Fran Lebowitz Quotes

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrassed by anything.

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.

There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.

I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying.

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.

Chocolate is an excellent flavor for ice cream but both unreasonable and disconcerting in chewing gum.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.

My favorite animal is steak.

Reading is better than life. Without reading, you’re stuck with life.

There is no such thing as inner peace there is only nervousness and death.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

Success didn't spoil me I've always been insufferable.

People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand there must be a reason for this.

Now, nature, as I am only too aware, has her enthusiasts, but on the whole, I am not to be counted among them. To put it bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.