Bob Hope Quotes

If you watch a game it's fun. If you play it it's recreation. If you work at it it's golf.

I do benefits for all religions. ... I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

It you watch a game it's fun. If you play it it's recreation. If you work at it it's golf.

When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

I don't generally feel anything until noon then it's time for my nap.

We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.

Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.