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Jasper Fforde Quotes

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  • British-Author&NovelistJanuary 11, 1961
  • British-Author&Novelist
  • January 11, 1961
Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable.
Jasper Fforde
Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners
Jasper Fforde
Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head.
Jasper Fforde
Those that see too much quickly find themselves seeing nothing at all.
Jasper Fforde
Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse.
Jasper Fforde
History has rewritten itself so many times I'm not really sure how it was to begin with -- it's a bit like trying to guess the original color of a wall when it's been repainted eight times.
Jasper Fforde
The Special Operations Network was instigated to handle policing duties considered either too unusual or too specialized to be tackled by the regular force. There were thirty departments in all, starting at the more mundane Neighborly Disputes (SO-30) and going onto Literary Detectives (SO-27) and Art Crime (SO-24). Anything below SO-20 was restricted information, although it was common knowledge that the ChronoGuard was SO-12 and Antiterrorism SO-9. It is rumored that SO-1 was the department that polices the SpecOps themselves. Quite what the others do is anyone's guess. What is known is that the individual operatives themselves are mostly ex-military or ex-police and slightly unbalanced. 'If you want to be a SpecOp,' the saying goes, 'act kinda weird...
Jasper Fforde
I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.
Jasper Fforde
So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?
Jasper Fforde
What is without dispute...is that the readers need [the BookWorld] just as much as we need them—to bring order to their apparent chaos, if nothing else.
Jasper Fforde
Miltons were, on the whole, the most enthusiastic poet followers. A flick through the London telephone directory would yield about four thousand John Miltons, two thousand William Blakes, a thousand or so Samuel Colleridges, five hundred Percy Shelleys, the same of Wordsworth and Keats, and a handful of Drydens. Such mass name-changing could have problems in law enforcement. Following an incident in a pub where the assailant, victim, witness, landlord, arresting officer and judge had all been called Alfred Tennyson, a law had been passed compelling each namesake to carry a registration number tattooed behind the ear. It hadn't been well received--few really practical law-enforcement measures ever are.
Jasper Fforde
…although her mouth uttered fond words, her eyes spoke only venom.
Jasper Fforde
Inviting a goblin to cross your threshold was a recipe for disaster, and certainly worse than doing the same with a vampire. With the latter all you got was a nasty bite, but the company, the extraordinarily good sex and the funny stories more than made up for it—apparently.
Jasper Fforde
Vanity's contribution to Fiction in general was an abundance of cheap labour and the occasional blockbuster, which was accepted into Fiction with an apologetic 'gosh, don't know how that happened'.
Jasper Fforde
If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong.
Jasper Fforde
Individual words, sounds, squiggles on paper with no meanings other than those with which our imagination can clothe them.
Jasper Fforde
Fiction wouldn't be much fun without its fair share of scoundrels, and they have to live somewhere.
Jasper Fforde
Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pretty?' 'Is there a problem with asking you out because you're pretty?' 'I think you blew it,' said Tiger with a grin. 'You should be asking her out because she's smart, witty, mature beyond her years and every moment in her company makes you want to be a better person - pretty of face should be at the bottom of the list.' 'Oh, blast,' said Perkins despondently. 'It should, shouldn't it?
Jasper Fforde
When she turned I could see her face was plain and outwardly unremarkable, yet possessing of a bearing that showed inner strength and resolve. I stared at her intently with a mixture of feelings. I had realised not long ago that I was no beauty, and even at the age of nine had seen how the more attractive children gained favour more easily. But here in that young woman I could see how those principles could be inverted. I felt myself stand more upright and clench my jaw in subconscious mimicry of her pose
Jasper Fforde
Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.
Jasper Fforde
If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.
Jasper Fforde
Try to be pleasant to one another, get plenty of fresh air, read a good book now and then, depose your government when it suspends the free press, try to use the mechanism of the state to adjudicate fairly and employ diplomatic means wherever possible to avoid armed conflict.
Jasper Fforde
The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.
Jasper Fforde
Outside Styx's apartment was not the first time Rochester and I had met, or would it be the last. We first encountered each other at Haworth House in Yorkshire when my mind was young and the barrier between reality and make-believe had not yet hardened into the shell that cocoons us in adult life. The barrier was soft, pliable and, for a moment, thanks to the kindness of a stranger and the power of a good storytelling voice, I made the short journey--and returned.
Jasper Fforde
For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas.
Jasper Fforde
Said by Colin the dragon:"It's somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you (humans)think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed, when in reality you're all all tiresomely similiar in outlook, needs and motivation, and differ only by peculiar habits, generally shaped by geographical circumstance.
Jasper Fforde
There's more to good or bad than what's written in the Rulebook.
Jasper Fforde
Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.
Jasper Fforde
Prejudice is a product of ignorance that hides behind barriers of tradition.
Jasper Fforde
Take no heed of her.... She reads a lot of books.
Jasper Fforde
I wasn't particularly worried; running is overrated anyway, and sport only makes you sweaty and smug and wears out the knees.
Jasper Fforde
Books" - Snell smiled - "are a kind of magic.
Jasper Fforde
True and baseless evil is as rare as the purest good--and we all know how rare that is...
Jasper Fforde
A surfeit of information often hides an untruth,” he said, with annoying clarity.
Jasper Fforde
Edward, Edward," he said with a patronising smile, "there are no unanswered questions of any relevance. Every question that we need to ask has been answered fully. If you can't find the correct answer then you are obviously asking the wrong question.
Jasper Fforde
The course of true love rarely runs smooth.
Jasper Fforde
Never underestimate the capacity for romance, no matter what the circumstances.
Jasper Fforde
I am boring, but I'm ok with it. I'm the anchor, the shoulder...I'm an average man...with a truly extraordinary wife
Jasper Fforde
Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed -- you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?
Jasper Fforde
Though his death would not fill me with any sense of sadness, I would probably feel the loss. Even enemies are part of one.
Jasper Fforde
The only way to write is to write. Writers write. And when they’ve written, they write some more.
Jasper Fforde
Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms—of life, of love, of knowledge—has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath.
Jasper Fforde
Chromatacia…society…ruled by a colortocracy…social hierarchy based upon one's limited color perception, society is dominated by color. In this world, you are what you can see.
Jasper Fforde
Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index.
Jasper Fforde
Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corrpution and error hardwired at inception.
Jasper Fforde
There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth's future. The other view is that time is rigid, and no matter how hard you try, it will always spring back toward a determined present. Myself, I do not worry about such trivialities. I simply sell ties to anyone who wants to buy one...
Jasper Fforde
How about this,' I said. 'We modify our plans with regard to ongoing facts as they become known to us, then remodify them as the situation unfolds. 'You mean make it all up as we go along?' asked Perkins.'Right.
Jasper Fforde
Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.
Jasper Fforde
the Real-World was a sprawling mess of a book in need of a good editor.
Jasper Fforde
I'm beginning to think you're the sort of person who does a great deal with very little."He meant a liar.
Jasper Fforde
Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.
Jasper Fforde
You have many fine qualities that I admire. But you are out of time. You should have been born a century ago, when values such as yours meant something.
Jasper Fforde
The very possibility of death focuses the mind wonderfully.
Jasper Fforde
I don't need you to agree with me," she said quietly." I'll go away happy with a little bit of doubt. Doubt is good. It's an emotion we can build on. Perhaps if we feed it with curiosity it will blossom into something useful, like suspicion - and action.
Jasper Fforde
Now and again. Good residency is about having the power to ask someone to do something, but not necessarily exercising it.
Jasper Fforde
Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.
Jasper Fforde
Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time.
Jasper Fforde
I was born on a Thursday, hence the name. My brother was born on a Monday and they called him Anton--go figure. My mother was called Wednesday, but was born on a Sunday--I don't know why--and my father had no name at all--his identity and existence had been scrubbed by the ChronoGuard after he went rogue. To all intents and purposes he didn't exist at all. It didn't matter. He was always Dad to me...
Jasper Fforde
I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!
Jasper Fforde
Soothsayers are like that. They see many futures but never their own.
Jasper Fforde
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