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Bill Watterson Quotes

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  • American-Cartoonist&AuthorJuly 05, 1958
  • American-Cartoonist&Author
  • July 05, 1958
Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I wonder which one YOU are. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!
Bill Watterson
What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
Bill Watterson
Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
Bill Watterson
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?
Bill Watterson
Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
Bill Watterson
Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?
Bill Watterson
CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.
Bill Watterson
Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.
Bill Watterson
They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.""Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.""We need more special effects and dance numbers.
Bill Watterson
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
Bill Watterson
If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
Bill Watterson
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Bill Watterson
You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.
Bill Watterson
I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.
Bill Watterson
I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.
Bill Watterson
Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!
Bill Watterson
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Bill Watterson
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.
Bill Watterson
Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.
Bill Watterson
As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
Bill Watterson
How come we play war and not peace?""Too few role models.
Bill Watterson
Nowadays, ads don't just sell a product. They sell an attitude! Look at this one! Here's a cool guy saying nobody tells him what to do. He does whatever he wants and he buys this product as a reflection of that independence. So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection?
Bill Watterson
I'm a misunderstood genius.""What's misunderstood?""Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
Bill Watterson
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
Bill Watterson
I wish people were more like animals. Animals don't try to change you or make you fit in. They just enjoy the pleasure of your company. Animals aren't conditional about friendships. Animals like you just the way you are. They listen to your problems, they comfort you when you're sad, and all they ask in return is a little kindness.
Bill Watterson
At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.
Bill Watterson
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Bill Watterson
Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to.Calvin: Oh.
Bill Watterson
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
Bill Watterson
Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.
Bill Watterson
You can present the material, but you can't make me care.
Bill Watterson
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
Bill Watterson
Reality continues to ruin my life.
Bill Watterson
Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin"Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting." - Calvin's mom
Bill Watterson
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
Bill Watterson
There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.
Bill Watterson
Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate and read comic books in bed with the covers up until the world looks more encouraging. Of course, they never let you do that.
Bill Watterson
You know, maybe we don't need enemies.""Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.
Bill Watterson
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
Bill Watterson
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Bill Watterson
Now what state do you live in?''Denial.
Bill Watterson
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.
Bill Watterson
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.
Bill Watterson
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
Bill Watterson
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
Bill Watterson
BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!
Bill Watterson
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
Bill Watterson
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it's just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
Bill Watterson
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
Bill Watterson
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Bill Watterson
On gray days, when it's snowing or raining, I think you should be able to call up a judge and take an oath that you'll just read a good book all day, and he'd allow you to stay home.
Bill Watterson
I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.
Bill Watterson
[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to... Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?
Bill Watterson
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
Bill Watterson
The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
Bill Watterson
Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.
Bill Watterson
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
Bill Watterson
Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff!Calvin:All I've got to say is they're not making me learn any foreign languages. If English is good enough for me, then by golly, it's good enough for the rest of the world! Everyone should just speak English or shut up, that's what I say!Susie: You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal.
Bill Watterson
I'm not a vegetarian! I'm a dessertarian!
Bill Watterson
To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.
Bill Watterson
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