Josh Stern Quotes - Page 2

The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard

Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends

Y'know when your dog drags its butt across the carpet leaving a stain- It's not as easy as it looks..."

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....

If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them

When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

If America runs on Dunkin', do I detect a slight limp?

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

I love shark week, all kids swim for free

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on

it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong

When people try to rain on your parade,...pee on theirs

When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door