Dave Barry Quotes

We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.

Apparently he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine if you get my drift.

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift.

He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint.

Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash.

I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached after traveling through Japan as well as countless hours reading studying and analyzing this fascinating culture is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase.

You're only young once but you can always be immature.