Roseanne Barr Quotes

The one who cares the most wins. ... That's how I knew I'd end up with everyone else waving the white flags and not me. That's how I knew I'd be the last person standing when it was all over. ... I cared the most.

The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

You may marry the man of your dreams ladies but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

I figure when my husband comes home from work, if the kids are still alive, then I've done my job.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

I survived my childhood by birthing many separate identities to stand in for one another in times of great stress and fear.

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.