Lois Greiman Quotes

Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.
Lois Greiman
Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.
Lois Greiman
Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.
Lois Greiman
Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.
Lois Greiman
Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen
Lois Greiman
All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.
Lois Greiman
Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.
Lois Greiman
What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?
Lois Greiman
There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.
Lois Greiman
Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.
Lois Greiman
A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.
Lois Greiman
Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.
Lois Greiman
You don't know many friends you have till you buy a big-ass house on the beach.
Lois Greiman
Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.
Lois Greiman
Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid.
Lois Greiman
Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.
Lois Greiman
It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.
Lois Greiman
In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.
Lois Greiman
Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.
Lois Greiman
A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.
Lois Greiman
If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.
Lois Greiman
In 50 years it won't matter if he's handsome, ugly, or dumb as a post, just try to find someone who don't make you want to shove a pitchfork up his nose.
Lois Greiman
I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.
Lois Greiman
I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam.
Lois Greiman
There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.
Lois Greiman
In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.
Lois Greiman
Sometimes stupid is crime enough.
Lois Greiman
Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.
Lois Greiman
Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore.
Lois Greiman
Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his.
Lois Greiman
Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.
Lois Greiman
You lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.
Lois Greiman
A person without regrets is called a corpse.
Lois Greiman
You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.
Lois Greiman
A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.
Lois Greiman
Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either.
Lois Greiman
Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.
Lois Greiman
Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.
Lois Greiman
Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.
Lois Greiman
Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.
Lois Greiman
He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.
Lois Greiman
When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.
Lois Greiman
Love is like skydiving without a parachute.
Lois Greiman
There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.
Lois Greiman
In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.
Lois Greiman
Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.
Lois Greiman
And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.
Lois Greiman
If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.
Lois Greiman
Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.
Lois Greiman
Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.
Lois Greiman
Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.
Lois Greiman
False hope is better than no hope at all.
Lois Greiman
It ate a party till someone ends up naked.
Lois Greiman
If you don't scare the neighbors while copulating, I'm afraid you're doing something terribly wrong.
Lois Greiman
You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.
Lois Greiman
It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with.
Lois Greiman
I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.
Lois Greiman
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.
Lois Greiman
Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops.
Lois Greiman
Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?
Lois Greiman