Oliver Oliver Reed Quotes

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, “Sorry, no professionals.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Yo Mama’s so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, “Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone's been on a 747.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.