the best insurance policy.
Brian Spellman
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
Charles M. Schulz
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
Scott Adams
I admire the person who can write it right off. Mencken once said that a person who thinks clearly can write well. But I don't think clearly--too many thoughts bump into one another. Trains of thought run on a track of the Central Nervous System--the New York Central Nervous System, to make it worse.
James Thurber
Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?
Jules Feiffer
Everything that ever happened is just stories now, Earl. But it was all very real to people while it was happening. Wasn't it?
Terry Moore
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Bill Watterson
The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
Bill Watterson
HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills.
Bill Watterson
Kevyn, I'm promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons.Munitions Commander? Why me?I don't know. Call it "suspicion of extreme competence" on my part.-Captain Tagon & Commander Kevyn Andreyasn
Howard Tayler
Murderers don't get forgiven just because we promise to be good from now on. We have to earn our way back. One hundred is the price. One hundred lives for each we took. That seems fair. That's how we get whole again and that's our work, from now until as long as it takes.
Bill Willingham
When the enemy of my enemy is willing to use plasma weapons inside a hotel, I think I can do better than stupid aphorisms, General.-Captain Kevyn Andreyasn
Howard Tayler
Tell me about yourself - your struggles your dreams your telephone number.
Peter Arno
The journalist must strive to find out what is going on and tell it, not neuter the truth in the name of equal time.
Joe Sacco
I want to hurt, so I can heal.I'm not unhappy.I'm just busy.I'm interested.And that's okay.
Matthew Inman
Baba Yaga: "... What are his powers"Mirror on the wall: "He reads
Bill Willingham
But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!
Bill Watterson
Being a mercenary, though... Hey, we just go wherever there's a mixture of money and trouble, and everyone in the galaxy is a potential customer.Even the people you're paid to shoot at?Well, yeah. There are customers we serve, and customers we service.-Captain Kevyn Andreyasn & General Tagon
Howard Tayler
We lie on the blanket, our bare bodies basking in the sun like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Only our apples were bitten a long time ago, and we ate them too.
Henry Martin
One thing that I love about traveling is feeling disoriented and removed from my comfort zone.
Sarah Glidden
Sometimes when I felt the eyes crawling on me from all sides, I got scared thinking someone was looking who wasn’t just curious. I knew it was my imagination and I got used to it, learned to shunt it away. But sometimes I held onto it quietly, that feeling that someone behind or beside me in the crowd – some guy leaning on the target booth with a rifle, or some cranky sweating father spending too much on ride tickets to keep his kids away from him – anybody could be looking at me in the sidelong way that norms use to look at freaks, but thinking of me twitching and biting at the dirt while my guts spilled out of the big escape hatch he’d cut for them… a feeling like that is special. Sometimes you hold onto it quietly for a while.
Katherine Dunn
We want to look desirable. We want others to want to mate with us. No different than a colorful peacock. When girls dress up for their night out at the club, they are doing what all animals do when they try to make themselves desirable for a potential mate. That's the whole point behind the fashion, perfume, cosmetics, diet, and plastic surgery industries.
Oliver Markus
CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.
Bill Watterson
What dooms our best efforts to cultivate empathy and compassion is always, of course, other people.
Tim Kreider
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