Demetri Martin Quotes

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?

Fact: The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.