Wendy Morgan Quotes

I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk . . . my fourth.

If there's a God why are there such things as famine and The Jerry Springer Show.

I don't want to be patronizing . . . that means "talking down."

When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ he gave her a lecture on anorexia.

I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food decorations and reservations and I did the traffic flow.

If any of you are related to our main guest let me know so I can speak slowly.

I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?

As a woman I resent the fact that in golf if I have the highest score I'm the loser.

They say the Japanese don't experience menopause or hot flashes. If that's the case why are they the number-one fan-producing country in the world?

I don't believe in astrology - of course that's very typical of Leos.

Let us eat and drink: for tomorrow we diet.

I don't give my weight. I weigh a hundred and plenty.

He's always been known to be entrepenurious.

My golf is getting better all the time. Today I parred all but sixteen holes.

I was chosen to speak today based on my senility.

He is so aware of being politically correct he refers to a taco as Hispanic food.

My husband yells comments like "How long till you're ready? Throw out a date."

My sister started to smell trouble when on the second day of her honeymoon the groom started asking for separate checks.

A lot of you want me to hurry through the introduction. That's because you're so much older you don't want to waste a minute of your life.

He says he's not broke but he is trying to sell his kidney and corneas.

A decorator can make lots of money - assuming she wins the lottery.

My husband lost a lot of weight on a new diet and I resent it. It's simple he just doesn't eat when I'm talking.